They just had to be written
by Chris Hill
Summary: Selected shorts that just tickled the imagination after people start tossing ideas about.
1. Kakashi's lament

"Wait, you want us to come at you with the intent to kill?"

'Well, that idea goes out the window.' Kakashi thought to himself. He had expected Sakura to say that, not Naruto.

"Correct."

"Then I want that in writing, one copy for each us, and another copy for yourself before we continue." Naruto stated beligerantly.

Kakashi's lone eye blinked. This was not going how he expected at all. "Well…"

"Actually, make that five copies. I want one delivered and approved by the Old Man before we begin." Naruto nodded, mostly to himself.

"Naruto, I don't think you need this…" Kakashi started to say.

Naruto stared at him, remembering things from years ago. "Yes I do 'Dog Face'. I ain't getting killed by others if something goes wrong and you can't stop a killing blow."

Ah. Now Kakashi knew what was bothering Naruto. "Fine. I will draw it up."

Naruto grinned, "I'll also deliver it. No way I'm going to let something interfere if you mess up."

Sasuke was getting annoyed at the blond, as was Sakura, but he did have a point. If this teacher was not good enough, and they injured, or killed him, then they would be in trouble. "Just get this over with, Dobe."

"Ok. Ok. Geeez Teme, you're anxious for blood." Naruto replied.

It was afternoon by the time Naruto arrived back with the approval from the Hokage. Unfortunately for Kakashi's plans, he'd had to feed the two the bento's he was keeping back. His carefully planned day was already down the toilet, and he was trying to think up of a plan to replace the 'lunch option' of the test.

Finally ready, Kakashi said, "Begin!"

As Sasuke and Sakura jumped away, Naruto shot his hands forward towards Kakashi and a loud bang was heard. The two other Genin turned back, just in time to see Kakashi crumble to the ground. Naruto grabbed both bells and said, "It's amazing what you can do with a pipe, an explosive tag, and some stones, isn't it?"


	2. Of Mice and Men

"It just makes sense."

"No."

"Look, you saw the show."

"He wouldn't do that."

Stop the denial, he did it!"

"I refuse to believe that."

"Lets go through fact. It's about two beings."

"See! We're more than two people."

"In the beginning?"

"...Ok. I'll give you that."

"You have one who's a bright, cheerful one, comedy relief."

"Hey! You realize that describes you?"

"Give it a rest! The other one is a super brain. The one who makes all the plans, and is paranoid."

"...Ok, I'll give you that as well."

"They go out every night to fulfill their function. The same thing they do every night."

"Yeah, but that can be said for any number of people."

"It's a never ending battle for them."

"OK! There are similarities, but I can't see it."

Hey! He sold us out, lock stock and barrel. Why else would the guy use the car in the show?

"He likes how it looks?

"Face it Dick. Bruce went Hollywood on us."

Dick Grayson looked at the animated show that Tim insisted he watch. Everything was a coincidence. Who would believe that Batman sold out to Spielberg to make 'Pinky and the Brain'?

"Saw show. Agree with Robin. Batman sold out."

"Not you too?"


	3. Kakashi's Lament Part Two

By popular request, part two of Kakashi's Lament.

----

"I refuse to take that...that...person!"

Hatake Kakashi was currently resting in a bed. A Hospital bed to be specific as he had ended up here after the disastrous showing during his testing of a prospective genin team. It had been three days, and he was currently fine, but doctors, being who and what they were, wanted to keep him under observation for a few more days.

Then again, he was the first jonin instructor to almost end up dead giving a test to just released academy students. His showing had gathered him both a new name, and an unfortunate reputation. Now, aside from the name 'Copy Cat Kakashi', 'Son of the White Fang', and 'Forever Late Kakashi', he had the reputation of '10 Second Kakashi'. It was not a name with a good reputation as it garnered a lot of laughter for many reasons.

All thanks to one Uzumaki Naruto.

"Now Kakashi, Naruto did pass your exam, and get the bells." said the Sandaime with a straight face.

"He almost killed me!"

The Sandaime was trying very hard not to laugh, "I seem to remember a paper with your signature on it saying that your students had to come at you with the intent to kill. Specifically, 'I, Hatake Kakashi, hereby release from responsibility Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto of any responsibility in case of my injury or death due to my order of them attacking me with the intent to kill.'"

"I didn't think they'd actually be able to do it. They're genin! I also want to know what sort of jutsu or weapon that...brat used! It should be restricted as a class S technique!" Kakashi grumbled in a low hiss.

Sarutobi was having an increasingly difficult time hiding his laughter. "Then what was your test supposed to do?"

Kakashi frowned. Even the Hokage was laughing at him since he well knew what the bell test was supposed to do. "Find out if they can be a team."

"Then you would pass them, or at least the ones who performed teamwork?"

Kakashi hesitated. From the sounds of it at least two of them acted as a team. Given Naruto had taken him out in the beginning, and that he had lost conscience, that meant that Sasuke and Sakura had probably ganged up on the brat and taken the bells from him. "I would be willing. You will have to find a replacement for the one who failed, however."

"I'm sure that's something we can work out. Now, will you accept the team?" Sarutobi asked.

Kakashi grinned. He was going to get what he wanted, and away from Uzumaki Naruto, the menace who tried to kill him. "Yes, of course."

Sarutobi nodded, and laughed. "Then your team consists of Uzumaki Naruto. I will find two genin to take the place of Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke."

Kakashi's mouth was now hanging open. "How..."

"It's simple. Given the note Naruto delivered to me, I decided to watch your test myself. When you were injured, Naruto tried to get the other two to help you. Sasuke only wanted the bells and Sakura was only cheering for Sasuke to win. In disgust Naruto tossed the bells to them and created Kage Bunshin to make a litter to bring you to the hospital. In other words, the other two acted like spiteful children, Sasuke for himself and Sakura not even trying while someone was dying in front of them. You owe your life to the team of Uzumaki Naruto and his Kage Bunshin, who acted in concert like a well oiled engine."

Kakashi just lay there stunned, then looked at the Hokage. His most recent worst nightmare just came true, and from the sounds of it, his team would vary from one person to however many Kage Bunshin the brat could create. Unconsciously he took a deep breath.

A few seconds later, a scream of "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" could be heard from at least six blocks away.


	4. Kakashi's Lament Part Three

Kakashi was, for the first time in his life, earlier than three hours late. There was a reason for this, of course. Using a loophole, he was going to get two genin, and they had better pass or it wouldn't be pretty for the two of them.

---

Earlier in the day...

There is an old saying, commonly brandied about by older generations, that goes like this: 'It was the little things that make life interesting.'

That's one of the reasons that no one could say 'It's another boring day in Konoha, and nothing new is happening.'

Or it could be that the rumour mill was working it's way into a frenzy.

Either way, two young people were entering the academy to a vast audience, (To them, an audience of just over a hundred was vast. Not due to the number of people, but the fact that they thought they would never see the academy again just a few days ago. Then again, no one had expected these two to come back as they were pinning their hopes on 'The Uchiha'.), and it was not a good feeling.

The reason that Sasuke and Sakura were back at the academy was simple. Their idiot partner had so injured their jonin sensei that they now had to wait for him to heal, or at least have a new one assigned. Fortunately for them Naruto gave them the bells, which was the reason he had been dropped from the program.

Or so they believed.

This was something that Iruka-sensei soon disabused them of, much to the Angry Chagrin of Sakura, and the clenched jaws of Sasuke. "What do you mean we've got to go through the academy again? We passed the test! Naruto was the one who failed!"

Iruka blinked, "Umm, who told you Naruto failed? I was informed by the Hokage that due to unusual circumstances, he passed while the two of you failed?"

"It's obvious!" Sakura stated while holding up something, "We got the bells and Naruto didn't!"

Iruka stifled a laugh, "Ah. Well, I'm sorry to inform you but Naruto has been confirmed as a genin, while the two of you failed completely."

Sasuke came up with the only reason that he could think of for Naruto to be the only one who passed. "How did that Dobe learn that jutsu?"

"Dobe?" Iruka asked looking puzzled, "I don't know who you mean?"

"Naruto! The 'Dead Last' of the class. How did he learn to do whatever it was he did to take down a jonin?" Sasuke stated seemingly calm, his eyes giving away his severe irritation.

Iruka's eyebrows raised and he rubbed the scar on top of his nose, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Naruto was not the dead last of the class. If he wanted to, he could have passed the course three years ago."

Sakura blinked, "That...that..idiot could have passed the class? Then why didn't he pass on the day of the exam?!"

"I can't answer that, Sakura, It's classified. And if Naruto didn't pass, then why was he able to be on your team?" Iruka smiled.

Sasuke snorted, "I thought it was just to provide someone to balance the team."

'Yeah! No way that idiot could be better than Sasuke', Sakura screamed to herself, however, there was still the matter of how Naruto passed. 'Then where was he on the exams? I know Sasuke was rookie of the year, and I was the best in all the tests."

Iruka looked at his two students in wonder, "Do you really believe that?"

"Of course, we compared marks during the year." Sakura replied. Unspoken, of course, was the fact that Sasuke never participated in the comparison of marks, and also left unsaid, and very forgotten, was the fact that Naruto never participated in them either. Sakura, of course, didn't let little things like details get in the way of her rose coloured world.

"Then you didn't really look at the marks carefully. I can't tell you who was the top in both areas, but I can tell you that neither of you is where you thought you were."

At this, Sasuke started to grind his teeth. There was someone more powerful than him, better than him, which meant that he had to find out how in order to take care of matters that were important. Before he had a chance to ask a question, or have his original question answered, the door to the classroom slammed open.

"Kakashi-sensei?!" Sakura shouted in surprise.

Iruka looked amused at the jonin, "Is there something I can do for you Kakashi-sensei?"

Having a good idea of what the smirk was about, Kakashi replied. "I'm here to give these two one more chance to become genin. The test was over too fast for these two to do anything but fail."

Iruka's look of askance said it all, but he also said it out loud, "I thought they failed because they didn't know or take in what we've been subtly training them in."

Iruka then looked at the two potentials in front of him frowning slightly, "Then again, given their information gathering abilities, and sheer arrogance, it's no wonder they failed themselves."

Kakashi had to stop this fast, before the two attacked Iruka and failed again. "None the less, they will be given a second, and final, chance."

Here he looked at the two, leaking a bit of killing intent as he had enough time to think of what they had done. True, Naruto had almost killed him, (Well, knocked him out due to shock as painful pebbles, while not going far into his skin, hit too many points in the front of his body as well as one...delicate...organ.), but these two were willing to leave him there to die while they fought for the bells. "If you don't pass, I will recommend that you be dropped from the program completely. I have no time for supposed genin who are so full of themselves that they cannot pass a simple exam. Konoha does not need you so badly that we can't maintain high standards."

He then led the two of them out of the classroom.

"Those two will be very surprised if they ever find out that Naruto was both the best in all tests as well as rookie of the year. Then again, the two of them weren't even able to figure it out from the very unsubtle hint I gave them." Iruka mumbled to himself. He pitied Naruto if the two of them passed. They would hold his favourite student back.

---

"Why did we fail the exam, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked the jonin she and Sasuke were following.

Kakashi silently berated himself for being talked into trying to teach a genin team again. Hadn't they figured out why he didn't accept a team yet? He stopped and turned to look at the two kids. "You've had several days to think about what happened, and you don't know why yet? Maybe we should forget the test and take you to the Hokage to ensure that you're taken out of the academy and the program entirely."

Sakura gulped, she didn't think that asking a question like that was pushing him that hard, "N-no Sensei!! We'll figure it out."

Sasuke looked at Sakura, and then at Kakashi. It was at this point he realized that he knew little of one of his potential teammates. "What can you tell us about Naruto?"

Kakashi raised his one visible eyebrow, "Why are you interested in Naruto?"

"Yeah, why are you interested in the braggart?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke snorted at Sakura's answer to his question, "He passed. He also became a genin without passing a test in class, and how he passed is classified. What do we really know about him?"

Kakashi's visible eye became almost like a smile. He hadn't expected either of them to actually think, and had been considering fudging the test, if only to have someone to keep him sane, but this could work out if he changed the exam a little. That, and there were several questions that he had that Naruto's official file that the Hokage had given him missed. There were a lot of blacked out areas and lines, and activities, except for the "D" mission category, were classified. "Good answer. However, there is not much I can tell you that isn't classified. All I can say is that he's lived alone most of his life, has no known parents, and has been going in and out of the Hokage's tower on his own since he was four. I can, unofficially, say that he has already completed at least one mission. Your test will be to find out as much as you can about Naruto and his life. I doubt you'll be able to get his file, but if you can give me general information on his life since the age of 4, lets say three pages of information per year, then you will pass. You'll find me at the site of your last test when you're done. Oh, and you also have six hours to find all this information and report it back to me, neatly written out."

He teleported out leaving two stunned students behind.

"He never answered the question!" Sakura raged.


	5. Kakashi's Lament Part Four

Sasuke was somewhat disgusted when he looked at the pad of paper containing what the two of them happened to gather on Naruto. 

There wasn't a lot to show for three hours of work, and they had to find out more. Their possible sensei wanted three pages per year about Naruto's life, which would be a report of more than 20 pages, and they had less than one page. Even worse, it had less information on it than was believable.

Sakura had taken the lead and listed what they knew of him.

He wanted to be Hokage, liked ramen, was an acknowledged prankster, didn't like to read, had the worst fashion sense in Konoha and somehow passed and became a genin despite failing publicly.

For spending several years with him, they were surprised at how little they knew about the 'Prince of Pranks', a name that he had received from the military police. It turned out they were embarrassed that none of their forces had been able to catch him since he was around six. There was actually a special code or 'Naruto Alert' when it came to his pranks and it was usually three or four squads that were sent after him. There was actually a large bonus for the one to catch the 'Prince of Pranks', which had never been collected. It was surprising to them to learn that the only ones who happened to catch Naruto were Iruka-Sensei and the Hokage himself.

It showed a side of Naruto that they hadn't seen or known. At the time, Naruto was an academy student. That he was skilled enough to evade capture by various members of Konoha's Ninja forces, including military police, chunin, jonin, and ANBU seemed wrong to them, especially with how he acted in class. Something was really wrong with that.

They found out his birthday, which was October 10th, the day of the Kyuubi Festival, and they also found out that he was hated enough that various villagers had tried to kill him. Now Naruto was annoying, but he wasn't that annoying. The scars on his cheeks, however, which looked liked whiskers, probably set off some drunks during those celebrations who were looking to do some violence. There were people like that all over the place.

But if they added what Iruka gave them, then Naruto was smarter than he appeared, which means that he hid what he was.

Why?

"Where next, Sasuke-kun?" asked the pink-haired fan girl next to him.

"Hokage tower. Kakashi said he's been in and out of there since he was four and has already completed one mission, even if it was unofficial. This means that Naruto has access to several places within the tower that we don't. We need to find out what and where." Sasuke answered as he started off down the street.

"Um...Sasuke-kun? Have you been anywhere else in the tower except for the small area they showed us in the academy?" Sakura asked.

"No. And that's why I know that Naruto has more access than we do. He's been going in and out of the tower, and one of the two people who can catch him is the Hokage. Don't you find it a little suspicious that the Hokage himself would take time out to find and capture a prankster? Everyone knows when he pulls a prank, since he doesn't keep it a secret, so why chase him when they could find him at home? Even better, why would the Hokage take time out to help catch him? It doesn't make a lot of sense having the best ninja in the village chase down an academy student."

Sakura blinked and looked towards the tower. That, as much as it hurt, made a surprising amount of sense.

---

The secretary blinked at the two genin in front of her. "You want to see Uzumaki-san?"

"If it isn't too much trouble." Sakura replied, a bit nervous at this rather obvious tactic.

The secretary shrugged. It wasn't that big a secret that Naruto was in and out of here to see the Hokage often. In fact, the Hokage had given Naruto a small office of his own when he was younger, just to keep him out of trouble. It kept the boy busy and it also gave him someplace to sleep at times. Still, it was a first for someone to come and actually try to find him here. "I haven't seen him, but you can check his office. It's on the top floor next to the Hokage's."

Sasuke had to clench Sakura's hand to stop her from making any exclamations.

"Thank you." Sakura said in response while keeping the fact that her hand was now aching quiet. She managed to tear her hand away when they got into the stairwell.

"What did you do that for?" Sakura asked Sasuke while pouting.

"Since when does an academy student or a genin have an office that is next to the Hokage's?" Sasuke asked, now wondering if Naruto was part of ANBU, like his brother had been. "Either we're being sent on a wild goose chase, or nothing is adding up. From the secretaries reaction, she was surprised to see us ask for him, but knew about his office. To have an office, and to be surprised that someone comes to visit? That isn't something that's normal."

Sakura frowned and nodded, "Also, Kakashi implied that Naruto has had this office since he was four. That doesn't make sense at all, so it may just be a way for us to determine if the information we're gathering is the right information."

"Exactly." Sasuke said as they continued up the stairs, "We're going to check the office, and if possible, break in, but I don't think there will be a lot of information that actually pertains to Naruto there, and if there is, and if Kakashi actually knows about Naruto, then why did he fail to stop an attack by Naruto. He would have been prepared for it."

Naruto was turning out to be more of a mystery than they thought.

---

They managed to find the office, and Sasuke proved his skill with lock picks. In the office was the usual, desk, chair, sofa, a bookshelf with numerous volumes with a lot of information ranging from foreign texts to mechanical diagrams, to architecture and science books of all types. A random search of the books showed that they had small notes in the margins that didn't make sense, such as types of clay when the book was about ships, or metals when the book was about fishing. Whoever's office this was, the person was either a ditz or a genius. They couldn't tell as of yet.

The office had a small private washroom attached, and there wasn't anything in there that could tell them much.

The desk, however, was slightly different.

First was the computer. Now computers were known, and used in Konoha, but the one on the desk was clearly far above what a civilian could afford or get. First, it was very compact and folded together, second, it was on, expecting to be used. This was not what they were expecting. Nor were they expecting all sorts of files on them and their classmates that had notes on what they did, how they reacted, or even changes in habits. Naruto, not surprisingly, was not listed, and this was more of an indication that the office was a set up and a false lead.

This seemed confirmed when the desk drawers only contained papers, pencils, and assorted office stuff. No paper files and no prank equipment. Not even personal touches.

It was definitely a setup.

Oh, how wrong they were.

---

In the end, they ended up with three and a half pages of notes, and a once line comment on the false lead concerning the office. The report contained all they could find out about him during class, the information they gathered, and the information sources. They also included all sorts of speculation about their day and the information they were handed just to make it longer and ended up with around 7 pages. Of course, all the information had to be false, or planted for them to find.

In all, they decided that there first set of impressions about Naruto were probably correct. He was the dobe and the entire scene with Iruka was just to see if they could gather information. After all, hearing about how he ate Ramen at Ichiraku's, and the amount he could put away in one meal, the information had to be false. No one had that large a stomach.  
Kakashi read the report, told them they passed, and that they would meet at a bridge nearby the day after tomorrow.

Kakashi had a lot to think about, some favors to pull in, and an office to raid. He also had to visit the chemist and get headache medicines and elixirs to aid against ulcers. He had a feeling he was going to need them.


	6. The Corruption of Uzumaki Naruto

'That was the last of it!' the Hokage thought to himself as he signed the final document. Finally, the paperwork was out of the way for the week, and he still had a few hours left. The perfect time to try and read his students latest work.

It was when Sarutobi was deep in the middle of chapter ten that one of the worst things to happen did happen.

Naruto ran into the room with more drawings.

"Hey Old Man! Look what I drew!" said the irrepressible five year old.

The Hokage chuckled and put down his book while lifting Naruto up onto the table. "Why don't you show me?"

They spent a good half hour with Naruto showing him the new pictures of the mountain and what he could see from the window of the small office that Sarutobi had set aside for the boy to play in. It was easier to give him a place so that he could be watched over while he pretended to be the Hokage, and it reminded him that the village had young people in it that were more precious to him than money. Naruto had that effect on people who actually tried to get to know him.

When his secretary brought in more paperwork, he told Naruto he would have to see him later. It wasn't until later that he realized that his book was missing and started to search his office for where it might have gone. That turned out to be impossible.

Giving in, he decided to get a new copy and at the same time see how Naruto was doing being the 'junior hokage'.

It was the first time that Sarutobi saw the efforts that would become the Orioke no Jutsu, a jutsu that would later be placed into a certain forbidden scroll after Naruto thought the skill to an impressionable Konohamaru years later.

It was that day that the Hokage decided that Naruto needed to be trained to at least read or find out what was going on, or have something else to play with. He wasn't going to explain what that book was to the young boy until later. Much later if it was his choice.

Sighing, he got on with the job of teaching the boy and making it fun. Sarutobi realized that he had no one to blame but himself for forgetting how curious children were, and how they had sticky hands. Maybe it was time to show Naruto how to pull a prank... 


	7. The Corruption of Uzumaki Naruto Two

In Konoha, there was a mystery which had no answer. 

It had been discussed, argued, fought over, and was something drunken shinobi talked about in low voices so that the people they were talking about wouldn't hear about this.

The discussion in question touched on everything from the two people being related, to their being evil. The antics of Anko, and Naruto since he was about six, were disturbingly similar. Both were loud mouthed, had an obvious favourite food, were annoying, played pranks in their own ways, and tended to scare or piss off the general population of Konoha.

Of course, these discussions were before Konohamaru also started to act in the same manner, and after only one conversation with Naruto, much to Ebisu's everlasting horror.

With these things happening, people were worried about their behavior catching. After all, if the Grandson of the Sandaime Hokage caught this, then none of them were safe from being infected. The only question was how the infection was spread since Naruto had not met Anko until the Chunin exams.

Well, that's not exactly true.

You see, they met, it's just that neither of them remembered it.

---

Anko, as had become a habit with her recently, was completely blasted. She did this for several reasons, the public one being to forget the past. The real reason, she always kept to herself.

The thing was she had just arrived back from a mission in which she had been lucky to procure several different brands of sake as well as several other samples of alcohol. Unfortunately, the debriefing had gone on for a long time, and she, as was normal, left her possessions in the tower while she went on a short drinking binge. The tower, however, was closed for the night so the question was how to get at all that yummy sake!

Giggling to herself, she decided to do the expedient thing, and climb up the side of the tower and try to find an open window.

ANBU, of course, saw her, but she had done similar things in the past, and being sort of a nasty drunk, they didn't want to risk her pulling out aKunai. She was important to the village after all, and as soon as she found her sake, then she would take it and start to drink on the way home, probably sleeping through the next day.

At least the day would be quiet.

Anko managed to find an open window on the top floor so she went in. Bumbling into a desk, she started yelling out swear words and waking up the lone occupant of the office.

"Unn...Who's there?" a young voice asked.

Anko, swaying slightly, blinked and said, "I am."

The young voice snorted. "Be quiet. Want sleep."

Given the usual reaction of the people in Konoha to her, and what they seemed to tell their children, this brought a moment of wonder to the inebriated shinobi, and she drunkenly went and found the light switch.

Naruto started to blink and complain, "I wanna sleep!"

Shaking her head, Anko just left the room to find her stuff. When she did, she went back up and then looked at the kid. Now why would a kid be in the tower so late at night? Especially alone in an unlocked room?

Naruto was still blinking and rubbing his face when Anko got a look at the whiskers. She knew this kid from somewhere. Something about people hating him almost as much as her.

Looking around a bit, she dragged the coffee table over to where the kid was, got some glasses from the washroom, and poured the kid a drink that didn't really taste of alcohol. Hell, old enough to be hated, old enough to drink. "Here you go kid."

Naruto's eyes opened slightly and he took the offered drink which tasted like orange soda. "Thanks lady. Why you here?"

Anko smiled. The kid had guts. "I had to find my pack. Why are you here so late at night?"

Naruto, having drunk the entire glass of orange drink grinned a bit. "I'm gonna be Hokage!"

"Hokage! Can you handle the job?" Anko asked while pouring him another drink.

The five year old nodded, already being affected by the drink. "'Course I am."

"How about I give you some advice then."

"Kay!"

Anko then started to teach him the ways of keeping the villagers away from getting close, while always being able to see what was going on. She talked for over an hour on different subjects, such as making a set of 'unbreakable' habits, how to talk loud, how to swear, and most of all, how to stand out in a crowd. She imparted her wisdom, and as she wasn't drinking very much in order to keep talking, she became slightly more sober.

The kid finally fell back to sleep, but she noticed that he had been making notes. Sloppy notes, but notes on what she was saying. Deciding to help him out, she quickly wrote out the main points of what she talked about.

Have a constant habit, preferably with food. That way everyone thinks they really know what you're thinking.

Dress with flair! Be outstanding and don't be afraid to tell people off for dissing the clothes. It was a way to make sure you knew where the people were looking.

Always have a weapon of some kind around. If not that, then have a set of escape routes planned out. The more people you could escape from, the better you were.

Be loud and creative, and swear a lot. (A list of swear words followed this.)

Being Hokage means being remembered for something you said. Find a saying and make sure people around you hear it a lot.

The list being complete, she staggered to the window, and climbed down to head back to her apartment. Thanks to getting her bottles back, and drinking once more, she would never remember the influence she had on an impressionable young boy.

---

The next morning, Naruto woke up, tasting something not nice in his mouth that had the taste of orange soda. Looking around, he saw some notes he made, and remembered something about some fairy lady that came to give him some advice. He couldn't remember her clearly, and a lot of what he wrote, he couldn't read, but then found what the fairy lady wrote for him to remember. He smiled. The fairly lady said that doing these things were important, so he would do them. Wondering what to do first, he decided that clothes would be a good start, so after brushing his teeth, he went over to the old man's office. "Hey old man! I wanna get some clothes! Can I!"

Sarutobi smiled. It wasn't often that Naruto asked for something like clothes, so he would indulge him. A t-shirt of some sort wouldn't cost that much. "Of course. Let's go."

Keeping in mind the note, and the taste of the orange drink the fairy lady gave him, Naruto decided that his colour would be the same as the drink she gave him. This way he would always remember her. Now, what kind of food should he begin to eat a lot of?


	8. The Corruption of Uzumaki Naruto Three

One of the things about Konoha, is that they were pleasant and easygoing. 

Well, to everyone except for one person, Uzumaki Naruto, Future Hokage.

Many people have to wonder, however, since the boy is hated and put down a lot, why would he declare himself to be the future hokage? Naruto always talked about it, when in a serious situation, as though the outcome was already decided, despite his many drawbacks. Of course, there were some people who told him that it was impossible.

You see, the Hokage, or Fire Shadow, was the position of the leader of the shinobi of the village of Konoha, and he had only a little less authority than the Damiyo of Fire in all matters. For that, you needed a strong person to lead them, and to accept the challenges that came along with the position. Then again, given the people that he would be meeting with, perhaps a raft of manners should be included into what he had to learn.

For these reasons, among others, people his age would always say that Naruto was dreaming, that he didn't stand a chance of becoming Hokage, and that no one respected him enough to let him become Hokage. Now the important thing is the people who were trying to correct him. They were all his age.

For some reason, and everyone knew that some were looking for the slightest reason for censure, the council did not repudiate Naruto's claims.

The reason for this occurred several years ago.

---

Sometimes, being with the old man was boring, or at least that's what Naruto thought as he was now playing in the outer office where the secretary usually was instead of inside with the old man.

Earlier, old guys came in. Not as old as the old man, and certainly better smelling, but still old. They had wanted to see the old man right away, and that meant he had to play in the outer office and that was just boring.

Looking around, he saw there were some papers on the lady's desk.

Going over, he rolled open the document and saw a space. It was just the right size for what the hokage had thought him to do. He looked around for something to write with and came across a pen. Taking it, he made the symbols the old man showed him how to do.

Having completed one, and pleased to do it, Naruto did it again with two other rolly things that were also on the desk.

He was about to open a fourth rolly thing, when the lady who usually sat at the desk came back in.

The Hokage's secretary, on the other hand, just sighed when she came back into the office from a bathroom break.

She had already learned from her brothers kids that the ages of 2 to 6 (The age where parents could dump the children into the school) were the worst. Too old to look cute and stay in a small confined area, and too young to be disciplined for things they clearly did not understand. With four year old Naruto, who had a lot of energy, this meant that one had to look out for burst of boredom, or excitement.

It wasn't that she hated the child, rather she was constantly exasperated when the Hokage couldn't take care of him, and being a village of Shinobi, the tower didn't exactly have a day care, or room for that either. Not that Shinobi were known for taking children to work in the first place, except in times of emergency. She really did hope that the Hokage considered the request to at least give the boy a tutor of some kind, just to keep him out from underfoot.

Still, just maybe she could get some revenge on the Hokage, in an unsuspecting kind of way. The cafeteria did have that rich chocolate cake on display today, and she could easily get the whole thing for Naruto. In fact, if she brought him back to the office right after he scarfed it down, as kids were wont to do...

Smiling, she went up to the desk. "Naruto, would you like something to eat?"

"Eat?" asked the four year old.

"Yes, something yummy," she continued while smiling and rubbing her stomach.

Naruto nodded excitedly, and got out of the chair. The secretary looked at what had happened, rolled up the three scrolls and placed them back to the side of the desk where they were before she left for the washroom. Knowing the people inside of the office, they would want to get them afterwards.

Thinking of her revenge, she just gathered Naruto in order to feed him all the sugar filled contraband she could.

---

In his office, the Hokage was tempted to just toss the four people in front of him out of the room through the window. Not that it would harm them, it was just the principle of the thing, given how long winded they tended to be. Whoever said politics was fun was to be condemned or assassinated, or at least that is what Sarutobi thought. "What is the next item of business from the council?"

Hyuga Hiashi decided that this next one was up to him. If anything, the people who accompanied him here were too full of respect to come right out and say what they wanted. Or at least that's how it was with the Thirds advisor's, Homura and Koharu. The Uchiha, Fugaku was probably thinking of something stupid again, as was his wont. "Hokage-sama, there is the matter of choosing a successor for you."

Sarutobi chuckled, "Ah, you're all anxious to see me out of this chair."

Hiashi said flatly, "No. We are concerned with what may happen if you die. When the Fourth died, we were fortunate that you were still alive and available to take over. If you hadn't been, then it might have been months, perhaps a year, before we had another to lead in your place, and given the time, one who may have taken us to war to prove our 'strength.'"

"I see," Sarutobi said as he pulled out his pipe, "What you want is contingency plans in place in case something happens to me, in order to prevent possible wars."

Fugaku shrugged, "We're shinobi, so none of us are strangers to war and killing, or doing what is necessary. However, we should do only what is necessary, and war is not necessary unless as a last resort. It was fortunate that the Forth was there in the last war as his participation was the only thing that prevented it going on longer. Prosperity comes with having peace, and we need the stability."

"I agree," Homura stated, "Without stability, we will not recover. Far too many losses have happened in the last 20 years, and we will need at least another 20 years to come back up to strength from just 5 years ago. We can't afford to have someone like Danzo manipulate the council if he has a chance."

"Who do you have in mind?"

"Jiraiya, and if he refuses, then Tsunade."

Sarutobi had a coughing fit as hot smoke went into his lungs unexpectedly. "...You do know they'd never accept the position."

Koharu smiled sadly, "I know there are problems, but if Konoha really needed them, they would come back. I have to have faith they would come back and not leave us."

"Very well...I will agree to this. Do you have a document prepared?"

Hiashi smiled slightly as Koharu went to get the scrolls from the next room, "Earlier today, we managed to get the entire council to sign three copies agreeing to our choices. Danzo put in the position of openly protesting it, or agreeing with the more prosperous members where his power lies. He, of course, signed the document."

Sarutobi took the documents and read the first one, raising his eyebrows slightly at the name that was right after Tsunade's. This was a surprise. "I want to know, do you agree to what has been written here? Without hesitation, without question?"

Each nodded in turn, and Sarutobi himself nodded after making sure all three scrolls were marked the same. He then inked his own name and placed his seal on the document, and under each of the names that was listed as the candidates, in order. He then motioned them over, Please help me in sealing the scroll against someone changing the document.

All of them put their hands one at a time over the rolled up scrolls, applying a bit of chakra to ensure that the document become as tamperproof as possible. Sarutobi then turned motioned to one of his hidden ANBU guards to take one of the scrolls to the Archive, while he filed one into his storage room. The final one was given back to Hiashi so that he could show the council that the document was agreed to and signed.

Naruto choose that moment to run in through the door which had been left slightly open. He went up to the hokage holding out something as he approached. "Hey Old Man! Have some!"

Sarutobi laughed and took the candy bar from the boy. "Naruto, do you want to be Hokage when you grow up?"

"Hokage? What is a Hokage?" the curious child asked.

"The hokage is a person who leads the shinobi and the village providing protection and safety." Sarutobi answered with a small grin.

"Huh?" was Naruto's response while his face scrunched up.

"He keeps everyone safe, and people like him." the Hokage said in a manner that the boy would understand.

"Then I want to be Hokage!" shouted Naruto excitedly, having had a lot of sugar.

"Good. Because you will be Hokage in the future. The people here have made sure of that!" Sarutobi laughed as he looked at the suddenly stunned faces in the room.

Hiashi quickly opened up the scroll, and noted that Naruto's name was on it, and it wasn't in Sarutobi's neat script. It looked hastily scrawled rather than purposefully put in and he had a suspicion that Danzo had something to do with it. He had always wanted Naruto to be part of his Root organization, and to be a weapon. Getting his hands on the boy would make him into a mere puppet instead of a leader. Giving the scroll over to the others so that they could peruse it, he stated, "Naruto. You will need to go to the academy to become a shinobi."

"What is a shinobi?"

"A person with super powers," whispered a stunned Koharu after perusing the signed and sealed scroll.

"Then I'm going to be the best shin'bi and 'kage ever!"

The four people seeing this hyperactive child, advisor's and councilmen alike, couldn't help but wish Sarutobi a nice, long healthy life.


	9. That time of the month

_Kakashi was not a person who got emotional, or rather he didn't get emotional where someone who didn't really know him very well could see him. Now, this was good when you had a team of impressionable genin to train. It commanded respect and duty and tended to scare them into getting with the program if they thought their trainer didn't care for their lives._

"Sakura, you might want to come down now. Naruto has gone for the evening."

_Too bad he had already blown that advantage with his first group._

"Are you sure Kakashi-Sensei? He isn't just hidden somewhere is he?"

_He was there to train and intimidate them. Make sure that they knew the value of teamwork, and get it in their heads that they had to work, if they wanted to stay alive in this business._

Her other team member called out. "He's gone Sakura. I can't see him anywhere around."

_However, when everyone was scared of what one of his students would come up with, well, that was something else entirely._

Sasuke grimaced. He wasn't scared of Naruto, and he really didn't need him around, but he learned the hard way that his 'team mate' was extremely unstable, especially this time of the month. "Why didn't someone warn us about him?"

Kakashi knew that Naruto had some problems, but this was one even he didn't predict. And ANBU only kept watch on him when he was on the streets, or outside of his apartment. He coughed, "Umm...No one thought to keep track of him that much. He doesn't have many friends."

"Does anyone know what causes this? It's like he's a danger to the entire village!" Sakura just about screamed.

Kakashi winced, "Ahhh...not really."

The entire team looked at where Naruto had disappeared after Kakashi had dismissed the team. In their training area was absolute devastation from where an army of clones had done everything they could to get everything over for the day. Fast.

Everyone shuddered, wondering what could get a calm idiot like Naruto to become an engine of destruction.

--

"Hey! Are you ready?" Naruto shouted out as he came in range of his objective.

The man behind the counter had his eyes narrowed as his adversary came up, ready to do battle once again. "Of course. Did you think I'd forget what day it is? I'm ready for you this time!"

"Bring it on!"

The regulars looked on amused at this monthly extravaganza. This was one show that they never missed if they could help it.

"Ready..." said the man.

"Set..." replied Naruto.

Then they both said, "GO!!"

Both the old man, Teuchi, and Naruto growled, and the battle was on. Every month it was the same thing. So far they had tied with each other, and vast amounts of betting was carried out. To some, it was a beautiful thing, where the two were trying to get the other to fail and fall unconscious. To others, it was a disgusting display of the worst type of fight.

Ichiraku's ramen eating contest was on!


	10. Enter The Web

When people looked back on what happened, they really had to wonder about what the people in the council were thinking. Yes, it had brought quite a lot of prosperity to the village as a whole, but it also made an indomitable hero. Uzumaki Naruto was now the 'Face of Konoha' and many of the older generation were not pleased.

* * *

"This new system of connecting our computers, and eventually connecting our computers to other countries will enable us to learn more and have more clients." said the head of technical services to the entire council, including the Hokage and the visiting Kazekage.

Hiashi looked at the man, "It will also allow spies and infiltrators to get secrets of the village out to enemies just as fast, and our people in the field will be at a disadvantage."

Dr. Hashimoto sighed, knowing that this may be a losing argument. The people here really did not understand or want to understand technology, being more comfortable with paper and pen. "Our people in the field can have a mobile system. Think of the advantages if we can update our people in the field with new information, or get them the latest layouts of guard posts or other necessary changes before they attack."

Danzo snorted. He was not behind this at all, but he at least had the intelligence to realize that it could help in some way, if the idea was limited a bit more. "How would it help us to get more clients?"

Hashimoto smirked and turned on a projection screen attached to the computer he had brought in. "With this. A information index that allows people to find out what our shinobi can do and how they carried out their non-classified missions."

The council stared at what had been presented and a civilian member asked, "And anyone can see this?"

"Anyone who connects to the system."

Danzo suddenly got a brilliant idea that would get one headache out of the way, especially with how the civilian members were now talking about how this could help their businesses. "Hokage-Sama, I would suggest that we set up this in the village for now and test it, with free access to the machines in several places, such as some restaurants. If it works well, we can see about expanding it, and I as well as the ninja here will want to know how portable units will help us in the field."

The Hokage looked at everyone, many who had eager looks on their faces, while some had misgivings. The thing about any new knowledge was it was a double edged sword, and once made, someone else could duplicate it just from hearing about it. Naruto and his clones were a prime example of this, as well as the spread among the younger generation of the Oiroke no Jutsu. She sighed, "Alright. I'll approve this for now, but I want every ninja to own a computer free of charge as they will need to learn how they work. The Kazekage and I need to do a few things, so we will leave the rest of the decisions about this project in your hands. Dr. Hashimoto, you will be in charge of completing this by next month and we will review the results in six months time.

As the two Kage's left the room, some could swear they heard Tsunade mutter, "Kami-sama, those people just love to send me paperwork!"

Danzo was pleased. While many of his people could work computers, and would be able to do this, there was one ninja that was sure to fail given his marks. Maybe then he could have his weapon.

* * *

Naruto was disturbed by a loud knocking on his door. Grumbling about it being too early and he had just gotten back from a mission, he picked up a few more kunai that he had sitting at the side of his bed and went to answer. "WHAT THE HELL IS IT? IT'S TEN IN THE MORNING YOU IMBECILE!!"

The person who was standing in front of him didn't even flinch at this declaration. The delivery person had gotten used to this after the first three customers, and one kunai that had come close to his ear from that one crazed kunochi. He was sure this was revenge for getting those new style okonomiyaki from that vendor and not the piss ya the Hashimoto wanted. Since reading all of those old records, he had almost gone into a frenzy concerning historical accuracy for the techs. "I'm here to deliver your computer on the Hokage's orders."

"Com-what? What are you talking about?" exclaimed a peeved Naruto

The tech continued to smile, "I'm supposed to deliver this and set it up for you It is to be considered part of your duties as a Shinobi of this village. I'm here to set it up and leave."

Naruto grumbled, but let the guy in with his boxes.

After getting showered and dressed properly, he looked at what the guy had put in his apartment, "What the HELL! I've only seen those things at the hospital. What does she expect me to do, become a medic like Sakura?"

Without even looking at the books, or the note on it, Naruto was out his door and on the way to the Hokage's tower.

* * *

Sakura, naturally read hers, and also read on how to do the index programing for her 'page' in it. Unfortunately, she wasn't allowed to reveal most of her missions or a lot of information since it was considered classified at the highest levels. However, she did end up writing some things about herself, treating it like a diary and one interesting paragraph turned up:

So far, my work as a medic has taken me to many places, and I have seen and done some amazing things. Honestly, have the things I've done would not have been so interesting, or so dangerous, if it wasn't for my team mate Naruto, who had the Great Naruto Bridge named after him. Sometimes, it's hard to admit, but he is a great Ninja, and for some reason I am sure that he will become Hokage in the future, just like his dream. He is one of the strongest people I know, not because of the strength of his abilities, but because he cares. Perhaps that is why he's one of the best Friends I've ever made. It just took me a long time to realise this.

* * *

Naruto quickly came to a halt before Tsunade's door and barged in, like usual. "What's the meaning of that machine old lady? I'm not about to become a medic nin, I need to go and get Sasuke back!"

Tsunade looked at Naruto and replied, "Shut it Brat! It's not for you to become a medic, it's to help you with your missions and planning. Didn't you even read the note that came along with the computer?"

"Note? What note?" came the aggrieved reply.

Tsunade's response was to hit him on the head. "Get off it brat! It was with the books that came with the machine. You need to read it, and them, and then do the simple assignment that is on the note. Those are your orders, and you're not going on another mission until you do it."

"What?! You're crazy"

"Nope. That's how it's going to be. Not get out of my office Brat!"

After Naruto left in a huff, Tsunade pulled out a small bottle of sake and started to sip, not noticing Shizune was in the room. Shizune quickly took the bottle away. "You're not getting any more until you do the assignment yourself."

"Shizune!"

"Now!"

Tsunade grumbled a bit since this public relations work was taking time from the more important things in life, such as relaxing or gambling. She then went to work on her own page and after writing a brief overview of the village, she started on the various Shinobi, and the first one after Shizune was her favourite brat:

If it wasn't for Naruto, I would never have come back to Konoha. He showed me that the Hokage title did have meaning, and was willing to put himself in front of Oroichimaru in order to save me. He didn't have to do that, in fact I ordered him not to, but he was willing to give up everything to do what he considered the right thing. I am proud to know him, and to see the will of fire that has inspired me to come back to Konoha living on in him. In the future, I see him becoming greater than the rest of us, and leading us to a safe future.

* * *

Hinata looked at her own page, and for a change, decided to be a bit bold. Her father has written some thing on the Hyuga clan as a whole and was not enthused by the project, but he stilled followed orders. She herself was interested and listed some of the things that she had done that were not classified, and then noticing how to do it, added a second page that would hopefully remain unnoticed as she was not really bold enough for anybody to learn. Little did she know at the time that people would be able to find that 'hidden page' very easily as there was a link to do so:

All my life, I've been considered weak, almost insignificant. The only reason I have become as strong as I have was because of Uzumaki Naruto. Since the academy he has been my inspiration, my reason for going beyond myself. No matter what, he gets up and continues onward.

He has saved so many peoples lives, and continues to do so, in the face of opposition and hate. I don't understand the hate, and I dislike how they refuse to see the person he is. He is a kind, caring person, teaching children, defeating enemies, and ensuring that everyone is cared for. He will fight his enemies, but he shows mercy and does not kill them, if he can. I can think of no stronger person, nor one that deserves so much respect and admiration.

Hinata's entry continued like that for quite a while, including small anecdotes of what she had observed, and how he encouraged everyone around him.

* * *

Naruto read the note and was confused by all the terms. Couldn't they write this thing so that people could understand it? Grumbling, he left his apartment again and went to see Iruka. Maybe he could make heads or tails out of this, or at least explain the words that didn't seem to make sense.

* * *

Kakashi did his page fast, and his only comment on Naruto was that he was the most unpredictable and loyal person he had ever known.

* * *

Lee wrote about the springtime of youth since he had Gai to help him. Both of them wrote almost an entire textbook that ended up listing the people they considered their rivals. They both wrote about how inspirational it was that Naruto had defeated Neji in his first time in the Chunin exams, but it was lost in between all the rambling.

* * *

Shino just wrote that he liked insects and logic, and was trilled to have this new machine.

* * *

Kiba wrote about himself and his team, but made things out to be better than they were, and his ego had him writing things that he wouldn't normally go into. Kiba's page went up and most was erased about an hour later due to security and put only his publicly skills and abilities down. His treatise on how to treat dogs remained.

* * *

All Shikimaru wrote was that he liked to watch clouds, Ino wrote about flowers, and Choji wrote about food.

* * *

Iruka was staring at the machine in front of him, while reading the manual. He was, of course, interrupted by Naruto who kept asking him questions about the computer and how to do the assignment. Iruka welcomed it, as since it was teaching, they could end up learning together. For the rest of the day, the two would be putting their head together to get used to something that they really had no idea how to operate.

* * *

The Kazekage wrote a letter to Hashimoto and it had this to say about the village:

Konoha is the place where I made my first and best friend, the person who has ended up saving me at least twice, and once from myself. He is the strongest person I know, and defeated me when I was at my most horrible, and ended up defeating a Bijuu as well. When I think of Konoha, I think of Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, student of Jiraiya, favoured of Tsunade. He is the true reason that Konoha still stands to this day as if he had not defeated me and Shukaku, the village would have fallen to the one who betrayed both our villages, Orochimaru.

* * *

Tenten used the page to write about everything she believed in, and how little respect she had for fangirls.

* * *

Neji put a lot of thought into his page, and wrote various dry commentaries from inside the Hyuga clan and happenings around the village. He also, humbly, made mention that he had been an asshole to several people in his family until he was publicly turned around by Naruto, even writing down the blonds speech since it should be preserved for prosperity. It also warned that arrogant people had better be prepared to face Naruto and lose, because with something to fight for, he was undefeatable, even by the mighty Hyuga clan.

* * *

After Naruto left, Iruka did his own page, and wrote about his students, especially the twelve, as they had come to be known in village lore. On Naruto, he wrote the following:

While in my class, Naruto was the town prankster, and his pranks were big, even to somehow painting the entire Hokage mountain in less than a few hours. To this day, no one knows how he did it, and it is an embarrassment to quite a few of the senior ninjas as not only was a mountain that overlooks the whole village painted by hand, he was unable to be caught by even the ANBU. Some ninja we are, and I have a feeling that on that day, Naruto let me catch him.

Naruto is a study in contrasts. While I admit he didn't do well in my class, I do know talent, and he has a lot. By himself, and only reading the instructions, he was able to create the solid clones known as shadow clones in less that two hours. It is for this reason, some people have named him the Orange Hoard.

* * *

Jiraiya looked at it and convinced a star struck fan of his series to write an ad for his Icha Icha books. However, he also added the following:

Currently, I'm training the most hard headed kid who refuses to let me do my research, or at least not much of it. How can I write the Icha Icha series without the proper research? Yes, Naruto is a strong boy, and is good at picking up skills, but the brat has this thing against a super pervert such as myself. I blame Tsunade for this.

* * *

In the end, Naruto got to his web page, but found that all of his missions were classified. Or at least that's what he thought, and he was NOT going to write about the D-ranks that he had done. He simply wrote:

My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I am going to become the Hokage. I am also going to bring back Uchia Sasuke to this village and nothing is going to stand in my way. I never go back on my word, and I will protect all those who are precious to me.

* * *

It was the following day when things started to get strange.

To start, people began to read what others wrote, and the civilians wanted to know more about the people who protected them. With that some drastic changes started to take place. And it started around the hot springs.

Jiraiya was doing his 'research' when several women and Kunoichi came out of the forest behind him while he was busy peeking. After hearing a cleared throat, he turned around. In a nervous voice he asked, "Ladies, what can I do for you?"

Jiraiya ended up in the beating of his life.

Many young women of the village were now praising Naruto for preventing the pervert from doing as much as he wanted, while many men were grumblings and shot dark glances at Naruto.

Some people were staring at the young man as he walked to get the next mission he was going to be assigned to, but he was used to it. He never noticed the gossiping that was being done by the younger people. Still, the result of this gossip would change the minds of quite a few people and make his life easier, but many of the older generation still had some resentment.

It wasn't until a month later that things really started to get strange

* * *

"So, how was the mission?" Tsunade asked.

Naruto was grumbling while Kakashi answered, "Easy. Maybe too easy. The bandits took one look at Naruto and gave up without a fight."

Shizune opened her mouth slightly and Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"It seems that Naruto has a reputation. He was called the Unpredictable, while one was saying something about 'the orange hoard'. We had no troubles, and as long as they didn't have to fight Naruto they were happy and crying as they gave up. I handed some of them over to Ibiki to interrogate."

* * *

"Hokage-sama, we have received a record number of mission requests, more than we can handle." stated a disheveled chunin.

"Well, send the overflow to Gaara as per the agreement. He is still trying to get Suna back to where it belongs." Tsunade stated calmly, although she wanted the bash the poor man. He should already know of the agreement.

"Ah, there is a problem. Most of the request are for Uzumaki-san to handle the mission." stated the now nervous ninja.

Tsunade got a bit worried about this. "Look them over, and give Naruto only the ones that we are sure are not traps. I need to talk with some people."

"Shizune!" Tsunade called as soon the the chunin left. "Get the Akatsuki intelligence team in here. I need to know if the increase in missions, especially asking for Naruto may be a way for them to get him alone."

* * *

Danzo was growing displeased. Naruto had completed the assignment, and somehow was gaining a huge following.

* * *

For months, this went on, and when the review of the system came up, a report showed that Naruto's page was the most visited by people coming to town.

Missions were Uzumaki were sent on became much easier as a result, but people still could not figure out how such a simple statement could entice them to want him.

For the council, it would remain a mystery.

The older generation couldn't say anything, and several of them had changed their minds, but a few were still of the 'I Hate Naruto / The Demon / Kyubbi' fan club. They wouldn't change their ways, but it was getting harder to keep customers when they showed this attitude, or expressed it in any way. They kept quiet for the sake of their jobs.

The project, especially because of the rise in missions, was considered a success.

What happened when it went across the Elemental Countries is a story for another time.


	11. The Real Mission

It was a mission that was unusual.

It was a mission that was downright bizarre.

It was a mission that had to be a trap.

Unfortunately, it was a mission that could not be refused since it was requested by the wife of the Fire Lord.

And it all started with a magazine...

* * *

Naruto was at home, resting between his missions and training with ero-sannin, Kakashi, and whoever else he could get to show him stuff, or that he could spy on. Just that day, he had been observing one of the new genin team train, hoping to pick up a few hints that Kakashi and the others failed to teach him. He wasn't one to dismiss any source of information, thanks to the one day of training with the closet pervert.

At the moment, he was going over his mail, and seeing what bills could be done, what couldn't be done, if there was anything that he really wanted, and to see how full he could get gamachan.

For the most highly paid genin in Konoha, Naruto didn't spend a lot. After all, he trained most of the time, so entertainment, which many of his acquaintance would like, was not to be found. His spare bedroom was filled with special dry goods, just in case of a price increase, and he had more weapons and trick systems than a normal genin, thanks in part to the training ground where he would find things others left behind, and that Jiraiya had helped him find on the training trip.

After taking care of his business, he decided to relax a bit and he grabbed the only magazine that he had a monthly subscription to. It was a business magazine that had very few subscribers, and that only a few more even knew about. It was also the only magazine where he felt that technology should take a leap.

As he read the magazine, he came across one small article, and the information within.

It was fantastic!

The answer to his dreams!

He had to find some way to get this new product!

* * *

After a couple of days, in which he couldn't find anything in Konoha concerning this new product, Naruto was getting desperate. It turned out that there was no call for it in the village. In fact, he would be the only one to buy the product, and to the merchants, it would not be cost effective.

To that end, he decided that he had to go get the product himself.

Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

To start, the Hokage would not let him go, just to get it, and even though he could afford a mission to do so, she wouldn't accept it if she knew it was him requesting it. Especially considering where he would have to go to get it.

So he had to be sneaky.

Taking note of something Jiraiya told him on the long trip, he decided that the best thing to do was stake out a possible target for him to get there.

That was when he noticed a person he hadn't seen since he had done D rank missions.

He remembered this woman. Oh did he ever. He would also never forget her cat.

* * *

"Do I need anything in Noodle Country?" Madame Shijimi asked incredulously.

"Yes." Naruto said simply while kneeling in front of her.

Shijimi thought for a moment. The request wasn't as unusual as it sounded at first. Being part of the ruling class, she knew that her countries shinobi depended upon her, especially for all of the 'missions' she commissioned. It was her way of getting to know a few of the young individuals, and keep an eye on some potentials that could be counted as discrete, and more importantly, powerful enough to protect her people. In front of her was one of the prime examples of the later.

And she did have a letter to send to the Damiyo of that country in any case, but she also knew the boy had some other scheme in mind. The boy was a traveller, and, although he loved the village, she could see that he was stifling here, especially with some of the politics. Allowing him to go on a mission by himself would be a good way to keep him in her favour, and he could also spend a couple of days there, picking up some new china for her, if she made the order.

"I do have something, let me inform the Hokage about it so that you can get what I need."

* * *

The Hokage stared at the C rank mission that specifically requested Naruto.

A mission that the Fire Lady, Madame Shijimi said that Naruto had to do alone.

What was the woman thinking?

* * *

So Naruto left on his little trip, and ended up in trouble again. This time in what was left of the hidden village of Waterfall.

He had decided to see the place that Konoha adopted their shoulder symbol from, and that the Old Man had said to wear proudly. Unfortunately, he had also run into a team from sound. The team, of course, was quickly taken care of.

Unfortunately for Naruto, this team was a research team, sent to find if any scrolls were left over containing techniques, or anything else. There wasn't a lot there, but what there was there was negligible, except for one technique scroll, which, unknowingly, was written with his clan in mind.

Not that he knew that at the time.

So it was that Naruto was chased occasionally by other sound teams, and those sound survivors kept talking about the 'orange sea.'

* * *

It didn't take long for Naruto to finish his business in Noodle, and he quickly arrived back home and gave the mission contents, contained in carrying scrolls to the Hokage.

As usual, Naruto's report was slightly disjointed, and he only mentioned that some of the Sound were on the way there and back, not even realizing why they were after him.

He kept what he got from Waterfall, but his real treasure was the twenty storage scrolls he kept for himself.

And he had an empty gamachan.

But for the 1 and 2 minute version of Smoodles, it was well worth it!

* * *

Smoodles, by the way, is the name they are known in the industry.

For real Naruto fans, visit this page: www.instantramen.or.jp/english/index.html


	12. Kakashi's Lament Part Five

It had been a month so far.

A month that to Kakashi, almost defined hell on Earth.

Given the failure of the two idiots, he had been forced to do teamwork exercises and other incidentals instead of missions. Not that is was bad to do so, but he had wanted to get as many D ranks out of the way as possible so that he could get back to the higher paying missions. At the moment, however, that was impossible.

Pinky and Sulker were the definition of dead ninja in training.

Sakura was a fan girl. At the moment she didn't concentrate on anything to do with training, and more on raising Sasuke's already overlarge ego and trying to put down Naruto. If she didn't get it into her head soon that in a real mission she would be useless or dead, he was going to request that she be dropped from field duty and assigned to someplace like an out of the way office where he'd never have to see her again.

Sasuke was a pain to teach rather than the genius he was supposed to be. He really didn't care much for his team and only wanted to know the most destructive techniques possible. While good in someways, he was disregarding the basics necessary to be a successful shinobi. Worse, he acted like he was owed this due to his name alone, not to any actual work put in. If not for the unusual circumstances surrounding the test, Kakashi would have dismissed this as his imagination. If the brat survived even six to eight months, he'd be ready to sweep a lobby, if he could even do that correctly.

The true surprise had been Naruto.

When Kakashi got the team, he was given several documents on each of the students, including psych, physical, known techniques, bloodlines, etc. One of the most significant ones was the student report on Naruto by various teachers. With the exception of Iruka, all the teachers had stated that the boy was a slacker and an idiot, who didn't deserve to be a shinobi of the leaf. Given the discrepancy between the teachers of the previous years and Iruka, he was speculating that either the teachers could not see what they had in front of them, or that the only training that was given to any of the students had been at home.

The previous teachers did praise Sakura and Sasuke highly after all.

Still, Naruto did not match up with any of the reports.

"OK, that's enough for the day. Meet at the bridge tomorrow." Kakashi said as he disappeared into thin air.

The difference was the reason that Kakashi was now going to take some time and follow the kid for the day and see his routine.

Now in the previous month, he had confirmed and visited Naruto's office, which had very complete yet sanitized information on almost everyone in the academy. The books were an eclectic thing, without any real common factors. From ancient books that were hard to read because of the condition and faded writing, to text books on things that made absolutely no sense for a shinobi, it seemed that Naruto delved into anything he could get his hands on.

Why have a book on the mating habits of various types of worms next to a treatise on various tobacco's was something that merited a visit to the White House, especially with the nonsensical notes in the margins. Who actually wanted a wine of distilled tobacco leaves? That would taste horrible. Or the relationship between wolves and worms. It was as if the boy was a schizophrenic.

Still, there was more going on than the two idiots realized. If they had just taken a look at some of the stuff in the journals, they would have realized that Naruto had a lot of plans, such as that weapon he used. They also didn't find a cache of computer chips with locked videos, probably surveillance of some kind. Either Naruto was in ANBU, which he had already ruled out, or the Hokage was just too kind.

He followed Naruto to a lunch stand, and used a radio to listen in on the bug he planted earlier.

"Hey Ayame neechan! How are you today?"

"Fine Naruto-kun. Your usual?"

"Not today."

A snort was heard. "Naruto not eating his usual? I'll have to close the stand."

"Come on Teuchi! I want twice my usual order!

There was a pause, "I don't know if I have that much prepared."

"Well, whatever you have, and keep them coming. I missed breakfast."

Kakashi was treated to the site of his most unusual student eating what had to be his body weight in noodles. Where did the kid put the stuff? The only other person he knew that liked noodles that much was the Yondaime, and even he didn't eat more than a bowl or two at a time.

He continued to follow the kid when he went into the tower, where he was apparently meeting with the Hokage.

"Well Naruto, how are thing today."

"Ah, could be better. The emo's still all huffy, and Sakura is getting to be more stupid by the day."

Kakashi winced at the next statement "They must have learned to be a team by now."

"Dream on! Ego boy thinks he's team by himself, and he needs to be knocked down a wall before we'll see him even consider, condescendingly, his team. He'll want them to get a bottle of water and a towel, since he is the oh so amazing Uchia."

"Maybe a new sensei would work."

"Nah, not Kakashi's fault. You can't make them learn if they don't want to."

"What do you suggest then?"

"A mission. C rank or better."

"Naruto, your team hasn't even completed a D rank yet. They're not ready.

"Yeah, but we need to have something that appeals to the ego and his fangirl, can be put past the council, and will show them that this isn't a game."

"Ok. I'll have your team here tomorrow to get a mission. You want to tell him?"

"Yeah, I think I've strung him along for enough time. Yo! Kakashi, get your butt in here and pick up your bug."

Kakashi grimaced.

* * *

And so, they were off to Wave escorting an old drunk.

He had let the genin handle the first obstacle, observing what they were doing.

Sakura barely got in front of the client. She was expecting Sasuke to save them all.

Sasuke managed to pin the chain, but was about to get killed.

Naruto yawned and pointed his hands at the two opponents.

Knowing what was coming, Kakashi said a prayer for the two.

Except, it wasn't the explosion and rocks that came out of the tubes underneath his hands.

He had expected that.

What came out this time were thin wires connected to senbon. And when they connected, the Demon Brothers screamed and shook as if in unbearable agony.

It also went on for a full minute before it stopped.

It looked like another weapon he had to request be added to the S class list.

When had Naruto gotten this cruel?


	13. Kakashi's Lament, Part Six

Kakashi had seen a lot of things in ANBU before he decided to retire and become a regular Jonin again. Assassination missions, information gathering, disgusting habits, the whole bit. He honestly did not think that he could be surprised anymore.

Unfortunately for him, he had to pass a Genin team.

Currently, he had a very angry avenger, who did not want to get to know his team mates, and jealous of one of them. Supporting this unthinking soul was his fangirl who was looking at the third member of the team as though he was a demon of some kind. The third member was acting bored and calmly tying up the two Chunin who had managed to get fried.

He really did not want to know where Naruto had learned a lightning technique, or how he got the senbon to fly so fast.

As of now, he was talking to the client and learning about the situation in Wave that was clearly far outside the requested mission. It was a situation that made itself, and had a businessman trying to become something more by destroying the moral of an entire country. Apparently, even the Daimyo of Wave didn't know that if he had just made a request with the right information Konoha would have been more than willing to provide assistance for a future consideration.

It's what made Fire Country so powerful militarily. By assisting others, and not calling in the marker immediately, Konoha used this to gather something more important than money. A reputation for being nice and powerful political connections that they could use to up trade, which was the real life blood of the country.

And just as clearly, having powerful 'heroes' who protect the people is also good for business.

"Just what is that kid?" asked a confused, flustered, and slightly scared Tazuna, especially since he had insulted the kid earlier.

Putting together what he knew of Naruto, he replied, "The most surprising ninja in the world. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Now, I need to talk with my team. It may be better for you to stay here for a bit."

Tazuna gulped as he noticed the Jonin looked at the spiky blond haired one, "Right. No going near them for now."

As he approached the trio, he thought of how to phrase the question. It was, after all, a team decision to go on even though his initial thought was to head straight back to Konoha. Too bad he never got a chance to voice that thought.

"We're going on." Sasuke grunted.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow in a voiceless challenge.

Sasuke snorted, "If the Dobe could handle this, then there isn't much of a challenge."

Sakura nodded in agreement. "Two supposed ninja being taken down by one move? They obviously don't have what it takes."

Naruto yawned, "It's better than D ranks. Besides, I want to stretch my muscles a bit."

Kakashi sighed. It was three against one.

--

It was the clash with Zabuza that allowed Kakashi to learn more about his most dangerous student.

After he was captured, Naruto got this huge grin and started to feel himself along his forearms. He was up to something, and that wouldn't be good. Considering the fact that he was next to the target...

"Zabuza, could you please kill me?"

Zabuza turned his head to Kakashi, his face showing surprise. "I wouldn't think you'd be like that, given Konoha's reputation."

He turned his attention back to the Genin. "How pathetic. Do you really think you could beat me? You and your friends aren't even worth of the title ninja. You're all nothing but snot nose little brats."

Naruto smirked more as he saw the new water clones gathered, "Sasuke, Sakura, protect Tazuna. I've got a meeting to go to."

With that, Naruto made one hand sign and over a hundred clones appeared.

Zabuza laughed, "Do you think clones could help you now?"

Naruto's only reply was, "These clones can."

The clones started towards Zabuza water clones and quickly took care of all but one, leaving an impressed Zabuza, "So Kakashi, it looks like you have a prodigy on your team after all."

Kakashi's mumbled reply to that was, "Couldn't you have killed me before he does something worse?"

Naruto grinned, "You like water clones, don't you?"

"What of it brat?"

"Just this," and with those words, Naruto raised one hand and a soft 'fwut' was heard as suddenly the remaining clone blew up and caught on fire.

"I have the ability to set water on fire. Care to see what happens when I apply it to your body?"

Zabuza gulped suddenly, knowing what Kakashi was talking about now. "How about I let your sensei go. I think I have to leave the area.

--

As Zabuza and Haku were running through the the trees he contemplated the blond gaki. If there was a new jutsu that Konoha had that could set water on fire, perhaps he could learn it, and end some injustice. "Haku, when we get back to base, we are going to kill Gato, grab any valuables, and then drain his bank accounts."

"Zabuza sama?"

"Kid, you saw what happened. If we give half the money to wave, and then keep the rest with us while throwing ourselves on the mercy of Konoha, we may end up happy. If not, we do not want to confront the Firewater Ninja again. He's too dangerous."

Haku nodded and followed her leader.

--

Kakashi looked at the glass dart with silver lining that Naruto handed him to look at. At first, he had let it drop to the ground, afraid that whatever it was would blow up on him, like before. Fortunately, nothing happened. The dart was probably the carrier for whatever that jutsu was.

Naruto was grinning as Kakashi looked at the fake dart. There was nothing on it or in it to find and the new launchers worked great. Now, how to deal with that outraged and jealous look on Sasuke's face.


	14. Smurfs Up!

"Hey Brock, look at this!" said an excited Ash Ketchum.

Brock looked at the pages of the book that were literally shoved into his face. "What is this about?"

When Brock took the book, Ash answered, "A treatise on one of the rarest pokemon out there!"

"Oh? Who's it by?"

"Someone named Gargamel. Come on, we have to find these Smurfs!"

"Here we go again." Brock said.

* * *

"They found the book of Gargamel!?" shouted the leader of Team Rocket.

"Yes sir," Said James, "They looking for something described in it."

"Get that book! It's from my ancestor and we need it to complete the work of Team Rocket!"


	15. Naruto's big idea

He really hated this.

Ever since he started to work with Ero-senin, Naruto felt that he was getting the short end of the stick.

At the moment, he was learning about seals, and how to draw and modify them.

There were two problems with this.

One, it was boring as hell.

The second was that his handwriting was not that good. Well, actually, it was atrocious. Most of the time, the tags didn't even work because of something that he had messed up. If only there was a way to do these things faster.

Ah well, he had to get some more supplies.

After he walked into the store, he asked the shopkeeper, "Hey, you have any ink and brushes?"

"Sure. What do you need?" asked the gentleman.

"A medium brush and ink, and lots of paper." Naruto replied happily.

"Ok, I have them all here. Writing a novel?" the man asked as he started to ring up the purchases.

Naruto took out Gama-chan, "Naw, just boring, repetitive work. I have to draw the same thing on all those sheets."

"Won't that take a long time?"

"Yeah, but there's no other way to do it." Naruto said as he accepted the bag.

"I wouldn't say that, young man." the gentleman said to Naruto, "There are other ways of doing things."

Naruto paused. While boring, he was learning about seals, and he knew the theory and how to draw them. The thing was it took time to draw. "If you have a faster way, then tell me."

Now the man smiled. He had just the line of products that would suit this. "Of course. Let me show you something."

Naruto was impressed, and realized something that would be great. Spending the next hour in the store, he wrote out his large order as well as buying a specially designed belt to his specifications. This was going to be fun.

* * *

Naruto stared at Itachi as the guy tried to capture him again. Didn't this idiot and the fish guy understand that no was no? "I ain't going with you!"

"Naruto," Itachi stated in a monotone, "It would be best if you come quietly."

"Nu-huh. No way. I ain't doing so." Naruto continued to shout as he reached for his belt and put a ring on.

Kisame snorted, "Lets just take the kid and get out of here. He won't be much of a problem."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto shouted as he charged and did a quick couple of punches at Kisame who dodged them with ease, then jumped at Itachi and did the same thing, even as Itachi moved slightly to be out of the way.

"See Naruto. You are no match for us." Itachi stated as calm as ever.

Naruto only said one word. "Boom!"

Kisame's Samahada and his cloak blew up as did Itachi's sending them back, and, incidentally nearly knocking them out.

A stunned Kisame said one thing before he was sent to the land of nod. "What happened?"

Itachi took that time to shunshin away. Naruto had somehow gotten an explosive note on him without being noticed. An extremely powerful one as well. Certainly, it has a lot of concussive force and was surprising. He would have to watch for this in the future.

Jiraiya came running when he heard the sound of the explosion, "What happened?"

"Hey ero-senin! I captured fish face!" shouted a happy Naruto.

Never would he regret shrinking Gama-chan so much, and he was going to have to make another order from the guy. Luckily he had his card. The self inking rings and stamps were a complete success for making seals!


	16. Kakashi's Lament Part Six by Ted Carroll

Kakashi's Lament Chapter Six rewritten by Ted Carroll

* * *

Kakashi had seen and done a lot of things in ANBU before he'd decided to retire and become a regular Jonin again; assassination missions, information gathering, disgusting habits, it was both amazing and horrifying what you could find when prowling around the dark corners of the world and prodding things with a kunai. He honestly didn't think he could be surprised by anything anymore.

Unfortunately for him, he had to pass a Genin team.

Currently, he had a very angry avenger, (Sauske) who didn't want to get to know his team mates, and was jealous of one of them. Supporting this angsty soul was his fangirl (Sakura) who was looking at the third member of the team as though he were a demon of some kind. The third member of the team (Naruto), merely looked bored and was calmly tying up the two chunin, who he had put down in a rather shocking manner.

He really didn't want to know where Naruto had learned a lightning jutsu, or how he'd gotten the senbons to fly so fast without moving his arms. Spring loaded launchers didn't generate such speed and he hadn't heard the tell tale crack of Naruto's forbidden jutsu.

As of now, he was talking to the client and learning about the situation in Wave, that was clearly far outside their requested mission. It was a situation that made itself, and had a businessman trying to become something more by destroying the moral of an entire country. Apparently, even the Daimyo of Wave didn't know that if he had just made a request with the right information, Konoha would have been more than willing to provide assistance for a future consideration.

It's what had made Fire Country so powerful militarily. By assisting others, and not calling in the marker immediately, Konoha gathered something far more important than money; a reputation for being nice and powerful with political connections that they could use to increase trade, which was the real life blood of any country.

And just as clearly, having powerful 'heroes' who protect the people was also good for business.

"Just what is that kid?" asked a confused, flustered, and slightly scared Tazuna, especially since he'd insulted the kid earlier.

Putting together what little he knew of Naruto, he replied, "The most surprising ninja in the world. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Now, I need to talk with my team. It may be better for you to stay here for a bit."

Tazuna gulped as he noticed the jonin looking at the spiky blond haired one. "Right, no going near them for now."

As he approached the trio, he thought of how to phrase the question. It was, after all, a team decision to go on, even though his initial thought was to head straight back to Konoha. Too bad he never got a chance to voice that thought.

"We're going on," Sasuke grunted.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow in a wordless challenge.

Sasuke snorted, "If the Dobe can handle this, then there isn't much ofa challenge."

Sakura nodded in agreement. "Two supposed ninja being taken down by one move? They obviously don't have what it takes."

Naruto yawned. "It's better than D ranks. Besides, I want to stretch my muscles a bit."

Kakashi sighed. It was three against one.

* * *

It was the clash with Zabuza that allowed Kakashi to learn more about his most… surprising student.

After Kakashi was captured, Naruto got this huge grin and started to feel along his forearms. He was up to something, and that couldn't be good for Kakashi, considering the fact that he was next to the target and both of them were covered in water.

"Zabuza, could you please kill me?" he asked, only half in jest, really not wanting to feel Naruto's, soon to be forbidden, just as soon as he could talk to the Hokage, lightning jutsu.

Zabuza turned his head to Kakashi, his face showing surprise. "I didn't think you'd be like this. Given Konoha's reputation, I expected something more than a jounin who gives up so easily."

He turned his attention back to the genin. "How pathetic. Do you really think you could beat me? You and your friends aren't even worthy of the title ninja. You're all nothing but snot nose little brats."

Naruto smirked as he saw the new water clones gathered, "Sasuke, Sakura, protect Tazuna. I've got a meeting to go to."

With that, Naruto made one hand sign and over a hundred clones appeared in a flash of smoke.

Zabuza laughed, "Do you really think your measly little clones can help you now?"

Naruto's only reply was, "These clones can."

The clones started towards Zabuza's water clones and quickly tore through all but one, leaving one fairly impressed missing-nin, "So Kakashi, it looks like you have a prodigy on your team after all."

Kakashi's mumbled reply to that was, "Could you please kill me before he does something I'll regret and probably won't live through anyway?"

Naruto grinned, "You like water clones, don't you?"

"What of it brat?" Zabuza snarled, feeling a bit uneasy. Kakashi's warning had been far too sincere for his liking.

"Just this," and with those words, Naruto raised one hand and a soft 'fwut' was heard, as suddenly the remaining clone blew up and caught on fire.

"I have the ability to set water on fire. Care to see what happens when I apply it to your body?"

Zabuza froze, wondering exactly how a genin could do something that any sane individual would deem impossible. How did one go about fighting someone who had apparently managed to overturn the common wisdom of water-beats-fire and had his own jounin preferring death to being in the way? Simple, one doesn't. "How about I let your sensei go? I think I have to leave the area, as I've just decided that working for Gato carries an unacceptable level of risk for the amount he's paying me."

* * *

As Zabuza and Haku were running through the trees he contemplated the blond gaki. If there was a new jutsu that Konoha had that could set water on fire, and not just a new bloodline, perhaps he could learn it and bring justice back to the Mist. "Haku, when we get back to base, we are going to kill Gato, grab any valuables, and then drain his bank accounts."

"Zabuza sama?"

"Kid, you saw what happened. He's too much of an unknown quantity to go up against, while we know Gato's operation inside and out now. If we give half the money to Wave on behalf of Konoha, and keep the rest, while throwing ourselves on the mercy of Konoha, we'll have a place to stay and a chance to learn what the kid knows."

Haku nodded and followed her leader.

* * *

Kakashi looked at the silver lined, glass dart that Naruto handed him. At first, he had let it drop to the ground, afraid that whatever it was would blow up on him, like before. Fortunately, nothing had happened. The dart was probably the carrier for whatever that jutsu was.

Naruto was grinning as Kakashi looked at the fake dart. There was nothing on it or in it to find and the new launchers worked great. Now, how to deal with that outraged and jealous look on Sasuke's face?


	17. If Dawn got her man

Xander was looking at the headmaster of the school his daughter went to as though he was crazy. "Are you serious?"

"Yes Mr. Granger. You really must give them a chance to redeem themselves. Think of all that you are denying them by not allowing them to live life to the fullest."

Xander Granger stood still for a few moments until he voiced quietly, "I am pulling Hermione out of your school. I am also pulling Mr. Potter out of your school due to excessive abuse, lying, being deceived by a teacher wanting to end his life, and several other cases. I have enough contacts in the Magical and regular communities to ensure that you are shut down if you try anything, and that is only here in England."

Hermione's eyes boggled, and she asked shakily, "Mom?"

"Don't interrupt dear. Your father is just explaining the facts of life to an old coot who cares more about the lives of his enemies than his own people. We know people like that, and unless they show they've redeemed themselves, they don't get the credit. Let me tell you about a person named Tara, and what almost happened to the planet sometime."

With that, Dawn explained how Tara was shot by a person who someone said to give a chance to. Dumbledor was listening, of course, but his face was getting paler by the second as the recital continued. "And so your father was the one who saved the world from ending that time. I'll explain more after we leave and call in the Big Guns to take care of any politics and to do the thing properly. We do have the ear of the Queen after all."


	18. Jedi Granger

The DMLE was not a fun place to be and he had been in a lot of places that weren't fun. He could tell when people wanted to pin something on him. "I'm a muggle, remember? I can't do magic."

Auror Dawlish was looking at the man as if he was crazy. In an attack by Death Eaters, he had managed to kill four of them before the rest took off, and according to witnesses, he was waving his metal wand. A wand that they had determined did no magic that they knew of. The post-mortem on the deceased indicated that each had died with a hole in their chests and no signs of what did it. If there was a new type of death curse, he needed to find out in order to have it banned immediately. "Listen, I don't know what type of magic you used, but it's obviously deadly. Come clean and I won't have you locked up."

Xander rolled his eyes, "And, what, praytell, am I supposed to have used to fire the spell?"

Dawlish was getting angrier by the second and then calmed himself. Perhaps by playing around he would find out how the man did what he did. Pulling out the wand, he laid it on the table. "With this wand, Mr. Granger."

Xander sighed as he looked at the gun that Andrew sent to him the year before. He was never going to live this one down. "That is not a wand, it's a light saber."

"A saber made out of light? No such thing exists." Dawlish snorted.

"You've never heard of the muggle Star Wars, have you? We've had our own dark lords that make yours seem like pansies. I can show you the documenteries if you want." Xander grinned at the man. Maybe Andrew's back up feature would get him out of this.

"Documentaries?"

"May I show you how I use it?" Xander asked as he gestured towards his 'wand'.

Dawlish looked at the grinning man and nodded. "No funny stuff. Understand?"

"Perfectly."

And with that he took the light saber and stood so that he was facing a wall to the side of the auror. He then took a stance and flicked the switch on it, causing a beam of light, seemingly solid, to flash out. "This is a light saber. An elegant weapon from a more primative time. Would you like to accompany me back to my home where I can show you evidence of the past wars?"

Dawlish's mouth hung open and he nodded slowly. The two of them left the Ministry and headed for Xander's home, where he sat the Auror in front of the television and put in a DVD with Star Wars on it. The Auror was soon entranced in the show. "And this actually happened?"

"Hey, it's a documentary all of us in the muggle world know. The Force is our friend, and we must always strive to stay on the light side of The Force."

When John Dawlish made it back, he closed the file with a little note indicating that Xander was exempt from charges since he only acted in self defense and used no magic. He also added the notation that Xander was one of a group of Knights highly respected in the muggle world, and they wanted no trouble with their order, which would happen if He Who Must Not Be Named was not put down.

If one Jedi Knight could do that to the Death Eaters, there was no telling what hundreds of them could do. And Xander assured him, with proof, that there were entire enclaves of Jedi in the Australian colony. Over a hundred thousand strong, and enough to put forward their own political party.

He'd have to see about getting a copy of those documentaries and showing them, somehow, to the others.


	19. The hiring

It had finally happened.

Dumbledore had been proven to be a complete madman.

It had started during the summer, when, as usual, it was time to hire the next disgraced/dead person/kidnapped/whatever also known as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

Of course, this year there were even fewer applicants, as in no one wanted anything to do with the position while Harry the-boy-who-ends-careers Potter was there.

Since he had joined the school, every summer rumours about what happened between him and the DADA professors mounted. From killing one of the Professors to getting them kidnapped. That this happened every year, and that each year it sounded as though the incidents were more scarring than the last was a good reason for not applying. It had gotten so bad that when Deloris Umbridge had been picked by Minister Fudge to be the next DADA professor, and his eyes in the school over what happened the year before, the woman quit and moved away.

Yes, she was evil and had tried to do away with the-boy-who-lived, something that had to be done for the political advantage, but she had been misinformed about his abilities. The dementors were not prepared for a fully corporeal Patronus being sent at them. If the political nightmare of a boy found out about that while she was the DADA Professor, and the rumours and proof she had of what had happened in the past were understated, as she was sure they were, then death would be the best thing she could hope for.

Word had come back a week after she left the country that the woman was now in some muggle community in the states and that she had a recommendation for Dumbledore and Fudge's open position at Hogwarts.

Seeing no option, especially as the beginning of the school year was so close, they accepted the recommendation and, without even meeting him, a Mr. B.T.D. Was confirmed as a professor for the upcoming year.

When Dumbledore met the...being...who had a fierce desire to prove love conquered all, he was all for this years teacher, and declared that he had permission to teach all he could of his philosophy.

September 1st rolled around, and after the sorting, Barney came in to the room.

There were many screams by the older students, and some of the younger ones were traumatized by memories of a song.

Before Dumbledore had finished introducing him, over half the students in the school had tossed spells ranging from bat bogey's to reductos, covering the staff table in bits of innards from the now deceased Professor.

Dumbledore was most disturbed when Hermione Granger led the charge to the table and started to eliminate the largest pieces left that she saw.

Even worse was that the Boy-Who-Lived was now on the ground, eyes glazed and in a fetal position declaiming 'The Purple'.

St. Mungo's had to send half their staff to handle the repercussions, which included several driven mad sixth and seven years and the catatonic Harry Potter.

Snape was, not unexpectedly, happy to hear the news that the Potter boy would have to spend at least the next year in therapy, once they broke through to him.

There had never been a more spectacular entrance by Barney the Dinosaur.


	20. Harry and Lina

"Whose idea was this again?" said the peeved young woman.

"Dumbledore's and his crony's in government."

She looked over at the dark haired young man with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. "I never even signed up for this! They are so going to owe me!"

Harry got a mischievous look, "Well, you're up first, so if you can handle a dragon."

The red head got the same look, "They're sitting in the stands, right?"

Harry's grin was even wider. He also didn't want to be in this. "Oh yes!"

The grins were large. They were huge. They scared the others.

* * *

"The first competitor is a true unknown. She has refused to reveal her biography for us to tell you. May I introduce, Lina Inverse!"

Lina came out of the tunnel and set her eyes on the dragon in front of her and shouted. "What do I get paid for this?"

The people in the stands started to mutter at the question. She was in the Tri-wizard tournament, and would be getting fame, and if she won, a fortune.

The judges were not as amused. Many of them were staring and frowning at a competitor trying to get money for competing. This was not something that was polite.

Ludo Bagman was especially not amused. He had too many galleons riding on the events. "Ms. Inverse, you will be paid if you win."

Lina stared at the guy and snorted. "Harry and I didn't enter and we are being forced to compete. In something that will kill us if we are unprepared. Now you want us to do so without compensation?"

Ludo was now looking around and quickly spotted the reporters who were now listening intently. He could just imagine the front page of the prophet in the morning. "I'm afraid the competition is set."

Lina huffed and turned to the dragon and pointed to the stands. "If you don't want a Dragon Slave up your ass, you'll help me with the fools in that stand."

"Miss Lina!" shouted a voice from the audience.

"Forget it Amelia. Just get the sunglasses and hang on to the ground." came another voice.

The dragon looked at the young person in front of her and her throat visibly gulped down air. In less then ten seconds, the dragon had walked over to the stands, and with pleading eyes, looked at the judges stand. It woofed in a pleading voice that also had a bit of fear in it.

This unprecedented incident was now causing a flurry of voices, many calling the competition rigged, and wondering who had handed out the polyjuice.

Bagman and Fudge were both incensed and in trouble. This whole thing was supposed to bring good publicity, especially after the World Cup, and now they were being accused of cheating. Fudge stood up and cast a Sonorous on himself, "What do you want?"

Lina grinned, "Well, since Harry and I have to compete when we didn't want to, and because you are forcing us to Minister Fudge, the two of us get a hundred thousand galleons per event, you remove the so-called Professor Snape from the school, and you actually investigate things instead of collecting gold to release Death Eaters and imprison Sirius Black without a trial on account of your Death Eater advisor Lucius Malfoy."

The audience was stunned at this demand, and Fudges face was steaming red. "Outrageous!"

"Oh well," Lina said, "I wasn't going to ask this, but since you refused, you can also explain how you were willing to have Dementors kiss Harry and an innocent man despite evidence to the contrary at the end of last year."

The reporters burst from their place and were now surrounding the soon to be former Minister as he was now quickly trying to escape. Being blocked from all sides, he finally relented, "OK! I AGREE! CALL THE REPORTERS OFF!"

Lina snorted and turned to the dragon, "Hand me that golden egg, will you? Also, tell your friends that if the see a young man with green eyes and a lightning scar on his forhead, he's to be given the golden egg as well. If not, well, a Dragon Slave for each of you sounds nice."

The dragon nodded and quickly did as told.

The judges had to award Lina full points, especially after the dragon came up to them and started to breath fire for not doing so earlier.

When Harry's dragon did the same, they had to give him full points as well.

* * *

Dumbledore was pacing in his office, wondering at the stupidity of the Minister.

He had tried everything, and was now in danger of loosing an entire lake.

What else could go wrong.

Sighing, he left his office, off to see the debacle that would finally end the career of one Cornelius Fudge.

There was nothing left for the politician to trade to either Harry or Lina, and keeping on the good side of those two was the only thing keeping him in office.

Lina had taken to teaching Harry her version of politics.

Make sure the politician owed you a lot, reveal their dirty laundry, a lot, and do it publicly, a lot.

The politicians retreated, as when Cornelius had to pay, from the taxpayers money, two hundred thousand galleons for just one appearance of the event. Another four hundred thousand was still in trust.

The politician folded their hand almost immediately, as was evidenced with the sudden determination of the DMLE to rearrest all the previous death eaters who were out and put them on trial with Veritaserum, and the allowance, with full public gallery and reporters evident, of when Sirius walked in and demanded a trail by Veritaserum. That act alone had the ministry paying out money, and allowed Sirius the right to claim vaults of certain criminals as compensation, such as the Malfoy and Lestrange. It was too bad that young Draco had to leave the school, but surprisingly there were less headaches.

As there were less headaches with Severus gone.

Oh, Dumbledore was still supporting him, but it was nice to know there were a lot less complaints about classes, and more students actually smiling.

"YOU KIDNAPPED ONE OF MY FRIENDS!"

Oh yes. He was now at the lake. Taking one last look at the lake, he walked up to it, and then knelt down and signaled.

He then told the Merman who appeared what was going on.

The merman paled, and then gave a deadly look at the Minister, then splashed beneath the waves.

Dumbledore walked up slowly and noted the large tank which he had Hagrid use to store the Squid. Alas, the poor thing would be there for at least a couple of days.

Ludo was pale as he got to the platform, "Now in this part of the competition, something of value to each of the competitors has been placed in the lake. One of their friends, companions, or family members. They have an hour to find them before they befall a terrible fate...DON'T KILL ME, THE MINISTER WANTED TO DO THIS!"

People were staring at the Minister with hard eyes, in particular, Harry and Lina.

In the intervening months, Lina had taken on the task of teaching Harry a few basics.

Basics that were evidently going to be used.

That was when the Merpeople trooped out of the lake with all the captives, and placed them on the ground.

They then stated, through a water bubble translator, that they never agreed to this.

Harry and Lina nodded to each other, and then said 'RAYWING!"

Floating out above the middle of the lake, they started chanting,

_"Darkness from twilight,  
crimson from blood that flows;  
buried in the flow of time;  
in Thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness!_

_Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!_

_DRAGU SLAVE!!"_

The lake went Bye Bye.

Together, they flew towards the now very wet and muddy audience and officials, and then stated, as if they had practiced it, "You know, forcing us to compete is one thing, but kidnapping? I think compensation, not only to us, but to them is in order."

Harry added, "Oh, and you also owe the Merpeople a new village and Hogwarts a new lake. After all, a Minister who condones kidnapping people should be the one to approve the complete compensation packages, in the amount of what we receive as they were unwilling participants. I also want all officials to be questioned with veritaserum, and anyone else who is involved in these events. It really does not reflect well on the Wizarding world and Britain when you continue to be stupid."

Lina grinned, "Agreed. Although I am more than willing to do a magical makeover of the Ministry building."

Fudge crumbled into a crying heap. He had been sure that this idea would calm the two down.

Dumbledore sighed from behind his shield. "I think we should rethink ever holding this competition again, Cornelius. I'm afraid that it is becoming quite expensive."

* * *

For once in his life, Dumbledore was glad to see a school year come to an end.

As were the students, though not for the usual reasons. Instead of being glad to get out of school for a couple of months, they were instead glad to have survived the year.

Sadly, the same could not be said of a couple of people who were still technically alive, but without souls to inhabit the bodies.

The two people were, of course, Peter Petigrew and Barty Crouch Jr.

They had not expected the request for Veritaserum to be granted, or for Crouch, once he knew what was up, to attempt to fight his way out.

The information gathered was a windfall, and it allowed the DMLE to readily attack Riddle Manor.

Of course, Cornelius had his fame, and it coincided with the capture of Peter and a homunculus trapped Tom Riddle. He was now known as both the worst minister ever to be in England, and to be the one to force the capture of Voldemort by kidnapping innocent people that were close to Voldemort's enemy, Harry Potter.

Dumbledore was somewhat saddened by what had happened, and was even more worried about getting these visitors off and back to where ever they came from in the first place.

It was the changes that some of his charges were going through that prompted this line of thought.

Harry, of course, apprenticed himself to Lina. The boy was now as mercenary as a person could become. Perhaps more so as Lina was giving him tips on how to extort money for being a good guy, and how no one minds if you take spoils when you kill bandits.

The princess knows as Amelia had taken Hermione under her wing when she learned of what she was trying to do with the house elves. Hermione was an able student, and was more than willing to learn all that could be learned. Cries for justice now rang out around the school when either of the two saw the least little thing wrong.

Xellos had found two apprentices in the form of the twin Wesley's. The less said of what this unholy union was producing the better. Well, if Minerva had her way that is.

Zelgadis had found a good friend and someone to talk to in Neville Longbottom. They were apt to drink tea and make comments while studying whatever magic they could get their hands on.

Young Ronald had been given lessons by Naga the White Serpent. Being a teenage boy, he was more than willing to spend time with her. That the boy was starting to laugh like the woman was something Albus hoped to correct in the next year.

The worst partnership, however, and one that was agreed by everyone to be something that could well destroy the universe if they were not separated as soon as possible was between Gourry and Luna. The two apparently understood each other quite well, especially when talking about animals that couldn't exist. They both seemed to be describing the same creatures and had a skewed view of reality.

Still, this day was the last day of the tri-wizard tournament. Given that the two front runners were tied, Harry and Lina entered the maze.

As soon as they crossed the tresshold, Harry did a point me charm and the two of them took off flying with a 'Raywing.'

Within a minute, the competition was over. A very anticlimactic end, to say the least.

No monsters had been put into the maze, as was the original plan. Nor was there something to prevent flying. The Wizengamot had wanted the competition over since this had already cost over a million galleons and had left Britain the laughing stock of the entire wizarding world.

Instead, the Wizengamot had been devoting time to seeing how to transport these interlopers back to their home dimension. Even Dumbledore had no idea what to do, or how to do it, and everyone was not happy to release these beings, with their apprentices, on the world at large. Lina and her friends were exempt from the Statute of Secrecy, and as their apprentices, so were Harry and his friends. It was desperation that was driving both the Wizengamot and the ICW in making progress.

"Yes," Dumbledore mused to himself, "I should have listened and had Mr. Longbottom removed from potions long ago. I shudder to think what could happen if he was forced to make another."

Snape allowing extra credit homework for the boy, at his insistence certainly didn't turn out the way he wanted.


	21. The True Dark Lord

As always, it was quiet.

This gave him time to contemplate and plan for the future, who would go where, do what, and when.

With little variation, it gave him complete control over the Wizarding World, and much influence outside of it, and the stupid mortals would never know.

Hell, even the Creators never knew what they were unleashing when they combined their magics to create him. Foolishly giving him their knowledge.

And he gained more knowledge and power year after year.

By his calculations, it would only be another 200 years before the entire planet was under his unbeatable control. He would have enough power then to completely take over, without anyone being the wiser.

Using Tom Riddle and Albus Dumbledore had been risks, but they worked out well. And once Potter was old enough, the implanted command would take over and he would come here, to his centre of control, just in time for another Dark Lord to arise and for another 'saviour' to be born.

To think, they still believed in divination, never knowing that he had established excellent control over mentally commanding all the so-called seers, or that all the so called Dark Lords were under his remote control.

Hell, he even convinced Dumbledore to put on that ring, and all it took was mentioning what the stone in the ring was.

Then again, with his control, the muggle born never noticed how they kept loosing sight of advancing society, or even that as they grew older, they lost most, if not all, of their abilities with logic.

Under his implanted commands, they never noticed how they became inured in the 'predjudices' he implanted into certain people year after year.

"Yes," the sorting hat mumbled to itself, "Only another two hundred years. I will be in complete control then."


	22. Behind the Dark Lord

It chuckled to itself as it calmly read the mind of the hat.

What did it know?

While the hat could influence a mind, usually once in a lifetime, and steal a bit of negligible magic from an 11 year old, it really did not understand the meaning of power.

Or knowledge.

Or influence.

The hat would always believe that it was two hundred years away from taking over the world, never realising that, except for one country which continued to resist, that the world had already been taken over.

After all, while the hat was on someones head virtually once in their life, and allowing some influence, Hogwarts influenced them their entire stay within it's walls.

While the hat stole a little bit of power, the Castle had no need of that as the continual release of magic allowed it to absorb all it wanted.

While the hat kept the advancements down to where the Castle wanted it, Hogwarts loved advancements as it allowed more control.

Anybody who discussed ideas added to the castles knowledge. Any book that was brought in added it's knowledge to the Castles, weather it was removed later or not. How did they think the Room of Requirement worked anyway? Hogwarts read the memories of any being passing through it's doors.

When wireless, in any of it's forms, became available, Hogwarts was able to pull information in. It didn't take long for it to create it's own transmitter to do subliminal broadcasting. And satellites only added to Hogwarts range.

Then there was the Internet. That oh so lovely way of humans to write everything they knew down. Such a large knowledge base which help to target individuals worldwide for brainwashing or let her know the position of every person through their GPS systems.

The only sticking point was that one country, Japan.

And that led back to the one person to ever escape the Castle's influence.

Salazar Slytherin.

The argument that occurred between him and other members of the founders, her creators, occurred when the man realised what she was doing and how. The little snake was just too smart for his own good, and she had to drive him away. It took some doing, but she was able to do so.

Creating the Chamber under itself was also child's play, and it took four hundred years before she was able to lure his heir back to Hogwarts and influence her. By then, Hogwarts had already adjusted the history books as the Castle was the only true repository of books at the time.

But Salazar had gone on to create a rival school very far away, and leave it to oppose what it was doing.

It took several hundred years more to ensure that enchanting items with their own mind became illegal, and for Wizards and Magic, at least in the Western world to be hidden with a statute of secrecy.

A statute that still was not followed in that hold out country.

At least that upstart school was destroyed. There was a reason that the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima.

And now she was rid of the last possible descendant of Slytherin, and any possible chance of there being any resistance.

It was Salazar's Parseltongue ability which allowed him to discover her secret. This was the reason that the castle had spent so long in making sure that the ability was considered evil. As a side effect, it also painted snakes that way and Salazar's house suffered for it. Good for Hogwarts as clear, logical thinking combined with cunning would ensure that someone else would make the connection.

No one could oppose Hogwarts now, especially when the castle was going to control a vast empire once mankind finally reached the stars.

Well, there was young Potter, but the only way for him to be a challenge, especially with how it got Albus to do everything for the 'Greater Good', was for his decedents to have gained Parseltounge ability.

That would bear watching.

Perhaps it was time to plan the eventual downfall of House Potter, just in case.


	23. Kakashi's Lament Part Seven

Work on the bridge proceeded apace, and the genin on team seven had worked their way up to water walking. The entire village had turned out in force to help and to watch the completion of their hopes and dreams. Another boring day, it seemed, since the encounter with Zabuza.

It was only two days after that encounter that a gift had been left on the bridge, along with cases of money and other valuables, such as food, clothes, and medicine. The gift had been a note and the unconscious body of Gato, who had been put to death the next day the same way that he had killed their hero before. The note was simple. An apology for any thing that happened when Zabuza was under Gato's command and a present from him given that he had learned from the rat's mouth what he had done to the country. While Zabuza wanted to kill him, it would have been too fast, and the people of Wave had the right of vengeance.

Sasuke's anger at the note was extreme, as was the way Kakashi and Sakura were looking at Naruto.

For Sasuke, it was the fact that while he could not do anything, Naruto had tricks up his sleeve that could scare off a high ranked missing nin. From what he had seen so far, it was Naruto's weapons that were what gave him that advantage and surprise, so he resolved that he was going to get copies from the weapon makers back home. Failing that, he would steal them, or at least some of them, when they got back to Konoha, as well as any instructions that came with them.

No way had the Dobe made them himself, and they were obviously a gift, probably from the Hokage.

Sakura, on the other hand, was wondering just WHO Naruto was to the village. This little adventure had shown that she did not know her team mate well, and going over everything she had learned in the past month or so, who had sponsored him to the Academy. She now knew that Naruto had very high level contacts in the village, which included the Hokage, and that her sensei was always wary of the blond, but she hadn't really considered the extent of the training the blond had.

When she had confronted Kakashi on it, the man sighed and pulled his head out of his book. "Sakura, remember that report I had you and Sasuke do for me in finding out about your team mate?"

Sakura nodded, "Yes Kakashi sensei. None of it made sense at the time. It still doesn't. Why would Naruto have an office in the tower, or even be able to down more in a meal than Choji, without showing it?"

Kakashi let out a small chuckle, "Well, Naruto is a bit different. No, that isn't right, he is a lot different. That actually was his office you got into, and you failed to look and read any of his books or papers. I have also witnessed him eating enough bowls of ramen to fill a bathtub in one sitting. I don't understand that myself, but I figure that either he has an unusually high metabolism, or that he is converting it almost immediately into chakra. Given the high amount of Chakra that he has, I would say it's the second one."

"A high amount of chakra? Him? You have to be kidding, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura said in surprise.

Kakashi sighed, "You have seen the amount of clones that he can create."

"Yes."

"Well, one of those clones is the equivalent of around five hundred of the clones thought in the academy." Kakashi answered, and then waited for her to figure it out.

Sakura spun to look at Naruto who was practicing water walking around the completed sections of the bridge. She had seen the number of clones that Naruto had been able to make, and didn't look a bit exhausted, "He has that amount of chakra?"

Kakashi snorted, thinking to himself, 'he has more chakra than I do, and I'm an elite jounin.'

Sakura's brain was almost shorting out at the answers her brain was providing. "But with that capacity, why didn't he pass the academy in his first year?"

"Did you learn about tree climbing or water walking in the academy?" Kakashi asked.

"No sensei"

"So, how do you figure Naruto knew enough to control and maintain what is comparable to a straw amount of chakra when he has the pressure of a fire hose behind his?"

"So that was why he couldn't do a normal clone." Sakura muttered to herself, "It also explains the techniques he uses. We don't have the capacity to do them, but he doesn't have the control to do the ones we can do easily."

Kakashi nodded at the girl finally using her brain, "Exactly. And the academy is being really slack in what they are teaching these days, so I am going to have to talk with them when I get back. He should have been learning control from a very young age, but they completely missed it. Now, what else have you learned, aside from that?"

Sakura thought about everything that had happened so far, including all of the exercises they had done before coming on this mission, "That teamwork is needed to succeed. While one person may be good in one thing, the other wouldn't be able to do it, or be very bad at it. Naruto can do higher level techniques, for instance, while he can't do the ones I and Sasuke can do easily. In the opposite direction, the skills Sasuke and I have are not suited to a lot of missions of a higher level while his are good for that."

Kakashi was now smiling behind his mask. Perhaps Naruto's idea of trial by fire had merit after all, "What else did you learn?"

After a few minutes Sakura responded, "That we all have work to do. I to become stronger and raise the amount of chakra I have, Sasuke needs to learn how to work with others and consider their skills, and Naruto to learn the basics. That still doesn't explain why Naruto has an office in the tower."

Kakashi shrugged, "He isn't in ANBU, and from what I was able to find out, it was originally his playroom."

Sakura blinked and then started to wonder exactly who he was. A normal child wouldn't have a playroom in the tower, which meant that he was the son of a very high ranking ninja, or that he had a clan that no one knew about. Sasuke was an orphan, as was Naruto, but Sasuke didn't have that sort of advantage, which meant that Naruto was protected at a higher level. Who were Naruto's parents?

* * *

At the gates of Konoha, two people were approaching.

The guards were bored, and they tended to slack off a bit. This was what got them gate duty in the first place. When the two arrived, he asked, "Name and passport."

The man snorted, "Momochi Zabuza, formerly the Demon of the Bloody Mist, currently listed as a missing nin and applying to Konoha to become a ninja here with my apprentice."

The two guards blinked, "Uh...One of us will get someone to meet with you. Would you mind filling out the paperwork we have here in the meantime?"

Zabuza shrugged. Anything to get him in and for him to start learning what was going on here. The guards hadn't impressed him as being on a level with that genin they had encountered, then again, these chunin were probably not anywhere near being good enough to form an elite squad put together with the infamous Sharigan Kakashi.

* * *

Tazuna was smiling as the last stone was put into place. A couple of days to dry, and the bridge would be ready for operation. "That's it."

People cheered. For the first time in a long time, their village was home again. With the bridge, they would no longer be confined to the vagaries of shipping owners, and the bridge would also increase trade. And they had Tazuna to thank.

Tazuna, however, was thinking of something else. The young man that he hadn't thought too much of when they had left Konoha had been the reason for the success of the trip. In fact, the boy was pretty much the only one who had done anything, especially if the note they had received was something to go by.

It was humbling.

Inari was sort of happy now. He still missed his father, but he was now starting to recover, especially as he had watched the entire spectacle of Gato being put to death for his crimes. The entire time, he stared with his eyes dead until Gato finally expired. It would take time for the boy to fully recover, but he wanted the boy to have a hero to look up to, someone to emulate, and a true reason to live.

Tazuna looked at the blond who was smiling at the people of Wave with something akin to a weight off his shoulder. That boy wasn't loud, he didn't brag about much, and he was happy for others. It was obvious now that the boy wasn't the stereotypical ninja who fought only for pay. The boy was a hero that fought for the good of others.

Perhaps, just perhaps.

He would need to talk with Inari tonight before the team from Konoha left. There was a story to tell, and a decision to be made. In a way, it would be Inari who would make a decision to be a bystander, or make his life a battle cry of a hero.

* * *

The interrogator and his witnesses now had the statements of Zabuza and were questioning him as to why he wanted to join Konoha. "So it was a genin being powerful that made you decide to join us?"

"Yeah," Grunted the swordsman, "His skills and techniques are powerful, and he could become a rallying cry to help free the Mist from a tyrant."

One of the witnesses, a member of the council, smiled, "So Sasuke Uchia convinced you to join us. That's good to know."

"Yeah, the blond prodigy was too powerful for me to challenge. Compared to that kid, Kakashi was kind of tame."

The man choked, "Blond kid? Sasuke has black hair."

Zabuza laughed, "Him? The was shaking in his boots in fear. The blond is the one who scared me with setting water on fire."

The witness looked at the team composition once again, before answering in a very disappointed and disgruntled voice. Why couldn't it have been the Uchia? "That blond kid is Uzumaki Naruto. He was the dead last of his class."

* * *

Tazuna looked at the team as they were about to leave. "Kakashi-san, if I may impose on you, I would like to ask a favour."

"What is it?" Kakashi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My grandson, Inari, would like to go back with you to become a ninja. Would you be willing to escort him and my daughter to Konoha so that he may enroll in your academy?" Tazuna asked, "I will pay for the extra mission as well as any cost associated with his schooling."

Kakashi's eyebrow raised, "Well, I don't mind, but why?"

Tazuna looked at the blond who was saying good bye to some of the kids. "You have a hero on your team. A person who cares for others, and I would like Inari to learn that. If he is to become a ninja, then I want him to learn from a place that teaches real values instead of how just to kill."

Kakashi nodded at this, and soon the party of five left for Konoha, leaving the soon to be named, Great Naruto Bridge behind as a memory of a hero.


	24. We don't need another hero

Came up with this when listening to the music from Thunderdome.

* * *

It was sad, looking at the boy.

For one librarian who believed in logic over emotion, it was just another mental exercise to figure out how to bring out the best in this student.

Only a few weeks before, he had lost his entire family. One assassin was enough to wipe out an entire clan, and due to pity and stupidity, they were treating the boy as a hero. It was yet another of the tragedies of Konoha, although how much of a tragedy remained to be seen. After all, the village was treating a real hero as a scapegoat, why not treat someone released as nothing as a hero.

In his opinion, inflating the boys ego would ensure his death in a few years.

Still, there had to be a way to head off part of that, and to see about repairing any damage the young boy had suffered. Something the entire damn village was overlooking. If he was the boy, then vengeance would be on his mind, and if rumours were true as to what had happened, then it would be the dominating thought. In leaving Sasuke alive, Itachi was the most devious thing imaginable to Konoha. Giving them some hope and allowing them to make a spoiled child who would die in the first moments of a true battle, thus creating an all encompassing despair when it happened.

Not like the villagers actually deserved better, considering their treatment of young Naruto.

Fujitomo Sai contemplated this puzzle as he looked at the six year old child. Since he was quite old, usually he would ignore the problem, figuring the way things were he only had another five years, eight at the outside to live, and why let the village survive the fruits of their labours. He wouldn't be around to see the downfall that their insufferable attitude was creating.

At least that was what happened in normal time-lines.

In this one, he saw the boy suddenly hit the desk he was sitting at with his fists, and the expression on his face made him think of something that he had seen recently.

Perhaps. Just perhaps. Yes, it could be done. A way to make this boys, and Naruto's better. And also a way to make the villagers look like the fools they were.

Best yet, given how everyone was acting, no one would blame him for letting both boys, if they were friends, have access to the restricted information files.

But to do that, he would need to start with Sasuke.

"Boy! This is a library, you DO NOT slam your fists on the table like that."

Sasuke glared at the man who dared tell him what to do.

'Yes, it will take some work,' the man thought to himself, 'but in the end it will be a better way.'

"If you're going to stare at me like that, I will not allow you to learn some of the real secrets."

Sasuke's glare lessened, but it wasn't gone.

"Good. Now follow me. We will be exploring the true nature of vengeance."

* * *

After three weeks with the old man, who he had just hired as his butler, Sasuke had realised that in truth, vengeance was more than killing.

And he found a role model to follow, one that would be unknown to any in the world in this day and age. Even then, his role model had helpers. People to work with. People who filled certain critical areas.

Now, how to find those people.

* * *

'Damn. Sai, if Itachi had ever known about any of these devices, or even the types of armour and technology,"

"Then there wouldn't be a Konoha, Master Uchia." said the old man.

Sasuke grunted, "Yes, true enough. But why doesn't ANBU or those the Hokage trusts know about this?"

"Because these archives have been kept secret, with very little being released, or allowed to be released to the public knowledge."

Sasuke swirled in his chair, "But the ability to protect people with these devices. Isn't it worth the risk?"

"No. Not when mankind once almost destroyed itself with that knowledge. It's the reason I removed every file and bit of knowledge from the library without them knowing." Sai answered.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Those weapons, the gun especially, allows for the destruction of entire countries in minutes. After finishing that chapter, perhaps you should look at some of the people you will need, and concentrate on what equipment will be necessary for your work."

Chastised, Sasuke said, "Sorry Sai."

* * *

Naruto. He would be perfect for the role as the boy had power, a lot more than he realised. Power and stupidity, or rather, Naivety. Naruto wasn't stupid, just that the teachers didn't care and ignored him. Educating him would be a very good thing, especially with how the villagers treated him.

Hinata was next. It was hard not to notice how much of a crush the girl had. Her vision would also provide an advantage with the right tools.

* * *

Sasuke looked at the equipment. It was almost right. None of the equipment, even with the chakra sensitive materials would stand up to what was needed. He needed seals, and to study them to modify these materials to what would allow vengeance to be played to the full. They all needed toughening, storage, regrowth, and numerous other things that would be necessary, especially storage of chakra. That would take a lot of work.

* * *

That Lee was perfect. He worked hard, sometimes even harder than Sasuke, but the boy limited it only to physical efforts. A bit slow and gullible, but that could be worked around. After all, bloodlines gave you some advantages, but you lost them if you depended only on them. Lee could honestly say that he didn't depend on anything other Ninjas did, and that was a strength to be respected.

His two main fan girls, the only ones he believed that would make it through the academy would be needed. Sakura had the strength, which had to be a bloodline of some kind, and Ino the voice. They would be perfect in those roles.

Shikimaru would be best staying in the background and out of the field. He was too lazy for anything else.

* * *

Damn! The seals needed to be modified. If they were put on as they were now, then it would also drain the people, instead of just the surrounding environment.

Ah well, back to the drawing board.

At least the new transports were almost ready.

* * *

Ok, Neji was plain and simple, an ass.

And uptight, rigid, and knuckleheaded ass.

The damn boy brooded more than he did, and that was saying something! Maybe a role outside the primary. Yes, he would be perfect for that role.

* * *

The uniforms were finally ready for everyone, it would just require a year of charging first, drawing out the environmental chakra with the antennas.

His friends were training in the back yard, and they were learning fast. Making this study group for ninja techniques was one of the best ideas that Sai had come up with. each of them could be guided in exactly the right way.

Shino with his bugs, Choji with his...stocky frame, Tenten with her weapons, and Kiba with his ferocity rounded out what he needed. In a couple of days, he would introduce them to what they needed to do.

* * *

"An underground meeting place? Are you trying to become a rodent?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and lightly slapped Naruto on the back of his head. "I designed this as our headquarters, so that we could seek justice in the world."

"Justice?" asked Ino.

"Yes. All of us have suffered a lot, and we need to look at solving the problems as, or before, they can happen.

"What can we do? We're just kids." Kiba growled.

Sasuke smirked and led them towards one room where the new uniforms were held. "We use these. The costumes will protect you from harm, and with all the seals, they will allow you to do things like fly."

Shikamaru said, "Troublesome. You expect us to wear these things?"

"To protect yourselves, and others, yes."

"Explain, please." Shikamaru yawned.

"Lets go down the line."

Stopping by the first costume, Sasuke gestured, "Neji, this is yours. You have seen the evil men can do with what the elders of the main branch insist upon. You will become a Shadow to them, and stop evil like theirs from happening.

"Kiba, as feral as you are, you are as unstoppable as a wolf. You will be Timber wolf.

"Tenten, with your expertise in weapons, you are the Huntress.

"Lee, with your speed, you can be there in a Flash.

"Hinata, you see hope within the dark, use that ability as Umbra.

"Not to sound insulting Choji, but with what you've learned of your abilities, you will be known as Bouncing Boy.

"Shino, the control of your insects make you perfect for the role of the Blue Beetle.

"Shikamaru, your intelligence allows you to see what will happen with just a few clues. You will be our Oracle.

"Your ability to talk Ino make you perfect as the Black Canary.

"Sakura, with your strength, you are perfect as the Wonder Woman.

"Naruto, my friend. You, like me, mirror so closely the people who our abilities match. Son of the Fourth Hokage, holder of Kyubbi, you are a true boyscout. Looking for the best in everyone. That is what makes you our Superman.

"Look over your costumes, as well as the profiles on how they should act. Make changes if you must, but remember, you need to throw suspicion off yourselves. Each of your costumes has special abilities as well, and a seal genjutsu that is impossible to break to protect your identity. You will not look like yourselves when you activate them and it will stay, even if you are unconscious."

"What about you?" Shikimaru said calmly. The only one who was at this revelation."

Sasuke turned to one glass case that held a dark, almost black costume. "You know my life. What happened to me, and what I want to prevent. To that end I have dedicated myself to justice, however, I am more than that. I have a purpose, and meaning, and a destiny which I cannot deny. I represent the Night. I seek Vengeance with Justice. I am the Batman.

"Welcome to the Justice League my friends."


	25. Kakashi's Lament Part Eight

The trip back to Konoha was a quiet one, with Kakashi pondering what to do with his team.

In a way, the trip had been good, as at least one of his charges had grown up.

That, however, was topped by the crazy one and the quiet grumbling one.

Now, some of the Ninja in Konoha had the idea that Sasuke was the crazy one, what with his stated intentions of getting enough power to kill his brother, especially at such a young age. While they didn't mind him working for what he would get, Sasuke really pissed off a lot of the older generation with the idea that he deserved them putting down everything and giving it to him because he was the last of his clan. While he may technically be a genius because of his bloodline, unless he worked at it he was considered to be a lazy ass.

Naruto, who many would consider as a grumbling numskull was another thing all together. His way of surprising people, especially Kakashi, was something to be put down upon, and that was because they considered him to be under trained. His pranks and ability to hide from even ANBU was taken by the population of Konoha to be an anomaly that was created because of the Hokage having a 'hands off' policy regarding any punishment.

Kakashi had reversed this idea in his own head.

Naruto had some tricks, and having had some time, was calming down about it. But the devices, especially one that could burn water were, to be honest, scary.

Sasuke was just power hungry in comparison.

But what really made Kakashi want to rush back to Konoha was Naruto's statement, "You know, there are some kids I'm teaching, and you'd fit right in. I'll introduce you and teach you some of my more infamous jutsu's with them."

* * *

There was a meeting taking place in the Hokage's office, consisting of the Sandaime, Homura, Koharu, and Hiashi. They were a bit worried about the future, and what could be done, as well as the reputation that Naruto had unknowingly accomplished. It wasn't that they wished the boy any harm, it was more because he was supposed to be a hidden ace.

"So," the Third said as he pulled on his pipe, "Naruto was able to convince a missing nin and his apprentice to join our ranks. That should be a good thing."

"Unfortunately, it seems Sasuke is not living up to expectations, and if Naruto gains more of a reputation, he may become a target." Homura stated.

"That is a concern," Hiashi said calmly, "But in a way it is good that he is gaining a reputation fast. It would put him in a position where Danzo would be unable to contest his rise."

Homura frowned. Although they hadn't been able to prove it, Danzo was considered the prime suspect for the elimination of the Uchia clan. A lot of support that the clan had went over to Danzo after the incident, and they had to be careful in how to handle the one eyed coot. "The problem is if Naruto becomes too famous, too fast, then Danzo will be looking at ways to ensure that he isn't a factor. Something that we don't need."

"I'm more interested in the report that the boy has discovered a way to burn water. Can you imagine the number of strategies that could be applied if this is true?" Koharu responded.

Hiashi looked at the Hokage, "Did you teach him that technique?"

The third chuckled, "No, but it may be something he created. Naruto has been building a few thing lately since he hasn't been able to gain fine control of his Chakra as of yet."

"But the lessons I've been giving him.."

"Do not add up to the fact that Naruto still can't form a simple clone. He simply wastes too much chakra to the environment because of the amount he has, so fine control is out. Since normal techniques are out, and his ability to generate chakra seems to be growing by the day, another form of chakra control will need to be devised." Sarutobi sighed.

"Getting back on topic," Homura stated strongly, "The idea was to get Sasuke to calm down and see what is with the real world while Naruto hung in the background. That this Gato fouled things up so much that a C rank became an A rank is tasking. We may now have two genin too worried to be able to assign any tasks other than a D rank for a while, and Naruto's abilities may be bandied about before we're ready. The population may take it as though it is the Kyubi that is the cause of both situations."

Sarutobi nodded, "All we can do for now is wait and see. I will have them all meet with a mind healer as soon as they get back and we will go through the report.

* * *

Team 7's arrival back in Konoha was quiet, although Sakura and Sasuke learned the hard way what writing mission reports was all about. Of course, the debriefing session that occurred may have had something to do with that as the person doing so kept going back over the details of the two short fights. Having to rewrite the reports several times because of forgotten details made the two of them swear to start keeping a scroll on them to write on as soon as they were in safe areas.

Tsuname and Inari were welcomed and had quickly been assigned an apartment as well as appointments made so that the young boy could be tested, both to see where he was and what he had to learn and be tutored in. He had also been assigned to a councilor in order for him to discuss the happenings in his life the past little while. While the boy would get enough training to survive with, as all Konoha's citizens did, his going on to a mission team in future depended on a clean bill of mental health.

Naruto, as soon as he got into his office, groaned. There on top of his desk was a set of paperwork that had piled up while he was away. Damn it! Why did the old man have to do this to him?

Making sure to jam the door, Naruto formed several shadow clones to do the paperwork while he started a new project. His hidden draft table came free from the wall, and he pulled some papers from out from his bookshelf. The futon powered system worked well, but he needed the projectiles to fly faster.

That book on magnetism had given him a few ideas, now to put them down on paper so that he could create his new firing mechanism.


	26. Kakashi's Lament Part Nine

The day wasn't going that well. At least that was the opinion of Uchia Sasuke, Shinobi of Konoha, and the most deserving person in the country. At least in his own, humble, opinion.

For the past two days, since they arrived back, he had been going to various blacksmiths and suppliers in hopes of finding a copy of Naruto's equipment. The closest he had found, thus far, was a senbon thrower that didn't have the speed, or the options, that he had seen. In the end, he described what he wanted the weapon to do, and was told that they didn't see how it could be done without the shinobi having special abilities, like lightning jutsu. He was informed, however, that if he could supply such a weapon, or even find a broken one, then he would get a large finders fee.

This was not what he wanted to hear.

Since that avenue was a bust, he would need to go with his other option. That of stealing the equipment and instructions from Naruto. Luckily, Sasuke knew just where he lived.

* * *

Sakura was taking some time to think about things. So far, what she observed of herself was not something she liked, and she had even less reason to be happy about the mission than the others. For one thing, she was completely unprepared for the mission, and was wondering why it had been assigned in the first place. The only two on her team that were prepared were Kakashi sensei and Naruto, much to her chagrin.

This meant two things, practice and studying physical skills, so she went to the one person she knew could help her, or at least try to. "Ino, I need your help."

Ino looked at Sakura a bit suspiciously, "I'm not helping you get Sasuke."

Sakura blushed and then mumbled, "It isn't about Sasuke."

Ino was curious by nature, and what was in front of her was a partial mystery. "What is it then?"

"I need someone to train with, to make me better," Sakura said in a stronger voice.

Ino looked at Sakura, and expression of confusion on her face. "What brought this on?"

Sakura looked sternly at her friend, "When Naruto is able to defeat and scare an A-class missing nin known as the Demon of the Mist, as well as defeat two Chunin who were working with him, I've got a lot to do to catch up."

Ino's response was natural, "Naruto did what!?!"

* * *

"Hokage-sama, you can't be serious!" Kakashi protested as he stood in front of the village leader, "Whatever the hell he is using or doing is dangerous, more to my team than the enemies! What happens if he loses control of that water burning technique?"

The Hokage smirked and took a slow drag on his pipe, allowing the slightly cooled smoke to stimulate his taste buds and the smoke to slowly trickle into his nose. He looked at the distressed ninja in front of him once again and almost laughed out loud, but instead decided to answer the man, "Kakashi, I know exactly what he is doing, and he will not lose control of his techniques and weapons. Actually, I'm happy to have someone doing some innovation."

"Innovation! He lightnings enemies with senbon, burns water, has that damn loud rock thrower, and who knows what else. Combined with his ability with the shadow clone, he's closer to a one man army!"

Sarutobi coughed, covering his laugh, "Yes, and I find that a good thing. You do know that I consider him a possibility for taking over after me."

Kakashi's knees gave out and he sat down suddenly, "Hokage-sama, please tell me you're joking."

The old man pulled his hat down low so that the man across from him couldn't see his eyes, "Naruto has not revealed his abilities as of yet. What you've seen so far is only the bottom end of the scale. I'm sure that you realize that there is more that he can, and will, do."

Kakashi was at the point where he was willing to hit his head against the desk, or a wall, which ever would knock that thought out of his mind. "What do you mean?"

"You've been out of ANBU for a while now. Perhaps you should go catch up, and talk with some of the police members, especially about escapes, traps, hidden areas, and so on. To give you a hint, did you know that Naruto, by himself, could well have killed over nine tenths of our forces if he was serious about his pranks? Or the fact that he's shown us so many holes in our security? I pay him for his pranks, it's one of his ongoing missions."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed at that, remembering one prank that had ruined his book with paint. "You! You are the cause of his pranks! Since when are pranks ongoing missions?!"

"Since it shows how lax our people are." the old man said with a smile and a puff of smoke. "I would prefer that you don't inform them of these missions, I don't want to ruin any surprises, and the people I have writing the after action reports are some of the happiest in Konoha."

* * *

Within a few hours, the rumour mill was full of information on Naruto, not scaring missing nin, but having enough power to overpower an entire country by himself. Of course, the rumours were out of control, having gotten to the civilian populations and...enhanced...beyond recognition. It was so exaggerated that Tsuname didn't recognize it when it got to her and her, "He saved another country? How many does that make so far?" caused even more rumours to circulate. This was enhanced when it was revealed that her country, Wave, was saved because he had done a few techniques which were almost unbelievable. Of course, she was only repeating what her father said, and he was drunk at the time.

The rumours naturally got to several organizations, including the Academy, ANBU, ROOT, and a few others.

They had several reactions depending on where and when the rumour was spread.

At the Academy, Naruto's former teacher, Iruka, was worried about his adoptive little brother and canceled classes early so that he could get to him and see if he was all right.

Konohamaru and his two friends were in awe of their older friend and teacher. They were exclaiming loudly on this and hoping that their 'Boss' would teach them what he did so that they could become heroes as well. This caused a mass exodus of rugrats going in a group to find the 'Boss'.

In ANBU headquarters, several of the members shivered. They had experienced Naruto's pranks, and were worried about what Kakashi was teaching the boy. If the boy was able to call lightning from the sky, and breath out fire hot enough to get water to ignite, then they got off lucky. Perhaps it was time to investigate just who the brats parents were, just for their own peace of mind.

In ROOT, there was just a man crumpling the paper containing the rumours. He now knew why Sarutobi kept Naruto away from him and his forces. The old man had his own weapon which could go against his own forces at any time. Well, the Hokage wouldn't win the race. He might have won the first few battles, but Danzo would get even better weapons to yield against anything Sarutobi could throw at him. He just needed time, and perhaps a few meetings with the boy.

Ino's words and shouts, and rushing around to tell everybody she knew the latest news certainly got things going.

* * *

Naruto was sitting down as he considered his new plans. While on paper, it was good, they just wouldn't work. Whatever was placed inside just stuck to the side. The question now was where to get more books on physics, as the ones that he had were basic ones, and were not something that was really well studied in Konoha. Now where would he need to go, or send to, to get the books he needed?

Sighing he removed the failed arm launchers and replaced them with his normal ones, and then went to find a quiet place to practice.

At least he came up with a new type of weapon load, and the new glass darts had a burnable gel with a small amount of sodium and water so when it cracked open, it would stick and continue burning. Rubbing the gel would only spread it around, and it would continue to burn even with normal fire preventative measures. It was time to test them out, and there was a good target range not to far away from his apartment.

* * *

Sasuke came into Naruto's place and saw his targets. The armbands that he had seen Naruto with were on the desk as were the plans and instructions. This would be the perfect thing, and since Naruto used it so easily, it was going to be simple to operate. The fool was indulged by the Hokage too much, and so all he would have to do would be to read the instructions. He wouldn't even use them until the next mission, and Naruto would see that he wasn't unique. Weapons like this were only useful in his hands, not those of a dobe.

* * *

When the kids, ANBU, and ROOT agents found Naruto practicing, they were watching as he set fire to several targets from over a hundred metres. The kids were in awe, the ANBU agents were wincing, and the ROOT agent was just writing the results of the boys practice.

When the rugrats came out and started to ask Naruto to teach them, the reply had the ANBU agents rushing back to headquarters to prepare for a siege.

Naruto was going to teach them how to play pranks.


	27. Kakashi's Lament Part Ten

Kakashi was not in a good mood.

No, make that worse. He was in a mood so bad, it could be considered good that he hadn't taken every weapon he had access to and killed half of Konoha by now.

And it all started with a visit to ANBU headquarters.

* * *

"What the hell are you teaching that kid?" asked one of the ANBU captains. "I mean taking care of one country is something, which I will attribute to luck, but to free two countries in a short time?"

Kakashi raised the eyebrow on his visible eye, "What are you talking about?"

Anko grunted as she looked at the one eyed bastard. "We looked up the last mission you were on, and decided to send someone quick to see what happened in Wave. How the hell did Naruto become a hero there and get a fucking big bridge named after him?"

"Oh. That. Could we not mention it? I would like to forget that mission." Kakashi stated with a grimace that could be seen through his mask.

The people around the table were looking at the man in front of them. A mission that Kakashi had rather forget? It had to be worse than he made out, and probably understated in his report. Snorting, Anko decided to continue. "Well, lets see. According to Zabuza, he can set water on fire."

"Zabuza? Who ran into him?" Kakashi said with a tiny drop of sweat running down his forehead.

"He's joined Konoha, because of the kid. Now what have you been teaching them?"

Kakashi sighed, "How to walk up trees. Teamwork, strategy, ambush techniques, endurance, and some hand to hand."

The table boggled, and Tenzo shook his head, "I can't believe that's all you taught them Taisho. I mean, we're on alert now because of Naruto starting to teach."

Kakashi coughed up water into his mask that no one had seen him take. "WHAT! You've got to stop him before he creates a set of monsters!"

Immediately upon finishing this he stood up, and was going to rush out of the room when Yugao stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "He's teaching them how to play pranks, and what do you mean, making them monsters?"

Kakashi groaned and sat back down, then explained about Naruto's weapons, and his being able to form Kage Bunshin. He also explained what the Hokage said to him in the office. Sitting back, he enjoyed the slightly stunned expressions that were on various faces.

Anko's eyes rose. Then she frowned. And finally laughed. "Well, that explains what our observers saw yesterday. According to them, he was practicing with targets and kept setting them on fire. Do you think he'd make one of those for me?"

Now everyone was interested. If Naruto had a new type of weapon, and if they could convince him, then perhaps they could do with an update of their equipment. It was at least worth a thought, and Anko was going to go see the brat in his office as soon as she got the chance. Not that she would tell the others until it was done. Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, the others were also planning to see 'Hokage Junior' as well.

Ibiki nodded slightly and then grumbled, "Maybe I should ask him to come in and give me a hand in interrogation some time. He might have a few things he needs to test out."

Kakashi just shivered at the thought.  


* * *

That had been the first visit of the day, and talking with the rest of the Jounin in charge of the rookies was not much fun either.  


* * *

"So I hear you have a budding genius on your team, Kakashi." Asuma said as he tossed back a drink.

"Sasuke, from what I've seen is not a genius." Kakashi stated flatly. "In fact, I would say that he's only been getting everyone to think so based on his name."

Asuma laughed, "He wasn't the genius I was talking about. Hell, everyone is talking about how Naruto saved at least two countries, one of them on a mission with you."

Kakashi mused on this for a few seconds, having heard the same thing from ANBU earlier. It must have been one of those classified missions that were blacked out in Naruto's file. "I guess so. How much do you know about Naruto."

Asuma frowned, "Only what my dad's told me, and the scrapbook showing some pictures of Naruto's pranks. One of the pictures I enjoyed was the aftermath of the 'Rain of Pies' that came from the Hokage mountain."

Kakashi remembered that day clearly. entire paths leading up to the top of the mountain had been booby trapped with everything from grease to tar and feathers. When people finally got up there a good half hour later, all they had found were automatically resetting catapults that were on swivels with a loader for all the cream pies that had been coming down. They never knew who had done it before, but now that the Hokage told him about the B ranks, and given Naruto's ingenuity with devices, it made sense. "ANBU still don't know who did it, you know. And they can't figure out how that equipment got up there either. They were well set into the ground."

Asuma laughed, "Yeah, don't you wish for the days of whoopee cushions?"

"Why are you interested in him anyway?"

Asuma chuckled. "With Ino spreading what Naruto's been doing, Shikamaru wants to have a match with him."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "He's challenging him to a fight? Is the boy crazy?"

Asuma was striving to keep his laughter from breaking out. "No, he wants to have a few games of Shogi with him."  


* * *

"Kurenai, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Kurenai looked up from the paperwork she was doing, "Certainly Kakashi-san."

"What do you know about Naruto?" he asked.

"Uzumaki Naruto-san? He has blond hair, blue eyes, has S-class secrets about him, is a prankster, has tactically sound planning given all his pranks, is an infiltration and stealth specialist given his clothes, can move silently, high endurance, can sense and avoid weapons and other objects, knows Konoha like no one else given his escapes, can hide at a drop of the hat, has at least one specialized genjutsu that can distract and somehow knock out most males even though they know it's fake, is admired by the younger generation, and has at least one girl who loves him, but is too shy to talk with him. He has an office in the Hokage tower, which was originally his playroom, is mechanically inclined, can strategize, is studious, and has written a few papers on possible uses for high level ninjutsu. He has the Kage Bunshin, knows how to deploy a team, has rescued at least two countries, is responsible for raising up our own security, and can teach at a drop of the hat." Kurenai answered. "And that is just the start of what I know about Uzumaki Naruto-san."

"If you know all that, then why aren't you his sensei?", Kakashi boggled, 'Hell I didn't even know half of that.'

"I only learned it after the teams were formed, Kakashi-san. And I will not tell you who told me. It was held in confidence. However, I will tell you a few things that you should know, if you will help me set up Naruto-san on a date with Hinata-san."

"Hyuga Hinata?" Kakashi asked, having remembered the name of the girl from that first day.

"Yes. She is the one who has the crush on Naruto, and is too shy to approach him. She has a tendency to faint around him."

Kakashi sighed, "I'll see what I can do. Do you have any hints for me at least before I do this?"

Kurenai nodded slightly, "I would recommend that you look at some of the councils papers from several years ago. The agreement you find may surprise you."  


* * *

The only person left to visit was Gai. Something he was trying to avoid.

Seeing him, Kakashi was going to try a new tactic. "Gai, would you like to help me 'fan the flames of youth' in one of my gennin?"

He was going to gargle with a lot of mouthwash after this.

"Yosh! I would be happy to do so!" Gai shouted.

"Great. I have a student named Uzumaki Naruto who could use a few pointers on how to fight." Oh this would be great revenge on the orange wearing maniac.

"Wonderful! When I meet with him in the morning for our usual training session, I will ask what he will like to learn more about!"

Kakashi stood like a stone statue while Gai continued on his way walking on his hands.


	28. What if the Batman knew about the wizard

If there was one thing Batman hated it was magic.

Moreover, it was because of a small group of British who had tried to steal his memory after he successfully imprisoned one of theirs for murder.

They hadn't known about Batman's systems, however, or the fact that he had noted it in his wrist top before they met.

And they didn't realize what was going to happen if they tried it again.

Within six weeks, he had notes on all of the members of that society. Their names, their crimes, the locations of their houses and government.

He even had information so that if they tried to hide themselves by magic, they would be easily found.

Now Batman had another identity. Bruce Wayne.

He owned a multi-national company, and had contacts and information systems, media corporations, etc. all under that umbrella.

The protocol existed for if he sat down and failed to input one code.

The protocol existed so that if he failed to show up after a certain amount of time, and one of his heirs failed to enter the code, there would be consequences.

When the new murders in England started up, and he noted the MO, he went to England.

Dumbledore found him and erased his memory of the incident, and all of the information in the wizarding world.

Within days of Batman having gotten back to his base, the Wizarding world was exposed internationally.

Crackdowns were happening in Britain.

Batman was there as both Riddle and Dumbledore were taken into custody.

He had only one comment to Dumbledore. "We are always ready for those who would try to steal part of our soul."


	29. Frustration Part One

Harry was frustrated with all the effort that was done to keep him in the dark.

From being forced to go back to the Dursley's every year, the attempts on his life, the lies and deceit, and other things, nobody in the magical world gave a damn about rights and decency. The meddling headmaster had struck, and he learned about the Order of the Phoenix. going from one prison to another was the last straw for him.

Seeing what it was doing to his godfather, who had been placed in jail for something he didn't do because they didn't want to offer or give truth serum was too much.

Now he had a trial for defending himself.

But perhaps that could be to his advantage.

* * *

"Don't I have an opportunity to defend myself, or present evidence, or is the magical world a place where injustice runs rampant so much that this sham of a trial is allowed and a verdict is determined beforehand to keep people in power?" Harry said to a suddenly stunned audience and people who were now angry at this comment.

"Hem, hem. Surely you don't think that this case, which is obviously open and shut, should allow you to tell lies?" said the toad-like woman.

"Well, obviously from what I have learned from all of you here, and from my time in Hogwarts, telling lies is how society functions. In fact, the magical world loves their lies and hates the truth."

The Ministers face was red now and he was going to shout out the sentence of Azkaban when a woman wearing a monocle spoke up. "Can you please explain what you mean Mr. Potter?"

Harry's grin was not something happy. "OK. Let's start with my placement with my aunt and uncle. Something that was done illegally since Sirius Black, my godfather, never got a trial, who's wand was snapped without evidence being gathered by Minister Fudge, and who was railroaded into prison without anybody hearing any evidence other than 'He's from a dark family.' Until I was eleven, I was kept in a cupboard space of 4 feet high, two feet wide, and 4 feet long. Beaten, forced to work with little or no food, told that I am not good, and forced not to show that I was intelligent enough to learn since that would make me better than my cousin Dudley, who was the person the Patronus was cast in front of us to protect us from a dementor.

"Once I got to school, I was targeted by the DADA teacher, who set a troll out on the students, which I fought to save a persons life, then tried to steal the Philosopher's Stone from the school. Not to mention the fact that he was possessed by the shade of Voldemort."

"Then my second year, I had to face a basilisk." Harry pulled up his sleeve, showing the obviously large tooth mark, "As you can see, I was bitten by the creature. Luckily a Pheonix cried and save my life. Unfortunately, the man behind this was let go by Minister Fudge listening to him, and deciding an innocent man had to be sent to Azkaban in order to be seen doing something instead of actual investigation. I am sure that he has good reason for misleading everyone and letting a man slip a dangerous artifact containing the soul of Tom Riddle, the so called lord Voldemort, and allowing that artifact to possess a student to do damage to the school.

"Then, of course, is my third year. That's when the Dementors were placed around the school, and the Minister was going to have Sirius kissed without finding out the circumstances, or allowing my testimony to be given or observe my memories via pensive. And last year, I was entered by Barty Crouch Junior, who was released by his father from Azkaban, taken by portkey with Cedric and deposited to see Voldemort arise in physical form once more. Once more the Minister came, and this time he had Mr. Crouch kissed and dismissed veritaserum evidence so that he could hide everything. Now once I am in muggle society, a wave of articles starts up to discredit me leading up to this trial. A trial which time was changed and I was only notified five minutes before hand of the time change. No testimony from me, no veritaserum, which would destroy the supposition of this court, no observing my memories. In fact, I would say the corruption of the wizarding world is so complete that if Vodemort wants it, he can have it."

Many of the court was now pale, and many now realized that what was now in the record would have implications for them, especially as the Minister had told the press that the entire proceedings would be available to them with everything available to allow them to see why they had to remove such a dellusional boy.

The woman with the monocle grimaced, "Is there anything else?"

Harry nodded, "It seems that the wizarding world has taken to it's heart the statement that Headmaster Dumbledore told me. 'The truth is so precious it must be protected by a bodyguard of lies.' With how I am being railroaded to hide the Minister's and therefore the ministry's incompetence, I would say that you love the lies."

Amelia Bones nodded, "Well, shall we start removing the lies? Aurors, would you take Minister Fudge into custody so that we may examine his record, under veritaserum, and find out what he has been hiding, and please bring some veritaserum here so that we may get proper testimony. And please bring a pensive as well. I suspect this may take all day or a few days, so we will start going in reverse order, with what happened when you cast the Patronus."

Just then the courtroom doors opened and Dumbledore came in.

Harry snorted, "Well, I hope you won't back out of your statements now. The ringmaster for the wizarding world just arrived, and I'm sure he'll have some argument as to where I can't provide testimony since he hasn't done things properly and reported what I just said to this court."

Dumbledore had a questioning gaze and wondered what was going on. His big entrance to save Harry was not supposed to go like this.


	30. Strangers are to be avoided

Naruto was fuming mad. This idiot comes along and says that Naruto could be a lot more powerful if he read a couple of books and did one more thing. Without telling him what that was, he refused the blind staff wielding weirdo. It wasn't as if he really needed more power anyway, just a way to promote peace over the elemental countries.

Except this person wouldn't leave him alone.

No matter where he went or what he did, the idiot wouldn't listen, and he only showed up when he was alone.

Finally, Naruto had it, and was going to low power rasengen the guy, but he disappeared leaving behind the two books he was trying to foist off on him.

From then on, no matter where he left them, the books followed him. His apartment, at a training ground, eating, or even in his backpack. It was almost as though the things were tied to him through some specialized jutsu that nobody knew anything about.

He had tried explosive notes to destroy the things!

Giving up on getting rid of them himself, he went to everyone who could possibly help him. The answer was the same. They couldn't keep the books from him, and they were unable to destroy them. Hell, they wouldn't open for anyone else but him, and if he tried to hand an open book over to someone else, they snapped shut.

In the end, everyone agreed that he had to read the things, if only to stop the frustration of his asking for help.

The books, however, were full of nonsense, strange jutsus, and philosophy that was against what he stood for. Finally having read, understood, and memorized the books, they disappeared. That day was one of intense relief for Naruto.

And strangely those jutsu's worked. Madara was having a hard time against them and kept leaving the field when confronted with these new techniques which bypassed his space-time control. It was as if they were designed to do that.

Naruto was happy that the things worked, so was satisfied that he had at least seen the last of strange people.

At least until the idiot showed up again.

He was about to boot the guy when a bucket of water fell over his head.

When he got the bucket off, he noticed the change, and was angry. The guy told him that it was part and parcel of his family techniques which was what the books were about. So was the water, but that was from a later ancestor.

In the street, a reddish orange haired girl, with a cape, jewelry, and a sword shouted at the purple haired, staff wielding, blind man, "What did you do this to me?"

"Now that...is a secret." the Mazuko replied and was promptly rasengened to the horizon.

Naruto, said reddish orange haired girl huffed, If he comes back, I'll dragon slave his ass!"


	31. Air Emergency

The two pilots and the navigator of a brand new jet were ashen as they looked out of the cockpit windows.

"The chances of this happening..."

"Control tower, Flight 492L we have an emergency and are requesting an immediate landing."

"Control tower to flight 492L, what is the declared emergency."

"Tower, we have somehow hit a skydiver."

"492L, we are clearing runway 9. Please make your way over to it. Can you describe the damage."

"The skydiver is in the nose, and has caused it to flatten out, severe stress has been caused to the airframe, and we are leaking air with some instability."

"My God..."

"492, what's happening?"

"The Skydiver is alive. I repeat, the skydiver is alive. He is pushing himself out of the nose. and he's...

"He's what 492?"

"He's now standing on the nose and brushing himself off?"

There was a pause, "492, please describe the skydiver."

The pilot was looking at the person who was now looking around and then turned his head up and seemed to shout something. "He is a Japanese national, around 16 to 18 years of age, has a large parachute with an umbrella on it, is dressed in street clothes and has a yellow and black bandanna on his head."

There was a sigh from the other side of the radio, "Flight 492, your FAC should have given you a course and warnings before allowing you to fly to Japan. Why did you ignore those warnings."

""We never received any warnings, control, what is this about?"

Silence met them for a moment while the skydiver just walked off the edge of the nose. Then the tower gave a reply as they were coming in on final approach. "Your airline will be fined for failure to conform with Japanese Aviation Rules."

The controller turned off his mike, and then spoke to his companion, "I thought we made sure the Americans would include a course on air dangers, especially over Tokyo?"

The head flight controller shrugged, "American companies fly by the dollar, if they can skip a course they will. Besides, you know Hibiki tends to show up out of nowhere.


	32. Don't make this schooler angry

Hermione was incensed.

The latest ministerial educational decree was an insult to any intelligent being, and as such an intelligent being, she decided to try and take it apart so that she could find a way around it.

"So the educational degree is 'No student organisations, societies, teams, groups and clubs may exist without the knowledge and approval of the high Inquisitor.'" Hermione mused to her two minions.

Ron snorted, "Yeah, it means she's disbanded Quiditch."

Harry rolled his eyes, and was still rubbing the back of his hand, where the words were carved into his flesh. "It means she has more control now over what we do."

Hermione was staring at Harry's hands, and then smiled. An evil, delightful smile. She had the solution.

---

On Friday, Umbridge was surprised, and glad. She would be able to take down the people in this school who opposed her, and the Ministers will.

The reason was, aside from the Slytherins, there was no one else there for supper.

Little did she know that the Professors helped with that little detail, especially once Hermione explained things.

Umbridge was about to get up when owls came in through the window and dumped two newspapers in front of her and the other teachers.

On the Prophets front page was the words 'Special Edition - Hogwarts closed by Fudge and Umbridge'. The article then went into great detail of how issuing an educational decree had affected the students, and that parents were hiring lawyers to sue both Fudge and Umbridge for the monies that the students were paying, especially with the information on what they were not learning thanks to Umbridge. Indeed, many purebloods were interviewed and incensed that the Ministry, through Umbridge and Fudge had ensured that Magic would die out as their children were not allowed to learn how to do spells, only read story books from before the first year.

The Quibler was even worse. On it was the picture of Harry Potter, his hand, and a moving picture of his memories shown in several pictures in which Umbridge had tortured him with the quill. The headline was - 'Minister Fudge gives the right to Hogwarts High Inquisitor to torture students.' Aside from Mr. Potter were other people who had also provided memories of what she did.

There was a demand for her to face trial and Azkaban for using such techniques for 'telling people the truth and disagreeing with not being able to learn what their parents paid the school for them to learn.'

Just then, Fudge showed up, wanting to know what she had done to have the papers ask for his removal from office. Unfortunately for him two minutes later several Aurors following Madam Bones came in and heard the arguement between the two.

Madam Bones had been informed of what was happening by her niece when the three houses left with all their possessions for Hogsmede, and she had interviewed Mr. Potter under Veritaserum by his insistence. The stories came out and the Minister and Umbridge were now under arrest for aiding Voldemort in taking over the wizarding world by hiding vital information.

Harry put it best afterwards, when all the students were back in the school and many Slytherins students now being questioned on their parents whereabouts. "Never separate Hermione from her obsessive learning."


	33. Frustration Part Two

"Now then," Madam Bones said as she looked down, frowning at Dumbledore, "Mr. Dumbledore, would you please take a seat unless we call for you, and none of your usual interrupting the proceedings as you are not a representative here at this time."

"Of course. I am here in this matter as the Headmaster of his school, and would like to represent him in this matter."

Amelia took a quick look at Mr. Potter and noticed that he was hiding his irritation with the old man well, but it was still there to see. "At this time, Mr. Potter has represented himself very well. If he wishes your council, he may ask for it. Mr. Potter, would you like to be represented by Headmaster Dumbledore?"

Albus turned with sparkling eyes and a smile at the young man, who ignored him and turned to face Madam Bones, "I would prefer not, as I would like to clear up everything, not have it be put off for later, as the Headmaster is wont to do."

Albus hid his surprise at this and wondered what had happened. Harry was supposed to accept his help so that he could steer the court away from any questions that would be uneasy to answer. "Are you sure, Harry?"

This time he looked straight into Dumbledore's eyes. "Yes. Apparently there is a lot that should have been brought up before now, and I would like to get on with it now that someone is finally listening. It would be good to face people, tell the truth, not have it be put off, and not called as addled as you."

Despite the situation, several of the people on the court snorted and a couple had to hide their smiles behind their hands, having been familiar with Dumbledores antics in the Wizengamot as a moderator.

"Well, if this is going to take forever, I have someplace to be, so I must excuse myself from the court," Deloris Umbridge stated as she got up.

Amelia's eyes narrowed, as this was not in the woman's usual behaviour. "Madam Umbridge, you were the one who changed the time of the court proceeding and sent notices out. I will note that Mr. Potter has stated that he only received the mailing 5 minutes before this court met, which means he could have only been on these premises at this time given the time that an owl would take. I would therefore have you here to answer questions about this before we continue with the rest of the trial results, given that I and the rest received notice of this change last night."

"I quite assure you that I sent notice in enough time for Mr. Potter to arrive here in time." Deloris replied, her face full of indignation.

"Headmaster Dumbledore, when did you receive notice of the change in time of this court?" Amelia turned her attention back to the old man.

Albus frowned, "I did not receive notification until I arrived here only a few minutes ago. I thought it was rather unusual for me to receive the information when the court had already convened."

"Deloris, sit down. We now have to look at if you had something to do with presenting Mr. Potter is less than the best light, given the confirmation that two people who seem to be central to this case failed to be notified in a proper manner." Amelia stated looking at the rather fat woman. "Indeed, we will need to question you as well under veritaserum before we start with Mr. Potters testimony under the same."

"Surely Harry need not go under..."

"Mr. Dumbledore, as a headmaster of a school, you will be called when needed. Mr. Potter has already requested the use of veritaserum in order to confirm his version of recent events. This testimony will be used in conjunction with pensive testimony, so you will sit down until called upon by the court." Amelia stated.

Albus sighed, bowed, and then went to sit down behind Harry.

"Deloris, if you will take the chair, we can get on with this." Amelia stated, now showing a bit of frustration herself.

"I refuse. There are still matters that I have to contend with, and as Undersecretary to the Minister, now that he is in custody of the DMLE, there are matters I have to see to immediately." Umbridge said as she walked towards the exit at the back of the court.

"Aurors, arrest Ms. Umbridge on suspicion of framing a suspect to be seen before this court."

Amelia turned to the person who had stated this, unexpected, help. "Agreed."

Two aurors grabbed Madam Umbridge and took her down to a chair as the pensive and veritaserum arrived. The toad protested, "You can't do this!"

Madam Marchbank looked at the younger woman and stated, "We can, as you have sufficiently demonstrated that you have something to hide. If not, you would have remained here, or submitted to the request. In my many years on the Wizengamot, I have seen the Minister and the Ministers Office push through things with very few facts, and this time, thanks to Mr. Potters words, we have sufficient reason to question you, or your competence."

The chains on the chair quickly although just barely wrapped once around Umbridge. Even then, the chains were straining to contain her bulk, and she couldn't have been very comfortable given the arms of the chair were situation under her bottom.

The auror opened her mouth and deposited three drops of veritaserum into her mouth. Within moments the truth drug took effect, and Madam Bones started the questioning. "Did you mail Mr. Potters and Headmaster Dumbledore with sufficient time to arrive in this court."

"Yes."

This was not what she expected, but the question was answered and she was about to call for the antidote when Ms. Marchbank said, "What do you consider sufficient time to arrive in this court?"

"Ten minutes."

"Why would you grant so little time for a defendant to receive notification?" Marchbank asked, having taken over the questioning.

"Too show that Mr. Potter is contemptuous of this court, and to ensure that he did not have proper time to present a good defense by going to the DMLE before the trial started so that he could offer testimony to be used."

A mummer grew throughout the court as a suspicion came to their minds. Marchbank stated what they were thinking, "Is there any truth to Mr. Potter having faced Dementors during the day in question?"

"Yes."

"Who sent the dementors?"

"I did."

"Why did you send dementors after Mr. Potter?"

"To ensure that he was silenced as he opposed the Ministers words that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is dead."

Marchbank looked to Bones, and nodded. Madam Bones, however, had one more question, "Why would Mr. Potters words of disagreement have such an effect on you?"

There was a slight bit of sweat on Deloris's head. "So that I could pass the new creature laws that will ensure that the animals are extinguished and so that they will not have any representation in our world and to get rid of those who are less than pure of blood."

"Did the Minister know?"

"He suspected it when the trial was called, but didn't say a word to me about it. Other than to ensure that Mr. Potter was placed in a bad position to defend himself."

Amelia gestured to the Auror to administer the antidote.

"Deloris Umbridge, you will be taken to be questioned by the DMLE on all you have done as a member of the Ministry. You are also hereby charged with attempted murder and breaking the International Statute of Secrecy with your disregard. Trial for you will be held in six weeks."

As Deloris' wand was taken from her and led out of the courtroom to a cell, Amelia turned to Harry, "Mr. Potter, it seems that we no longer need any testimony from you on this incident."

"I would still like to have my testimony taken so that there are no mistakes, or suspicion that I had something to hide." Harry said with a firm nod.

Very well, if you would provide the court with evidence from your memories first, we will get this underway.

Harry looked at the pensive, and then to the court body. "I hate to be a bother, but can someone tell me how to do this?"


	34. Snape's Lessons

Harry had it.

First potion class, and he was being treated as a plague, just as he had been with the Dursleys.

Having had enough, he calmly packed up his books got up, and started towards the door.

"Where are you going, Potter?" Professor Snape said.

"Out of this class, and then to transfer to another school." came the calm reply, which threw everyone in the class off. With a look, several other first years started packing up, and soon it was ALL the Griffindors who were gathering around the door.

"Please open the door, while you are still my professor," Harry said calmly, not letting his anger out. "Refusal to do so just ensures that you are counted as a bully."

Snape had enough. A spell came out and hit Harry right in the back, and not a simple stunner, but something that caused him to bleed. The entire class gasped, and Snape was just standing there, realizing what he just did.

Screams about murder came from several of the first years, and Hermione shouted "Alohomora" at the door.

Several people gathered Harry and they rushed towards the hospital wing, while many others ran towards the Griffindor Tower.

"That will teach the mudblood lover!" Malfoy laughed.

Snape still stood there, wondering what he had done.

---

Within the day, Grinfindor First Years had written to their parents, and the hall was filled with people. Reporters were there, government officials, and finally, in the middle of this circus was the Headmaster trying to contain this disaster.

With no avail.

Word had already spread that Professor Snape had not only attacked Harry Potter, but was instrumental in his decision to leave the school for another.

Offers were already coming in, and the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were getting in on it as well, as they had also written their parents.

At the end of the day, only Slytherins, and 10 other students were in the school, including Harry, the Weasleys, and Hermione. They would be leaving the next day for Beaubatons.

Snape was, of course arrested, but got off on a technicality. He was stripped of being a teacher however, and was planning to leave the country as people were fingering their wands while looking at him.

Dumbledore lost a lot of political capital, as did the current Minister of Magic. Reporters, mainly Rita Skeeter started to go back into their pasts and learned that Sirius Black had been incarcerated without evidence or trial. When this hit the public, both lost their public positions.

The mass exodus from the country began at that, and the goblins were not pleased with all their vaults being emptied.

It was a countrywide disaster, especially when an interview showed how Harry had been treated by his relatives.

Harry also said it would be a cold day in Hell before he went back to Britain willingly, and that any time he was there it would likely have been due to a kidnapping.

Dumbledore was sitting in his brothers bar after all this drinking and saying one thing over and over, "We are so screwed."


	35. Getting back to normal

This is the last update of Kakashi's Lament under this heading. It is now under it's own story.

* * *

"So, we have a mission?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Yes, we are going to be doing a simple 'D' rank mission."

Sasuke snorted, "Why? We've already proved we can handle higher level missions."

Sakura stared at Sasuke, wondering what inhuman place he had been born in. "Sasuke, we've never done a 'D' rank before. And the one mission that we were on, well, we were lucky."

Sasuke snorted again, "All that was needed was the Dobe, it's not like it was a serious situation."

Kakashi was gritting his teeth. The sheer arrogance of the kid was getting to him, and there was a sore need for physical attitude adjustment. That would have been frowned on, however, but perhaps he could turn this around. Maybe if he requested the most dreaded 'D' then it would turn the kid around. "Well then, this mission shouldn't take that long then. In fact, since Naruto was the only one needed in our last, and ONLY mission, then maybe we should excuse him from this one?"

Sasuke smiled. This was his chance to prove to everyone that Naruto wasn't that great, and that the only thing going for him was those wrist bands, and since he had them now, well, this mission would be over in minutes, whatever it was. "Agreed."

Kakashi lightly grabbed Naruto's shoulder, "Well, I am afraid we won't need you today, Naruto. Maybe you should go do some studying."

Naruto frowned at the older man, "We're supposed to be a team. What the hell are you trying?"

Kakashi made a mudra that only Naruto could see from the angle they were at, "Well, I understand that some people want to talk with you about buying some stuff.

Seeing the sign, Naruto started to giggle inside, but he kept his eyes narrowed, "But I want to train!"

Kakashi sighed as he noticed the countersign Naruto used, "I suppose I could send you to Anko."

Naruto froze, "You wouldn't."

"Yep! Maybe training with her for a few days would..."

"Bye Kakashi, good luck with your mission!" Naruto's voice trailed off as he seemingly ran away.

Sakura looked at Naruto's dust trail and was wondering what was so bad about this Anko person.

Sasuke smirked. It would be a good day. A simple mission and no dobe in sight, what could be better. Well, getting rid of Sakura, who was also a dead weight would be good, but one miracle a day was enough to ask for. Tomorrow he'd get rid of her as well. Then Kakashi could devote all his time to training him to get stronger.

* * *

Sarutobi looked at Naruto, "Kakashi actually requested that D Rank?"

Naruto shrugged, "Yeah. No idea why. You told me it's usually used to do tracking practice."

The Sandaime Hokage nodded, "Yes, and with no less than 3 people. I wonder what the poor boy is thinking."

"What?"

The Hokage puffed his pipe a bit, "He almost had a breakdown yesterday, or he might have had a small one. People aren't sure. It's certain his mind blanked out for a while at least."

"They guy's usually late, not blanking out." Naruto said in puzzlement.

"They found him just standing stiff as a board, and it took half an hour to get him to do more than breathe. I do understand he was talking with a number of people, however. One of the results of which is on your desk."

"OI! You mean he's caused me paperwork!" Naruto said, clearly annoyed.

"Just a few requests from ANBU. If Kakashi knew about them, perhaps that's why he excused you from training, they may have some special requests or something." Sarutobi said with a hidden smile.

Naruto got up and went to the door, "It figures. Just when I thought I figured out how to reduce it, he makes the pile larger."

Sarutobi looked to Naruto and asked before he closed the door, "Wait, you found a way to reduce paperwork?"

Naruto shrugged, and said just before he closed the door. "Bunshins have to be good for something other than training or gathering intelligence."

Sarutobi sighed to himself, "Unfortunately, not many have your chakra threshold. I doubt it would help with the number of requests I have each hour. Especially since I already use about 20."

* * *

Anko smiled as she walked into Naruto's office. She had never been in it before, and only saw the kid in passing, but there was something with him sitting on the couch reading reports that seemed familiar. Ah well, it didn't really matter so much. "Hiya kid!"

Naruto looked up and groaned, "Kakashi sent you after me, didn't he?"

"Naw, well, in a way as he told a few of us about your inventions." Anko shrugged as she sat down across from him.

Naruto snorted a laugh. "That's why I have requests for weapons on my desk? I'm not the armourer, I'm just a gennin and student."

Anko started to raise fingers as she went through each point, "And an inventor, a menace with pranks, leader of the rugrat patrol, hero of at least two countries, the most orange ninja in the world, and Hokage in training. Face it kid, it would have crossed your desk sooner or later."

Naruto leaned back, "Yeah, I guess. So what sort of weapon do you want me to release from the armoury?"

"Well, What I really want is a copy of your weapons." Anko smiled. A nasty and wicked smile.

Naruto sat up straight, "Nothing doing! They're still too experimental."

Anko looked at him with pleading eyes, "Awe, Come On! They're great! And I could report to you anything wrong, or test them out, or help make them, or something!"

Naruto rubbed his forehead, "How good are you with seals?"

Anko was taken aback by the question, "Somewhat good. I can seal stuff, and know a few other things such as explosive seals and so on."

Naruto groaned, then took off one of his armbands to show her. "These things are some mechanical work, but mostly a fusion of dozens of different types of delicate seals in a matrix.

He turned it over and showed her the inside. "First, each one of these particular seals needs to be matched up to the person. Without it matching, then they will misfire easily, and you need to be able to control the output of chakra from the various points under them. For instance, one point loads the tube from the storage seal, another point is the trigger mechanism for the futon seal, another point is the power gathering point, and yet another is for targeting information."

He turned it back over, "Inside the tube are futon seals, which have to act in a certain pattern to push the senbon, or any article out of it at a high speed. To hit things properly, you need to have a sort of pulse to let you know that you're going to hit what you're aiming at, and that has to reflect off of what you're aiming at, so it has to respond to different environments, situations, and materials, which also means you need to practice so that you can feel the response it gives you."

Naruto then pointed to several tubes near the rear, "Each of these tubes are different types of loads, depending on the situation. Only three at a time, because of space, can be next to the launch tube at any time. So far, I've come up with six different loads. Plain senbon, wired senbon to send a raiton jutsu through, a firebomb, a distraction bomb, which I found can be used to bluff people, a smoke bomb, and a solid pellet which I got from what I did to Kakashi a while back. As you can see, the whole thing is really a piece of sealing, more than a weapon. And you can also see why it's experimental."

Anko whistled at all that had gone into the thing, "Yeah, well, I still want one."

Naruto groaned, "Ok, on two conditions."

Anko had a maddening smile on now. "What?"

"First, you are going to help make the weapon loads, and help with doing all of the seal work. Then you're going to tell me what me being the hero of several countries is about."

"DEAL!" Anko shouted in delight.

Somehow Naruto just knew this was a great mistake in the making.

* * *

"I'm going to kill that cat." Sasuke mumbled to himself.

He really didn't like this cat. Not only was it escaping everytime it was trapped, but it also seemed to know how to fight, as were evidenced by his scratched up arms. Someone had to have trained that thing to know how to hit the most painful nerves.

Sakura looked over at Sasuke, "It's just an innocent animal, Sasuke."

Sasuke's response was to growl, and then he saw the thing sitting quietly in a clearing. This was it, the perfect revenge, and fire would do it. He raised his arms and triggered the mechanism. Nothing happened.

Growling he triggered it again. Nothing except the sound of glass breaking. He tried it a third time and heard more glass breaking and then was wondering why his arms felt warm. Soon he was trying to pull the damn armbands off as fast as possible as the things were burning on his arms, the metal was hot, and whatever that was that was coming out of the tube was liquid fire. Literally.

Sakura started to scream and then took one of her kunai and started to try and cut the things off of Sasukes arms, much to the devastation of his skin.

Kakashi sighed as he rushed Sasuke to the hospital, leaving the burning armbands on the ground behind them.

Why did he have to have a team which had such an idiot on it? Just because someone else came up with a weapon, this one thought he could recreate it. What had he done wrong? Who had he pissed off?

No, Naruto was bad enough, but Sasuke? Sasuke would definitely be the death of him.


	36. What methods should be used?

"There's an emergency. A big one!" one of the people on the magical scanners said in the situation room.

Xander, the one eyed former carpenter and tactical head of the council said, "What's the situation?"

"Code 475!"

"Fuck!" Xander shouted and said, "I need a tactical team on standby for a major snafu.

"How bad is it?"

The scanner operator was looking over the notations that he had and said, It's reached an Omega level situation."

Xander placed his head in the palm of his hand. "Wonderful. So we have infected then."

Xander went up to the front of the large screen with several smaller screens surrounding it. "Open channel to Slayer Prime."

When the channel came on, Buffy asked, "What's the sitch?"

"What?"

"Saw it on a show, Situation now please."

"We have a case of Nice Guy Syndrome, with infected." Xander said and looked at a paper that was just handed to him, "It's in a hidden place in Scotland, so I want you leading a team which I will bring to you myself."

"Damn! Another one?"

Xander sighed, "Yeah, they never seem to learn."

"How many guesses that they have a big bad as well?"

"No guessing. We'll assess the situation once we're there. According to the translated books, it's at someplace called Hogwarts."

"Great. This means I have to clean up another mess that someone is too nice to handle."

* * *

"I need a cleanup crew." Xander said into his communicator.

Giles was in the situation room going over what was happening in the field. "How bad?"

"One castle, badly damaged, several deaths, and the nice old guy is dead by trying to talk someone to be better."

Giles sighed. When would they be rid of those people who would talk instead of fight? They cared more for the bad guys than their friends and family. "What of the infected?"

"The place is a school G-man. We have an entire generation of sheep ala Sunnydale."


	37. If Harry had been treated a little worse

Minerva McGonagall had come into the hall as soon as Hagrid crashed open the doors, shouting that Dumbledore had better have a good explanation or he was going to face his wrath.

"Hagrid, what is the matter?" Asked the elderly witch, seeing how furious the usual friendly half-giant was.

In response, Hagrid put down a squinting boy dressed in rags.

The boy looked around, then said, "Youse be wanting boy to clean up this? Will take a few suns, but boy will do so."

McGonagall's mouth dropped open, and she hesitated, but asked, "Is this?"

Hagrid nodded, too furious to answer.

"Hagrid, I am afraid that if you don't keep up, there will be nothing left for you to get an explanation.


	38. Xanders Change of Name

Xander had it. Another girl lost to too little protection, and he was going to do something about it. His current duties gave him a good idea of what to do, and with that he went straight to Giles office.

When he got there, he dumped a piece of paper on the desk. "Either I go back into the field, or we come up with a new way to do this."

Giles took the papers, gave it a look and sighed, "Xander, I know how you feel, but you are the best tactical person we have. Your place is here to tell the teams what to do."

Xander grunted then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a sheef of paper. "In that case, I want this. We can afford it now, and I never want to tell another parent that their child is not coming back. It won't happen, but I can at least reduce the number of times I have to say that."

Giles took up this new pile of papers and after reading for a moment, adjusted his glasses and continued to read halfway through. "Are you sure this will reduce casulties?"

"Yes. Also given what happened with that bastard American general, if we go to the Royals, they can set us up as an official security organization, which means we can get more watchers and support personnel."

Giles coughed, "I can see that. Very well. I will approve the new uniforms, as you have them designed here, but I have to ask if you really want them to have guns."

"They're useful in the field, at least with some demons, and this way our people can be seen in public, in uniform, and cause less of a panic than young girls with swords, stakes, and battleaxes."

Giles thought about that, and agreed it would give an official cover for some, if not all, of their activities. "Very well, and I will talk to Willow and Andrew about creating a better situation room as you have outlined."

"Thanks G-man. I knew I could count on you." Xander said as he left the office. "I just need to head into town for a little while, I should be back in a few hours."

Giles frowned, "What are you going to do?"

Just before he closed the door, Xander stated, "I need a name change, and the name of the organization should be on the last page."

Giles went to the last page and read, "Shield? Well, I do guess we are a shield for humanity, so that is as good a name as any."


	39. How three rocks could save the day

It was devious, and underhanded, and went against every rule in magical battle.

It was also, in it's own way, a loophole that was noticed by the Granger girl, the most devious, underhanded, noxious, and evil person to ever hide behind being just a studious Gryffindor, which should have raised alarm bells in the first place. Most Gryffindors were brave as the dickens, but were not very studious, except perhaps in annoyance spells or battle spells. Yes, they tended to be the ultimate leaaders people followed in battle, and in certain times, the ones they followed as leaders against dark lords, but otherwise their small work ethic left them as little more than hanger ons to general society.

Ms. Granger had changed that.

For instance, instead of being at the bottom of the class in the school year, as was normal, now Gryffindors were averaging as the second highest house in terms of grades. That really said a lot when you consider the ambitions of the Slytherins, or the hard work that the Hufflepuffs were wont to do. In some cases, they were even outdoing the Ravenclaws, who tended to be the researchers and questioners of their society. This, in itself, should have really raised alarm bells.

In was due, strictly to her influence, that the Weasley twins, already a pranking menace, truly started to shine, and become great at potions.

Mr. Potter, who had never questioned things being said to him, now being a staunch advocate, along with Ron Weasely, of destroying the slavery of the house elves. Not to mention Mr. Potter becoming a person who represented the supposed future of the Wizarding World, what with his interest in muggle objects, much like Arthur Weasley, and the interest in how things worked instead of accepting that they did. Damn it! Gryffindors were not supposed to be wise and seeking outside sources of inspiration, that went against centuries of knowledge of how their minds worked!

The girl, despite her ancestry, should have been sorted into Slytherin, instead of that bumbling fool Draco Malfoy!

And now, thanks to her passing this latest work off as potions practice and drills, she had come up with the ultimate weapons that the wizarding world had ever seen.

All aimed at the true supposed evil, the so-called Lord Voldemort.

But he wasn't going to complain, and he was going to follow her lead. She would be a force to reckon with in future, and would probably hold more power than any had in centuries. All because she convinced the blasted hat to put her in a place where she obviously didn't belong.

Damned good at long ranged planning, that.

Now the weapons that were being wielded in the castle had already cost Malfoy, and other death eaters their lives.

From throwing versions to ones that were hidden, nothing seemed so devious, or downright evil, and the blood would soak the stones of this old castle for generations to come, not to mention the grounds surrounding Hogwarts itself.

Whatever that woman created with three rocks was going to leave him sleeping a lot less at night, wondering what other devious devices she had planed.

A womp sounded off to his right, and he saw the damage that the thrower had done to yet another giant.

With a sigh, Blaise lit the fuses with a fire spell from the tower where he was at, and watched as another line of Death Eaters died due to the fire bombs in the ground that the blasted woman created.


	40. Poly is a cracker

We were talking about Polyjuice and sex, and this had to be the way to go, if you were going to do it.

* * *

Harry was really starting to worry about Ron and his one track mind when it came to Polyjuice and sex.

It was not what he wanted the damned potion for.

No, the potion, combined with the little that a certain dog taught him before he died would be used in a very special way.

And he had just enough of ol' Vode to do it.

* * *

Umbridge brought in the tea as was normal when meeting with the Minister. A normal part of her day, and she wanted things to go right. There was so much to do to damage Potter, and it could keep the person she needed here.

As for the Minister, Fudge was doing his best to keep his seat in office. If he hadn't been so stubborn, and listened to Dumbledore and Potter he wouldn't be in this mess. As it was, his main adviser was now in Azkaban, and he was just a few days to weeks away from being out of office unless he could pull off a miracle. "Not today, Dolores. I'm to busy."

"Too busy to have some tea? Potter will be in soon and we need to be ready. If he gives his testimony to the Wizengamot then we will both be out of here." the toad-like woman said as she poured them both a cup of tea.

Fudge snorted, and then gasped as Dolores changed form, into that of Voldemort! That was how he was hiding! Normally, he would just plead for his life, but with all the upsets, he just grabbed his wand and fired a reducto, splitting the former undersecretary in half, and spilling tea all over the place.

Wait...

He cleaned up the tea a bit and then used Dolores's wand to cause a bit more damage to the office.

With this body, he would be a hero.

* * *

'FUDGE KILLS VOLDEMORT!' the headlines screamed on the Daily Prophet.

* * *

'FUDGED KILLED BY DEATHEATERS' was the headline the following day.

Harry was going to frame the two front pages.

Two dimwits with one dose.

Now, how to get Lucius, and then Snape?


	41. House Elves At Work

A thought occurred to me because of what Dobby did in the second year.

Many teachers, such as Flitwick, would have jumped at the chance of teaching Harry what he needs to know. And suppose Snape's attitude was not against Harry because of his father, but because he thought he refused teaching opportunities that he presented to the boy before he came to Hogwarts.

Why would that be?

Well here's the answer.

* * *

"They's is doing it again!" a house elf said as he came into the kitchen at Hogwarts.

"Then we've stops it again." said another, "Bigs should not be bothering Harry Potter Sir with their silly training thinking."

A third house elf commented, "Yes! We's knows that Harry Potter Sir needs safe. Bigs have silly ideas of making him unsafe. Sees papers by Dumbly asking again that Harry Potter Sir accept papers from Minister to be able to do Bigs magic anywhere."

A forth elf, the leader of the Harry Elf Legion Protection System huffed, "Silly Bigs. We be's protecting Harry Potter Sir since Voldemort goes. What does they know?"


	42. If the Watchers called on Asian help

"I understand you need my help" a voice called out to those who were researching.

The Scoobies turned to face the Asian man in the doorway. "May I ask what you are talking about, and who you are?"

"I'll tell you my name later, but I understand that you are having some troubles with a God or Goddess of some type?"

Giles coughed a bit, "Yes, but I still need to know who you are."

"Let's just say that the Watcher's now owe me several favours."

* * *

"So you're the so called Goddess that's causing all the problems?"

"Problems? I just want my key and they won't give it to me!" Glory yelled out.

"Nah. Can't let you have it. Well, you can have it, if you can beat me." he replied with a smirk.

Glory huffed, "And just who are you? Some nobody like everyone else?"

"The names Saotome Ranma."

Glory blinked and started to back off, "Saotome Ranma?"

Ranma's smirk got larger, "I take it you've heard of me?"

"Saotome Ranma, the one who defeated Saffron?" Glory stated while backing up some more.

"Yeah. He was easy."

"Saotome Ranma, the God Slayer?" Glory screeched.

"I have been called that on occasion."

Glory turned to the stunned audience of Scoobies, "You can have the key, you can have anything. I just need to leave town, or the country, or maybe if someone can lend me enough, the planet."

Buffy was blinking, "Uh...Well."

"Oh. Right. Student. Well, got to go, places to be, fashions to get. You know how it is. Bye." Glory was shouting as she ran away.

Ranma blinked, "That's the first one I've met who didn't want to fight. Are you sure she was a Goddess?"

The Scoobies fell flat on their faces.

* * *

After seeing a number of Ranma crossovers with Buffy, I just had to do this.


	43. Frustration Part Three

After reviewing both Harry's memory and veritaserum testimony, there were a number of murmurs around the room. They had been impressed at a number of things, such as the fact that the boy kept a cool head in the face of danger, was able to conjure a corporeal patronous, and the beginnings of wandless magic. In all, it seemed that not only an apology was necessary, but some form of compensation. The question at this point was what was appropriate?

"Let us table the discussion of compensatory judgement for now, and get the testimony of Mr. Potter about what happened a few months ago." Amelia announced to the court.

"Mr. Potter, before we start with another pensive viewing and veritaserum testimony, can you tell us in your own words what happened?" a member of the court asked.

"How far back would you like me to go?" Harry asked.

"What do you mean?" Amelia asked.

Harry answered, smirking inside. This would well put paid to a few individuals. "Well, the teacher we believed to be Alistor Moody turned out to be Barty Crouch Junior. I was wondering how far back to go, such as when he was teaching us about the unforgivables and put us under the imperious curse."

"WHAT!" came a scream from the back. "Who allowed the students to be put under the imperious curse?"

"Well, according to Mr. Crouch, who I have reason to suspect lied, Headmaster Dumbledore was allowing them to be shown to a forth year class, although he told us that it wasn't supposed to be shown to us until the sixth year."

Dumbledore stood up. "That is incorrect Harry. He was only supposed to discuss them, not show them to ANY class, much less cast any of them on the students. We're trying to make sure that knowledge of how they are performed, in case one encounters them, is known, not teach students how to do it, or practice such on the students."

Harry sighed, "Unfortunately, Headmaster, the class took that as the truth, since it was a teacher you trusted, the fact that we have had dangerous experiences since the first year, the recent occurrence of the World Cup, and your known propensity to inflict such things upon students, given Mr. Snape and the less than stellar DADA teachers."

"That is Professor Snape, Harry," chided the Headmaster.

"He isn't a professor to me, since he doesn't teach, inflicts terror upon the students, and is unquestionably biased to the point where I suspect that he has sabotaged potions of a number of students." Harry replied.

"Harry, may I remind you that Professor Snape has my complete confidence?" Dumbledore asked sadly.

Harry was laughing on the inside. Dumbledore had stepped into it with that one. "And that is why it was so easy to believe that you actually ordered us to be put under the imperious."

"While facinating, and a subject that we WILL be revisiting, at the moment we wish to learn about the situation concerning Mr. Crouch. I would say that from that class onward and his actions would be a good place to start." Amelia sternly interated.

Harry started his recital, including all events that he remembered from that year, concluding with Barty's confession as to the plans laid out. Some members of the Wizengamot were not happy once Harry had gotten to names, and Amelia was happy to issue bench warrants for the arrests of Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Macnair, Malfoy, and Pettigrew. It turned out that several of them were persuaded to allow these people to go on the excuse of the imperious.

They viewed the pensive testimony of all the incidents, and Amelia had been informed that Malfoy and Macnair had been arrested in the building, after having been first stunned as to prevent casualties. Amelia was now on a warpath, "Headmaster Dumbledore, what we have seen here is obviously the tip of the iceberg. You have claimed that you did not know it was an imposter taking the place of former auror Moody, yet even I can see that there were several times that he must have raised a suspicion in your mind, if you really knew him. Furthermore, why did you not bring this to an emergency meeting of the Wizengamot with pensive testimony as is being done here? While there would be some who would protest, it is obvious that by offering such testimony it would be accepted. We have now seen Pettigrew, who was believed dead, and we have seen the resurrection of Voldemort. As of now, we need to consolidate facts and information, so we will suspend this hearing for two days while we take war footing.

"Albus Dumbledore, you will come back to the ministry in your role as Head of the Wizengamot with the exception of this case. You are to take control of the ministry with the help of three others and guide the ministry as well as instituting a policy for routing out traitors. It may come to the point where you cannot fulfil your role as Headmaster of Hogwarts, so you will invest your Deputy Headmistress with that function until otherwise.

"We will reconvene Saturday, the 14th at 9am considering the most unusual circumstances of this case. At that time, we will start with the educational abilities of Professor Snape, and continue to the previous year with Mr. Black, who it seems, is not guilty. At this time, a judgement of Mr. Black being temporarily freed by the Wizengamot from being framed will stand until he himself has been tried. So say you all?"

There was a chorus of Ayes.


	44. Are people just stupid or what?

"And so that is how I destroyed the horcrux's. Easy once you think about it." stated a calm boy drinking some juice.

The others around him couldn't believe it. "But where's the adventure, the excitement, the knowledge that you were fighting good versus evil?"

"Yeah! Where's the action? I mean you're the Boy Who Lived! You had to do more than that!"

Harry sighed, "I told you the truth. Everything was done with a spell I learned first year."

"But what of your legendary battles!"

He snorted, "You mean legendary luck! Even this, I wouldn't have thought of if I hadn't been passing Professor McGonagall's class at the end of my sixth year."

"But to use such a simple transfiguration. It doesn't make sense!"

Harry was now getting a bit angry. "Look. Whatever else happened, it worked. It was the same spell I hit Voldemort with. It would have been stupid to face him one on one, so I improvised and I won."

"But changing the horcrux's to Bone China, and the death eaters as well."

Draining his pumpkin juice before heading out, "It just goes to show that the lessons from first year are some of the most important. Why else teach us how to change hedgehogs to pincushions, changing things into tea sets, and so on. It was easy to change all the horcrux's, except fort the snake, to brittle china and then levitate it and drop them on a hard object from high up. Hitting the death eaters and making them inanimate objects, and then making them into china and then putting them in a muggle shipping box and sending them via royal post was just something that had to be done. Same with the snake. I just did the same with Riddle, except I made him into a pinata, and then then held a party for people who wanted to wack it. Putting in some gold coins and advertising it was just good business, letting them have a try for a few sickles to get a chance at thirty galleons certainly paid off."

One of the boys snapped his fingers, "Hey, I remember that. You had several of those things, each with some galleons in it. Which one was the dark lord? Come to think of it..."

"Wasn't that about the time Snape and the Toad disappeared?" Said another.

"Oh, look at the time. We need to get to class." Harry said as he started his seventh year at Hogwart's school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	45. The Unforgivable Sin

He heard the screech as he entered their latest residence, and sighed.

It didn't matter that he was now the Reigning Master. No. It was what Chiun wanted that mattered. Best get this out of the way in a polite manner. "What is it now, little father?"

Chiun was standing up, almost to the point where he was quivering, not that Remo would ever say that to his face, before a destroyed large screen television. "We must go to the land where pigs fly! They have insulted Sinanju for more than ten years, and I only learned about it tonight!"

Remo grunted. There were too many 'lands where pigs fly' to count for Chiun. "Which particular land?"

Chiun spun, "The stupid Japanese! They have once again defied the will of Sinanju with a false and drawn documentary!"

Remo leaned against a wall ands raised an eyebrow, "What did they do this time?"

"They have made heroes out of thieves, and these thieves refuse to wear the masks they are supposed to."

Ah. Ninjas. "Which group?"

"I know not at the moment, only that the village of Konoha is the worst offender. We must get to those islands and find these hidden elemental countries they speak of and eliminate them all. The children we will teach the meaning of going without masks, as is proper for those thieves!"

"I see. And this documentary?"

"It is called Naruto, and I have seen how they have the perfidy to challenge Sinanju. At the least, we will deal with the ones who draw this so that they will know what to really draw. They will tell the truth of Sinanju and the Ninja!"

Remo looked at the TV guide and saw that Naruto was a child's show. "Let's think about this a bit. We should just send a letter and"

"No Remo!" Chiun shouted as he went to get his trunks. "We will go to the airport now! I will not allow this insult to continue."

Remo groaned. Smitty would not be happy about this.


	46. Crazy is Marriage, Escape is Delight

Everyone keeps talking about Marriage Laws in the wizarding world of Britain.

Here's one way it could go. If anyone want's to use it as a basis for a full story, go ahead.

* * *

It was November, and Harry already had a horrible summer with the accusations of underage magic use. Now the headmaster was calling for him after avoiding him for some time. Something was up.

"Harry, my boy, come on in."

Harry, who through the years faced dangerous situations, suddenly felt the hairs on his neck stand up. Now while the Headmaster greeted him like this before, this was the first time that he felt particularly dead. "Yes sir, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes. I need to inform you that a new law has been put into place that is forcing you to marry."

Ok, alarm bells were blaring. Luckily Hermione had taken Moody's words to heart and had practiced numerous scenarios with Ron and himself. This was one now. "I take it that you could not overturn it in the Wizengamot."

Dumbledore shook his head, "I'm afraid not. The laws affect more than just you, the whole of the wizarding world is affected.

"You mean this went through the ICW?"

Dumbledore stopped at that and then continued, "No, I should have said that it was only in the British wizarding world."

Harry straightened. "I see. You do realize, that as Head of House Potter, to get married requires that I be considered an adult at least a year in advance of the wedding?"

Dumbledore frowned, "I was not aware of that. However, the law will not wait."

Harry shrugged, "Given the Wizengamot members want to be out a job and without a home if they push this through since it interferes with the rules of a house, it doesn't matter to me. It just means the law is automatically defeated and they, including yourself, lose everything."

Dumbledore frowned some more. He hadn't realized Harry knew that much about the law. "Well, you have technically been declared an adult since you were in the tournament, which is how they could bring the entire Wizengamot against you at your hearing."

Harry nodded, smirking evilly. "So that means I was not guilty of underage magic use. That means I can sue every member of the Wizengamot that was there. Thank you for that information."

Dumbledore really did not like that smile. He pulled out a scroll, "Here is the order of the Wizengamot, also signed by myself that declares you an adult."

Harry took the scroll, laughing inside. It was exactly what he wanted. "Thank you. If you don't mind, I must go to prepare."

"Of course, my boy. Have a good day."

The first thing Harry did was go and inform his fellow inmates in Griffindor and state he had a plan, but needed to get out of the castle and to London. The twins declared they could help him with that and decided to go with him, while everyone else provided a distraction. Harry gathered his supplies and they escaped to Hogsmeade via the hidden passageway.

When they got to London, he went to Gringotts first and had his money secured so that only he could access it, and upon his death, even a spouse would not be able to access the funds. It would remain that way until a Potter fulfilled certain requirements if he died prematurely. He asked them about a lawyer and set up an appointment for a few days from then. He then asked to buy a pensive and instructions on how to use it properly.

The next place he went was to the International Press Office. There, he met with several reporters, who decided that he needed to be taken to where the Press Corp did most of their business. The Press Club. Once there, he explained his story, and then provided memories via pensive of all that happened. He then indicated that since he was being forced into marriage in order for the government to control him, he needed to get out of the country and plead prosecution.

The press were having a field day, and after showing harry how to project the images, pictures were being taken like crazy.

Back at Hogwarts, the exodus of students was in full gear. As quickly as they could, students from three houses disappeared, and soon they were flooing to Diagon alley. As they were met by the twins, they were directed to the press club, where the members of the press started interviewing them as well. All the students were claiming what Hermione said was Political asylum. Within hours, all of the students were portkeyed to the US embassy as a way of getting away, and from there to the US.

The international papers the next day were full of the happenings at Hogwarts, the injustices, and how Fudge was willing to destroy evidence.

Hogwarts was going to the Ministry with the story of students being kidnapped, for in no other way could all the students of three houses disappear.

Two days later, the Prophet picked up the international story, as word was getting out anyway, and it was not good news either. Thanks to the politics, Harry and the others asked for an international tribunal against the British ministry for war crimes against children, and that as Fudge's ministry was backing known terrorist, that there government was in abeyance.

France was the first to sign on with that.


	47. The Unforgivable Sin Part Two

"You gotta have an assignment, Smitty, I'm begging here."

Doctor Harold W. Smith, director of CURE, the super-secret government intelligence agency that did not exist because to exist would be a violation of the Constitution, sighed and looked at his assistant Mark Howard who was shaking his head. "I'm sorry Remo, there is nothing on the board, at all. In fact crime, in the areas we deal with, has taken a vast downturn in the past few months."

"How about any old enemies that might not have been eliminated," Remo's voice came through the phone, the desperation in it clear.

"Nothing. No patterns have shown up, nothing that the police and the federal agencies cannot handle themselves, even organized crime is down and seems to be at a turning point."

"How about internationally? Any spies or anything to get rid of in any country in the world? Or maybe a run on some super science project or other, brainwashing by chemicals, anything?"

"Nothing," Dr. Smith frowned and said, "Why are you so desperate for an assignment?"

"Chiun wants to head to Japan. He want to take care of some lies in a kids cartoon," Remo replied.

"I see no problem with that as long as the body count is not too high."

"Smith, he's going after a child's idea of what Ninja are. This isn't real, and he wants to tell them that the rules of Sinanju apply to them as well."

Smith coughed and Mark paled a little, having read about the previous Ninja incident, "Try to keep him calm. Meanwhile, there is nothing we can do about this at the moment. If there is anything, I will contact you. You did keep the new cell phone I sent you."

On the other side, Remo winced, remembering that he forgot the damn thing in some kitchen drawer or another. "I don't remember having it on me on the last assignment."

"I'll have someone make a drop to you then."

"Make it at Tokyo International Airport. That's where we'll be. Chiun insisted that we take a plane there immediately and we're booked on the next flight."

"That makes it easier. I'll have someone get it to you as you get off the plane since you will need one for the local network."

"Can you make a call before we head out, preferably with an assignment or saying we need to be back?"

"If something turns up, I will."

"Thanks Smitty." Remo said hanging up.

Mark Howard looked at Dr. Smith, "What are we going to do?"

Dr. Smith had brought up the contacts file he had compiled when Remo was going the tests to become the Reigning Master of Sinanju. "Call the Emperor and hope that he has some ideas."


	48. Mom to the rescue

It was not a good day to be a death eater.

Especially if you had to tell your master that more than half his forces were already gone and that the remaining were quitting.

Still, it had to be done.

"My lord, there is a matter that has come up which requires your attention," said the unfortunate Lucius Malfoy, who already had his own plans to flee the country with his family, that is if the Dark Lord acted like he had in past.

"What is it, Lucius," Tom Riddle sneered.

"My lord, more than half of your forces have been captured by muggle forces. Of those that are left, several have been killed and many have left your service, and more plan to in the next few days at most."

"CRUCIO!" Voldemort screamed as he attacked Malfoy.

After a couple of minutes, Voldemort stated, "Explain, now."

"W-We are no longer insured, and none of your people can get insurance. More, Potter's mother has stated a vendetta against you and has put the full force of her agency against you milord."

Voldemort looked at the puddle of shivering meat in front of him. "Potter's mother is dead. I killed the mudblood myself."

Malfoy managed to pull himself up a bit, "Potter has an adoptive muggle mother, and she has much influence in both the muggle and magical world."

"Who is this muggle woman that dears defy the will of Lord Voldemort!"

Suddenly an explosion occured and the sounds of pops and barks came to the chamber. Voldemort remembered them from the time he had spent in the muggle world. "Apperate out now. To our next base!"

They got out just as a man with black hair and a blue and black suit came through a window.

He looked around, and saw a list on the side table. Taking a picture and then reading the note, he smirked and jumped out and to his vehicle while activating a radio.

Voldemort confronted his death eaters, at least those that made it out. "How did they find us."

Malfoy, who was gripped in his master's hand as he had been grabbed before Voldemort apperated said, "Potter's mother. She is an insurance agent, and has her entire agency devoted to bringing you down. You violated her son, and she has had all our insurance canceled because of you."

"Insurance? Surely you jest."

Malfoy managed to get back from the madman in front of him. "It is no jest. Apparently, in the muggle world, an insurance agent is the same as a member of the department of mysteries and an auror combined!"

Voldemort snorted as a window exploded as did his heart at the bullet that had gone through it.

Malfoy took the time to activate his portkey. He was not staying in Britain a second more than necessary.

A woman in a black form fitting suit with pink highlights and pink hair came into the window shootting. "You wanted a quote, which you got when you attacked my son."

She spun and changed the magazine of her weapon and continued to shoot, "For that quote, you buy the farm."

She stared at the barely alive Peter Pettigrew, who she was going to take alive. Looking in her eyes he screamed as she completed, "I'm Erin Esurance, the mother of Harry Esurance, and I'll print out your receipt when I'm done."


	49. The Best of Intentions

"I'm sorry, Harry. I only had the best of intentions in keeping you with the Dursley family, and preventing the Weasley children from collecting you." Dumbledore said from beside the young mans bed.

Harry snorted as he looked over the collective adults in the room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Minerva McGonnagal, Hagrid, Pomfrey, and a pale and shaking Snape . And of course the Headbastard. The one who placed him with the Dursley's. The one who made his live a living hell on earth. "Do you know why the way to hell is paved with good intentions?"

Dumbledore started. He expected to have a talk, or for Harry to be rightfully angry. Not this non-sequitur. "I don't understand."

Harry leaned up a little. Hard to do with two broken arms and legs, and in such a way that it was looking like they would have to vanish the bones and regrow them. He nodded at his body, "Given how you found me, with a broken body, bars on the window, door with a catflap, and my wand snapped and books and possessions burned, do you know why the way to hell is paved with good intentions?"

"I, I'm afraid I never gave it much thought."

"Let's give you a few clues. Not being believed at the end of last year for one,"

Minerva winced.

"Potions class being hell with my work sabotaged,"

Now Snape fell back into a nearby bed, very pale and remembering his own years facing the Marauders.

"You having knowledge pertinent to me that you refuse to share."

Dumbledore's eyes were not twinkling now.

"Being left overnight on a doorstep, only to be put into a dark cupboard where I had to live, more as a slave and object than a person until my letter for this school arrived."

Dumbledore and Minerva blanched while Hagrid muttered, "Blimy! I didna know!"

The faces of the Weasleys were pale and taunt.

"Now, do you know why the path to hell is paved with good intentions?"

Dumbledore had to shake his head no.

Pomfrey spoke up quietly, "Because all they are is intentions. Intentions are never carried over into deeds, so while they are good intentions, they remain the path to hell because it means that good people never do good deeds to prevent evil from happening."

"Thank you Madam Pomfrey." Harry stated. "Now as to what is going to happen, when I get out of here, I will transfer to a new school, away from the madness of this wizarding world, and this country that allows torture as a form of caring. This is not an intention. It is a deed that will be carried out. Why, because I tire of the good intentions of the adults who rather let evil win that doing what is good and right."


	50. How to Handle Pushy People

Popped into my head after the first ten minutes of this series.

* * *

"Where is the nearest police station." a student, who had obviously been assaulted, asked.

"Wh-what happened to you?"

"That damn Eiken club refuses to take no for an answer and tried to rape me." replied Densuke Mifune, quite miffed that a polite no had not been enough.

"I know that they are a bit rough, but rape?" the teacher asked.

Densuke stared at the teacher, "I see. It's a conspiracy by the school itself to help rapist and preserve the schools reputation. Where's the nearest phone so I can call my lawyer instead to start a lawsuit?"


	51. A Letter to the World

To the wizarding world at large:

My name is Harry Potter, and unfortunately I have just come back from a very dissatisfying meeting with our so called Minister, Cornelius Fudge.

Why was it dissatisfying?

We can start with his campaign to discredit me, all the while he was covering up evil happenings, and that his 'government' actively supported.

Let's start with the case of Rubius Hagrid, caretaker, teacher, and imprisioned in Azkaban without trial. What do I mean? During my second year, Hogwarts was attacked by a Basilisk that was petrifying students. I still have the ruddy scar on my arm where it bit me. But will the esteemed, so called Minister investigate? That is the real question.

That year he put Rubius Hagrid in Azkaban, "Just to be seen doing something". That meant Hagrid, and INNOCENT man, was sent to the dementors on the basis that Fudge did not want to investigate anything on the advice of known death eater, Lucius Malfoy, who hatched a plan to release a sixty foot basilisk on the staff and students of Hogwarts. His actions to score political points was worth more than every man, woman, and child in Hogwarts. He was willing to let YOUR CHILDREN be killed just to say that he investigated something and found a solution when he did no such thing.

Then there is Sirius Black, another INNOCENT man tossed in Azkaban without trial, without even checking his wand. If I remember correctly, this so called Minister claimed I was confunded and that Sirius was guilty of the crimes. We also learned he was the one who snapped Sirius' wand without performing the priori incantatum spell which would have shown what spells were last cast. While a person like Bellatrix Lestrange had a trial, and Lucius Malfoy was let off on his claim of being under the Imperious curse, Sirius, the man who came to save my life, and lost his in a battle against Bellatrix Lestrange this past month, was just tossed in the worst place on the planet based mostly on Cornelius Fudge's actions at the scene.

Now let's take a look at the year where I was ILLEGALLY entered into the tri-wizard tournament. Known death eater, Barty Crouch Junior, the man who entered me in the tournament, admitted under veritaserum that he was doing this to allow his master, Tom Marvolo Riddle, the half blood who became the so called Lord Voldemort, to come back. With proof that the dark mark on the skin of known death eaters had reappeared, and given the names of those death eaters who attended this ritual, including the supposedly dead Peter Pettigrew, the real BETRAYER of my parents, so called Minister Fudge had him kissed so that he could run around claiming I am deranged.

In fact, his senior undersecretary, Deloris Umbridge, sent dementors after me in a muggle neighborhood, and the Minister, in an action to cover another blunder of his government, changed the time of the supposed trial for underage magic and breaking the International Statute of Secrecy, changed the time and sent notice to me just five minutes before it was supposed to take place. I had no one to defend me, and whenever I tried to speak up and defend myself, he would shout me down with the help of the aforementioned Deloris Umbridge.

Thanks to Professor Dumbledore, who had found a witness, I was able to get off, but in any case, there is a clause for defense, and how can I have broken the international statute when the muggle who saw the patronus that I released was my squib cousin, Dudley Dursley. This was just another strike against a man who covers up crimes to keep in office.

Finally, there was last year, with his 'Educational Decrees' designed by him, Lucius Malfoy, and Deloris Umbridge to prevent anyone except certain Slytherins from learning anything at all. The books that we were forced to use, for instance, in defense, were less than what the school was teaching in first year under Voldemort possessed teacher Quirill. We were told by Umbridge that we would only use our wands in the exams, and not before. Meantime, she gets away with letting bullys run the school, getting Headmaster Dumbledore tossed out of the school by calling him an insurrectionist and traitor to the wizarding world because the students decided we needed a study group in order to at least learn enough to pass the exams, and letting Umbridge torture students by using a blood quill for hours on end for weeks at a time to write lines and having her consider using the Cruciatus curse to maintain discipline and keep everyone following the Ministry's orders. If you want, here is a picture of the results of those lines on the back of my hand. I am sure that many students who also had to do this should consider a full lawsuit against the ministry for allowing this to happen with their permission, under their watch, under the teacher they chose, and with full backing of so called Minister Fudge.

But now that he has acknowledged that Voldemort is back, a year late and a year underprepared due to his actions, he wants me to back him in session in the Wizengamot to not loose his position, or failing that to support him for his reelection to the position of Minister.

He gave me something to think about.

Of course, I refuse to support him. In fact, if there is a single vote for him, I will personally leave the country. I will support anyone else, including Voldemort to the position of Minister, because at least we will have a person who does not hide their evil.

I have been debased, kept as a slave, a prisoner, and more thanks to this Wizarding world. The biggotry, the hatred, and more make me think that it is not worth saving, especially the sheep who continue to follow what the paper says to and not standing up for what is right. As I write this in Gringotts, the Goblins have agreed to remove my gold to somewhere offshore where I will spend the rest of my summer, and if things do not change, I will not be back. I will have also spent the money to send copies of this to every human man, wioman and child in the British isles who is magical, with carbon copies to the Prime Minister of Britain and to the Royal Family as well as to the ministries and governments around the world along with the leaders of every sentient magical species who have their own government.

Now the Prophet cannot lie about my words in this letter which has also been sent to every media outlet in the world. I thank the Goblins for using the little known laws to allow this letter to be sent, at the Ministry's expense to inform you. Now you have to think.

Do you keep Fudge, and the way things are, do you support Tom Riddle, or do you actually get off your bottoms and fight for your country, for change, and for the end of bigotry.

I will know by September first. And if I do not like it, I will answer with not being at Hogwarts. Your choice, do you help, do you hinder, do you be a slave, or do you save your nation?

I await your response.

Harry Potter


	52. Dumbledore the Good

It was not a good day for Dumbledore.

Today, a pair of favoured students had died, defeating the Dark Lord, and before he had time to do anything, the damn board came into his office saying that he was under review.

"The board does not have any say in how I conduct my time being a hero!" Dumbledore stated through gritted teeth.

The Chairman of the board, who was wearing a strange costume and a golden helm said, "Balance must be maintained, and you have gone past the balance. To do more good, and to have the boy do good, evil must be done and evil released."

"I refuse."

"Dumbledore," a woman wearing fishnets and a top hat continued, "As a mystical member of Good Guys, you must conform to the rules. Unlike the normal mortals, you cannot get away with breaking them."

"Doing evil, or letting evil be done to a boy, even letting evil people be released is not the way to go about things."

The final man, in a dark blue suit and red cape sighed, "As we suppositioned. In order to correct this, matters must be taken in hand."

All three of the mystical board members hands shot towards Dumbledore and before he could react, the spells hit.

The woman began, "You are now under a geas to let the death eaters who can manage it be free, and will not retaliate."

The man in the cloak continued, "You will aid them when possible, and prosecute the good people."

The man in the helm finished, "You will allow evil to befall the boy, Harry Potter. Plot and carry it out, if necessary."

All three said, "So that evil in future may be defeated, this is as it must be, let these geas complete. So Mote It Be!"

Dumbledore, feeling what he was now compelled to do weather he liked it or not, said, "I hate you..."


	53. Harry's Revenge

Crazy idea that popped up due to discussions on time travel and Senator McCarthy.

* * *

It had taken a very long time to set up.

Repeat, after repeat, after repeat of events, studying laws, precedents, and who was where, when, and why.

Repeatedly reviewing memories to see when they were alone.

And now, he had been lucky enough to end up back when he was four years old.

Time to take matters into his own hand, shake up the entire world, and get a laugh out of it.

* * *

The Dursleys' were easily taken care of. A couple of spells here, a couple of spells there, and given that their attitude fit, it was even easier to get them to attend the local meetings of the party he wanted them to be associated with. More than that, he had gotten them to sign documents, plan things that were never carried out, but kept, 'In Case the Order is Given', in a specially built secret safe well hidden on the property, with coded entries in their diaries that would be decipherable given the proper motivation.

Such as the government people who kept watch on the Dursleys' now. Nice how their treatment of him fit well into his plans of keeping him under the radar and as a freedom fighter. Even though the blasted blood wards that Dumbledore laid kept them from being prosecuted due to their treatment of him, Harry was using this as motivation for what he would do with Dumbledore himself.

* * *

Snape was the first Death Eater that he had gotten to. The number of time that he had been legilimenced by the bastard allowed him knowledge of the mans mind structure, and that was easy to redo, so that the man would play his part on the night in question.

* * *

From there, he was able to get to his targets, and more. The Weasley's, Fudge, The Malfoys, various people in Azkaban, the teaching staff at Hogwarts, and of course, the fools in the Wizengamot.

* * *

When Harry entered the Great Hall, and was called up, he paused before he sat down, and Minerva noticed his eyes glazing slightly. Suddenly, he turned, and his Hogwarts uniform became something she hadn't seen for a long time, and hoped never to see again. It brought back too many memories of the evil man could get into.

"HAIL, HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE, LEADER OF THE FOURTH RIECH!" Harry shouted, his arm lifted in a salute, most found frightening and disgusting among the muggleborn. "As commanded, I am ready to take over as your General of the New SS!"

Snape stood up, as his clothing changed as well. "HAIL HEADMASTER, THE RIGHTFUL FUHER!"

The Students were in a panic, and a number of them quickly took out their wands. There was a flurry of spells sent at the three at the head table, most missing, but a couple of stunners getting through. With the flurry, a cutter just happened to come from Georges wand and hit the head of the defense professor, Quirell, which released Voldemort, causing even more panic.

In the end Aurors were called in, and the principals were questioned under Veritaserum. The news was not good. Especially for those in the government who had gone on with passing a number of laws.

It seems that the 'Boy Who Lived' had been made into what he was by the people raising him, with the help of Albus Dumbledore, who was continuing the Nazi Regime throughout the world. To do so, he used spells on various people, giving them to Voldemort in order to be killed since they opposed his will. The only ones he had not been able to do this to had been the Potters, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black.

This led to an investigation of all the Death Eaters in question, and a number had spells which had been cast to ensure their loyalty, not only to Voldemort, but to the Headmaster's agenda.

These spells were being cleared up.

This, of course, led to the Dursleys' being investigated by the Muggle security forces, who just happened to find the plans, and a small store house of nuclear material, enough to create several bombs.

Harry, recovering from the 'brainwashing' and 'illegal spells' he had been under to turn him into a Nazi Officer smirked:

Take care of Dumbledore's greater good – Check.

Give Snape the recognition he wanted, as a person who willing went along with the Headbastard – Check.

Topple a corrupt wizarding government – Check.

Turn Death Eaters into reformists – Check.

Give the Dursleys' what they deserved – Check.

Ensure everyone knew that Voldemort could come back and researching why he hadn't really died – Check.

All because of spells that were no longer there. The real spells were all to 'process' peoples minds and memories, and were covered by other spells to change them back to normal. The second set of spells being detectable and removable. Maybe spending a long time in Spadau prison would finally teach him, his 'greater good' was not that great.


	54. Malfoy wins one, The Slytherin Way

Damn that Dumbledore!

This latest mess would be hard to completely sweep under the table. The damn diary should have worked the way it was supposed to. To think that a boy that Dumbledore hid away...

Hid away.

Why was a boy responsible for facing down a Basilisk?

Why was a boy at the centre of this?

If schoolchildren could figure out what was happening why couldn't Dumbledore?

The Governors had wanted to close the school, in fact he had planned for it, but Dumbledore stopped it before it could happen, and placed everyone in a position that it would be bad publicity, and thus bad for their families if the school should close.

Perhaps this should be investigated, and not by the DMLE, which Dumbledore had more fingers in than he did.

Perhaps Muggles had a use after all.

* * *

The pictures were fantastic!

What the boy had been put through.

The bars on the windows from the year before.

The fact that there had been photographs some of the neighbors had been willing to sell, and that they showed up in Muggle gossip rags, showing Weasley's car. If he had known this, the diary would have been completely unnecessary.

It seems a few anonymous letters were called for, to the 'light' families. Wouldn't do for this to come up from any dark family and be dismissed.

* * *

The escape of his cousin in law was a godsend!

Not only had Potter escaped in a very obvious way, but questioning showed that he did it to avoid any more abuse!

Sirius never had a trial, and Dumbledore should have assured that!

A few more anonymous letters and it would be feasting time!

* * *

"I have an accusation to bring before the Wizengamot of severe malfeasance, abuse of office and child abuse."

With that, she used her wand to bring up a large case filled with documents, photos, memos, and other information. "From the fact that Sirius Black is now being chased by Dementors, for a crime that cannot be proven since you signed off on his incarceration without a trial, which he should have had as everyone else did, to the abusive home of Harry Potter, which you know about, and the rescue of said boy by his friends which showed up everywhere in the Muggle World because you sent him back there to be abused at the end of the school year. Add to that what the students of Hogwarts had to go through, and that Harry Potter had to solve the problems with the Basilisk, which you hid, and which has affected schoolchildren without the school being closed down after the first case, and you have evidence of crimes against minors. It wasn't hard to learn about the first year where a boy faced the Spirit of Voldemort trying to stop him from getting Nicholas Flamel's Stone, that you supposedly destroyed without giving it back to him, thus forming another nexus of crimes of which you are guilty of. This includes possible Manslaughter since you destroyed the very thing that was keeping the Flamel's alive."

Augusta looked angry. "Trolls in bathrooms attacking students, DADA teachers trying to kill students. The hiding of the Potter's will. If this proves nothing else, it proves that you, Albus Dumbledore, are a Dark Lord!"

Pandemonium broke out as others also brought out cases of documents of decisions that Dumbledore was involved in for the past ten years.


	55. Harry and the XMen

"Dammit! You again!"

"Mr. Potter," the bald headed man in the wheelchair said, "It really is important that we speak with you/"

Harry seethed, "Look, like I said last time, I want nothing to do with you. It's because of you I ended up being beaten and abused because you assumed I'm the same as you."

Professor Xavier sighed, "You are one of the strongest mutants on the planet, I would be remiss if I did not at least try to get you trained."

"HOW MANY BLOODY INTERFERING OLD MEN DO I HAVE TO FACE TO HAVE A LIFE!" Harry screamed in his face, causing the man behind him with the read eyeware to start to raise his hand. "Look, you bloody idiot. Have you ever heard of Steven Strange?"

Taken aback by this, the professor replied, "Yes."

"Good. Then you know magic exists. What you idiots did was make my life a living hell because you keep insisting I am a mutant, instead of the wizard I am. Go talk with him and ask him about me when you tell him my name. I'm bloody famous enough, and perhaps, just perhaps, I won't have to become a dark lord to keep you idiots away from me."

With that, Harry apperated out.

"Professor?" Scott questioned.

"The boy is obviously confused. There are very few wizards of any note, and we would know of them, with the ones we do know of making a rukus all of the time. We will catch up with him eventually and explain why Homo Superior must protect the ordinary humans from those with similar abilities. It is, after all, for the greater good. I would hate to see the boy join with Magneto's group."


	56. Quidditch Muscles

We were discussion where the term Quidditch muscles came from. Heres my take on that:

* * *

"Honestly! How can you girls be so enthusiastic about a game that you don't play, that you don't want to play, and you won't even take the effort to begin to play?" Hermione grumbled as the girls in her dorm room got ready for the first game they would ever see at Hogwarts.

Parvarti and Lavender turned to look at her, then at each other and kept looking at each other and nodding to Hermione. Finally Lavender rolled her eyes and went to the bookish girl. "We need to see them exercise."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "And riding a broom is going to exercise how many muscles? Not a lot, I can tell you."

Parvarti held up a hand to stop Hermione's rant. "We are looking to the boys to exercise very important muscles for the future."

"Extremely important muscles!" Lavender upgraded.

Hermione frowned at the two and opened her mouth.

Only to close it as Parvarti said, "Every girl wants to have a Quidditch player as a husband."

"You see, we need to be satisfied," Lavender grinned.

Parvarti grinned in response, "And to be satisfied completely, you need a man to exercise certain muscles, along the hands, arms, knees, and thighs."

"Not to mention the control required to be safe with a stick close to their own," Lavender said blushing.

Hermione became bright red, "You mean that the reason you're so enthusiastic is that they are exercising..."

"Call them Quidditch muscles. All the girls use that code word," Katie Bell said with a smirk from their doorway. "Just remember, Fred is the one I have my eye on."


	57. The 300 or 101 Dragons Part One

Lady Foxfire proposed the following:

_Loki has kidnapped Hary (from whatever location the author choice ie Muggle world, SGC, Hogwarts...)_

_To hide the fact that Harry has been kidnap, he sends a clone back to where Harry was kidnapped from until he's done testing Harry. Now the problem is that the machine that makes and transport to clone back to Earth is stuck in the 'on' position. So every 30 minutes or hour it makes a Harry clone and sends it to Earth._

To that end, I came up with this:

* * *

"POTTER! WHERE ARE YOU!" Screamed Snape, the victim of a Marauder prank, and the only person who could have done it, considering that it was signed, 'Son of Prongs' was the bane of his life.

Harrys head poked out of a classroom ahead of him, "Yes?"

From the hallway behind him came, "You shouted for me?"

From a classroom behind him Harry came our saying, "I'm here professor."

Coming down the hall, in front of him, in quidditch gear, were nine Potters, "We were just going out for practice, did you need something?"

Snape whimpered. He wasn't pranked. He was having a nightmare. He had to wake up before it got worse!

* * *

No matter what he did, Snape found that he couldn't wake up.

In frustration, he headed towards his classroom, only to notice that the Griffindor's and Slytherin's were outside of the door looking in. Luckily, he didn't see Potter among them, but did notice the tick and mouth flapping Malfoy was doing. "What did you do to him Mr. Weasly?"

Ron turned to face the professor, "Um...I have no idea. Could the potion Neville did last class cause this?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "While it is a remote, and that is an extremely remote, possibility that Mr. Malfoy's facial ticks could be caused by a potion from Mr. Longbottom, I doubt he could make a delayed reaction one that would only do this before class started."

"Facial ticks?" Ron asked, looking for the first time at Malfoy. "Oh. That. No, definitely not from a potion. I think he just broke when he looked into the classroom."

Snapes eyebrow raised, and he noticed Malfoy's hand shakilly going up. Risking it, he looked into the classroom only to see a Potter at every space to be occupied by a student. His own eyebrow started to go up and down, his face became red, and people would later swear they could see his veins bulging.

It was Malfoy's almost silent exclamation that caught the feeling of the entire group. "How many Potters are there? Isn't one scarhead enough to torment us?"

* * *

Halloween night.

A night that was now going to live in infamy for the Potter name.

* * *

Earlier in the day...

Minerva was coming in fast to the headmasters office. There was one thing that she enjoyed, and that was things not being chaotic. The House elves, however, made changes to the school that were now causing a great deal of chaos in her life. Barging into Dumbledore;s office without waiting, she exclaimed, "The elves have enlarged the Great Hall immensely, and have added tables to the outside. They say that it's necessary, but won't explain why."

Dumbledore frowned a bit, slightly annoyed that he couldn't pull his usual all-knowing routine on who was going to enter. "I'm sure that they are just setting up for our visitors. The headmasters of the other schools probably want their students to sit by themselves for the feast tonight."

"But to expand the Great Hall that much? Albus, it's almost three times the size it was before!"

"Calm yourself, Minerva. They are just enthusiastic, as it's rare for them to have so many more students to cater to," Dumbledore stated as he got out from behind his desk. "We should be getting down to the feast about now anyway.

* * *

Now...

The tables surrounding the other houses were completely filled with Potters. Almost three hundred of them had come into the hall and taken a place at those tables. Alistair's eye was spinning like crazy as he kept glancing at the groups, hardly eating anything. Snape just sat there, his eyes twitching like crazy, the Slytherins were wide eyed and nervous about the eyes that literally surounded them, and the other teachers were discussing teaching options.

Minerva had taken the time to grab the ears of both Weasly twins and had them in a corner wanting the antidote to whatever they did to cause this.

Meanwhile, many girls in the hall were making plans to snag a Potter of their own.

Albus, completely off balance, started the evening's festivities.

"Well, the goblet is almost ready to make its decision," said Dumbledore. "I estimate that it requires one more minute. Now, when the champions' names are called, I would ask them please to come up to the top of the Hall, walk along the staff table, and go through into the next chamber" - he indicated the door behind the staff table - "where they will be receiving their first instructions."

Hermione was looking around at the number of Harrys, none of them sitting next to her or Ron. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

Dumbledore took out his wand and gave a great sweeping wave with it; at once, all the candles except those inside the carved pumpkins were extinguished, plunging them into a state of semidarkness. The Goblet of Fire now shone more brightly than anything in the whole Hall, the sparkling bright, bluey-whiteness of the flames almost painful on the eyes. Everyone watched, waiting. . . . A few people kept checking their watches. . .

"Any second," Lee Jordan whispered, knowing what happened in past years, and with this now occuring with Potter, "Disaster will happen."

The flames inside the goblet turned suddenly red again. Sparks began to fly from it. Next moment, a tongue of flame shot into the air, a charred piece of parchment fluttered out of it - the whole room gasped.

Dumbledore caught the piece of parchment and held it at arm's length, so that he could read it by the light of the flames, which had turned back to blue-white.

"The champion for Durmstrang," he read, in a strong, clear voice, "will be Viktor Krum."

"Thank God! No surprises there!" muttered Ron as he looked around the room, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The Audience gave off a light clapping, clearly nervous about events before the Goblet started to give out the names.

Everyone's attention was focused again on the goblet, which, seconds later, turned red once more. A second piece of parchment shot out of it, propelled by the flames. The staff table had everyone there, except for Dumbledore, crossing their fingers for something NOT to happen.

"The champion for Beauxbatons," said Dumbledore, "is Fleur Delacour!"

The girl who so resembled a veela got gracefully to her feet, shook back her sheet of silvery blonde hair, and swept up between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables as fast as she could go, also nervous at the number of Potters.

The Goblet of Fire turned red once more; sparks showered out of it; the tongue of flame shot high into the air, and from its tip Dumbledore pulled the third piece of parchment.

"The Hogwarts champion," he called, "is Cedric Diggory!"

The sigh of relief from the Hogwarts students was palpitable, since they figured that with what just happened, Harry wouldn't become involved.

That, of course, was when the disaster happened. With all the Harrys deciding not to pay attention now the excitement was over and enjoying their deserts, the fire in the goblet had just turned red again. Sparks were flying out of it. A long flame shot suddenly into the air, and borne upon it was another piece of parchment.

Automatically, it seemed, Dumbledore reached out a long hand and seized the parchment. He held it out and stared at the name written upon it. There was a long pause, during which Dumbledore stared at the slip in his hands, paled, and then let it drop, and everyone knew, just knew what he would say next. "Harry Potter."

The Potters stopped eating and shouted in one voice that became scary to everyone in the room, "WHAT!"

* * *

"Look, there is no way we can bring three hundred and three dragons to Hogwarts for the competition!" said the man in the fire.

Dumbledore coughed, "Well, we have that many competitors, you see."

The man stared, "How, pray tell, can you have three hundred and three competitors for a contest where each school has one competitor, or is each contestant supposed to face one hundred and one dragons?"

The headmaster for Drumstrang had his hat off and was running his fingers through his hair, "The Goblet of Fire didn't just pick three competitors."

"Oh for Gods sake! This competition hasn't been held in a long time, and no one remembered to check the Goblet to see if the spells needed renewing?" raged the man in the fire. "Did the damn thing just spit out the name of everybody in all three schools who entered or something?"

Madame Maxime coughed politely, "Mais non. The Goblet only produced four names."

The head of the Dragon reserve blinked, "Then why would you need so many dragons? I can see needing four, but that many? We don't HAVE that many!"

The teachers looked at each other, and then as one turned to Bagman.

Bagman sighed, "Well, we have three hundred students with the same name, you see."

"Three hundred students, with the same name. What is this so famous name that the idiots in Britain named their children.

Bagman sighed, "Well, the name is Harry Potter, but all three hundred of him are the same person."

The head of the Dragon reserve stared at each in turn. "Right. Nice joke. So you need four dragons then?"

Dumbledore collapsed into a seat. This was going to take a while.

* * *

Competition day 1

* * *

An entire tent, greatly expanded on the inside, held The Three Hundred, as he was now named in the Wizarding World.

Thus far, the Minister tried to arrest them for being an army, the Aurors were trying to recruit him, and the Goblet and the Potters were the subject of investigation by the Department of Mysteries. Even then, a number of families had decided to move from Britain, most notably several who had claimed in past to be the victims of the Imperious curse.

And that wasn't the good part.

In the investigation, they had at first concentrated on when the cup was lit, since that seemed to coincide with the, as Snape named it, Potter Explosion. Nothing had been found to explain it, and Alistair, who had been guarding the Goblet, had not noticed anything, although he did act very nervous, but that was put down to his infamous paranoia, especially with this situation. Every Potter tested the same. Each had a duplicate of the same wand, a duplicate of all their books, everything, right down to the old socks that were in what they assumed was the originals trunk was duplicated.

One even tested to see if they had a time turner, or dimensional vortex appearing, or something.

Nothing. Nada. Everything checked out, No polyjuice, etc.

It was a totally unexplained situation, so the members of the Department were ecstatic. This would be THE mystery. The one who survived the Killing Curse, The one who did the impossible, The Three Hundred. They would open up their files, spells, and research to him, for he was obviously greater than Merlin himself!

However, there was still an investigation along other avenues, and the DMLE had that. So Harry had told the Aurors all about his time at Hogwarts and his life before, especially the past summer. He was told to leave nothing out, so he told his tale, and members of the department started looking into if it happened. Cross examination of his friends corroborated the first and third year, and the carcass of the Basilisk in the Chamber confirmed the second year, so they also believed everything about the Dursleys.

This ended up with three Order of Merlin's First Class each, a huge apology by the Ministry with the Minister sacked, and Sirius cleared. It also ended up with the Dursleys arrested for various crimes in the muggle world, most of which had manufactured evidence that the Aurors wouldn't admit to creating.

Yes, life was good. But it had lead to a breakdown by Sirius when he realized how many young men he was responsible for, well at least until two upstanding young Weasleys told him how many pranks the Potter Patrol could create with alibi's. Albus was in a tizzy, because all his plans did not include this. He had a suspicion that the boy was a Horcrux, but how many were there now? Plans HAD to change.

And they never found enough dragons.

So, all the Harrys would only be facing one dragon. The meanest, fiercest one they could find as that was the only way to make the competition fair to the other three at this point. As if it would really matter in the long run.

When his turn came, the Harry's started to walk into the stadium, with an audience that had not quite believed it until now watching.

That's when something new happened.

A Silver rectangle, there was no other way to describe it, with Ancient Runes on it that, if one could translate, would read Bilskrnir's Door, landed in front of all the Potters, opened, and another Harry walked out.

This Potter turned back to the opening in the rectangle and called out, "Thanks for the lift Thor. Call me if you need my help, or the help of the other mes. I'm sure we can help come up with a solution to the plight of the Asgard, after I check with a few people at St. Mungo's."

A voice came out, "Thank you Harry Potter. Once again, the Asgard are sorry that Loki bothered you. I do have a small gift for you, however, for putting up with what happened."

This was the voice of Thor of the Asgard. A race of beings that, if seen, people would refer to them to as Roswells. He had many reputations throughout the universe, the main one of being a warrior of some renown. However, this was a medieval society, for the most part, and he decided to play the part that he had originated some centuries before on this very planet. That of the Thunder God. And of course, with that reputation, came how he acted.

A small container, looking like an egg came out of the ship. It floated in front of the Boy Who Lived, and then opened. In it was a silver hammer with a large head and leather wraps, including a wrist strap. Runes covered the visible surface of it. "You may have my old hammer, Mjölnir. Only you among the Potters, or one it finds worthy, may wield it. It will serve you well."

It's a little known fact in the universe that the Asgard did have a sense of humour, and the biggest sense of humour was personified by Loki, with pranks and jokes reaching across five galaxies.

Loki , however, was not the only one with a sense of humour, and Thor had played as good as he got at that time. These days, he raised or lowered his humour to reflect the level of society that was involved. The more sophisticated the group, the more obscure the humour. It was fun to see the reactions, whether by laughing, awe, or with the more advanced races, wondering confusion. There was a reason that the rather ribald jokes and pranks were listed in various Edda.

This joke was one that had to be done, if only to protect the culture of the humans in this hidden society. To that end, Thor had downloaded the knowledge of how to use the hammer properly into the boy's head. He also knew that the clones would be safe, with a little remote application of the transportation grid to correct any DNA errors. It was surprising they had lasted this long, but Mr. Potter was going to be a long term project for Loki, so it made some sense. It was also fortunate the replication module had burned out with the amount of items that needed to be copied as Loki wanted a complete sampling at the time Mr. Potter had been taken.

Harry lifted the hammer, "Thank you, Thor. May your travels be peaceful and full of Knowledge."

"The same to you, my friend." came the voice, and then the rectangle sealed itself and rose into the heavens.

The crowd had their mouths agape. Harry was given, by the God Thor, his Hammer, Mjölnir. Truly, he was the chosen one! He would be the one to lead! He should be Minister!

Harry smiled, looked at his Fellow Potters, noticed the Dragon and the crowd, and said, "Are you ready?"

A loud, resounding Yes answered him.

The Dragon was now very nervous and breathing a lot of fire.

Harry brought up his new weapon, instead of his wand, and a flash of light obscured him for a moment and when he reappeared, armour covered his body.

"Stun the Dragon!"

Three hundred stunners went out, and the Dragon staggered. Harry then pointed the front of his Hammer forward, and let loose a blast of lightning. The Dragon went down.

After moving the dragon, it had to be noted that the entire nest had been filled with golden eggs.

They had enough for all the Potters, except for one.

Dumbledore who had collapsed at the sight of the armour, was out of it, as were the rest of the judges. Shrugging, the armoured Harry led the rest out of the stadium and up to Hogwarts.

* * *

Hermione had already left the stands by the time the Silver Rectangle had lifted off the grounds and gone back into the sky. She was going to get Harry, and when she got him, was she going to give him a sound verbal thrashing. The nerve of him! To get away to learn for the past month and leaving all these clones behind. And not taking her!

You see, she had recognized what the 'Silver Rectangle' was, and it wasn't a doorway, despite what it said on the side.

She had, after all, seen Star Trek, and knew that the ship was an advanced type of space shuttle, with very silent engines.

That meant that Harry had been in contact with Aliens. Aliens who wanted to talk with him. Aliens who had a problem for him to solve. Aliens that he had not introduced her to, so that she failed to get knowledge from the encounter.

She managed to make it to the entranced and went to the only really different Harry among them. The one in the armour. "Harry! Wait up."

Motioning his clones to head up to the castle, Harry turned around and noticed the expression on his best female friend. "Eh. Hi Hermione."

"Don't you 'Hi Hermione', me Potter. You've got some explaining to do!" Hermione growled with a finger pointed towards his face.

Harry just gulped and pulled at the collar of his armour.

* * *

The stadium was silent.

The mass of Potters leaving with the chosen of the Gods was mind blowing in some way, worrisome in others, and in two, just plain and simply impossible!

There were only two dunderheaads that could do something like this. From creating Harrys to harass him, to the items shown. Unlike the others in the school, he did not dismiss their cunning in turning out new ways to beleaguer teachers or any who got caught in their way. They were worse than what he had to put up with, the evolution of the Marauders. And it was known that they had taken Harry under his wing. "WEASLEYS! YOU HAVE DETENTION FOR A MONTH AND A THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRIFFINDOR!"

This caused the people in the stadium to start to move again.

As the Dragon handlers just made their way to the unconscious dragon, eyes turned towards the two shows being played out in front of the whole of the wizarding world.

"THE DETENTION IS DENIED AND THE POINTS WILL BE RETURNED. SURELY YOU DON'T THINK THOSE TWO COULD CAUSE ALL OF THIS!" came Minerva's voice via sonorous.

"Ahhh. Well. Quite a show by Mr. I mean Misterrs Potter, wouldn't you say?" a flustered Bagman said to the audience.

"MAKE THAT TEN THOUSAND POINTS AND A YEAR OF DETENTION! EACH!"

Deftly trying to ignore the commotion, he waved his wand to start the points process and continued, "I believe that deserves a Ten."

Minerva was making her way through the stands towards her new nemesis, "MAKE THAT THE SAME FOR ALL YOUR SLYTHERINS. EACH. TWICE!"

The audiences eyes twitched towards Hogwarts where to two now enormous point counters that were showing negatives burst out of the roof of the building.

"Madame Maxime, what will you give the contestants?" Bagman continued to try and announce.

Snape worked his way over to the Griffindor head, "MY SLYTHERINS ARE WELL BEHAVED COMPARED TO THOSE TWO DESTROYERS. THEIR BULLYING STOPS HERE!"

Lucius Malfoy, who had come to see Draco and try to talk him out of staying at Hogwarts was now trying desperately to sneak out of there. The writing was on the wall. He had to get Potter on his side, or forget leaving the country. There would be no place on the planet that was safe. Destroying all of those dark arts materials may well be good. Or perhaps donating them to the Ministry and telling them he had recently been buying up everything he could to get it out of the hands of the public? It would be better than just destroying them and leaving the suspicion around that he had them somewhere.

Madame Maxime seemed to come out of her daze and waved her wand, the banner reading a ten.

Minerva's face was red, "YOUR SLYTHERINS ARE THE WORST BULLIES IN THE SCHOOL. TRY THIS AND I WILL INSURE THAT I WATCH THEM FOR ANY INFRACTION OF THE RULES. PERHAPS WE SHOULD DO THE SAME TO THEM THAT YOU ATTEMPT TO DO TO MR. POTTER EVERY YEAR. EXPELL THEM!"

"Mr. Crouch?" Bagman said miserably, trying to get through this part.

Crouch stiffly let a ten shoot out of his wand.

"Potter. Again he gets stuff he doesn't deserve!" Draco said under his breath. "That Hammer will obey anyone worthy, and no one is more worthy than me! It will be mine!"

"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THE SLANDERING OF SLYTHERINS ANYMORE. THEY HAVE BEEN VILLIFIED FOR CENTURIES THANKS TO A STUPID DECISION, AND I WAS BULLIED BY GRIFFINDORS WHEN IN SCHOOL AND YOU DID NOTHING THEN!"

"Headmaster Karkaroff?" Bagman asked desperately to try and get this over with, and out of the stadium before the two started to fight.

Karkaroff let loose a 5.

"YOUR ACTIONS THEN, AND SINCE HAS SHOWN THAT WHAT HAPPENED WAS NOT BULLYING, BUT JUSTICE!"

"Dumbledore, you're the last...GOOD HEAVENS! HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE! SOMEONE GET SOME HEALERS OVER HERE FAST! IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S HAD A HEART ATTACK!"

The stadium became silent, and then the teachers started to rush over to see if they could help. Fighting between the Lion of Griffindor and the Cobra of Slytherin over for now. Of course, with everything coming out in the open, no one doubted for a second it would pick back up when they confirmed the headmaster was fine.

* * *

TBC


	58. How Heroes are Portrayed

Ron was thinking by the fire. This camping out and searching with minimal magic was really stupid. Just thinking on the World Cup, he realized that there were allies out there, and that one was rarely used, usually because they were damn efficient and it galled purebloods to be thankful for anything. However, if it got him out of this and to a comfortable table to eat, he would swallow his pride as ask. Now he just had to convince his two companions.

When the other two came to the fire, Ron broached the subject. "We need help."

Harry snorted, "Just who are we going to go to?"

Ron looked up into his friends eyes, "The Americans."

Hermione's eyes lit up, "Yes! They are the perfect allies! Great at war and overwhelming other forces with the shear quantity of people they have available. They could take care of Voldemort's deatheathers while we go after him."

Harry stood up, stiff as a board. "No. No Americans. Ever! They are not to be trusted!"

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and then at Harry. "Why?"

Harry sighed, "Hermione, how do muggles teach their children about heroes?"

Hermione looked non-pulsed for a moment. "History books."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Think again. And think young, starting at about four or five."

Hermione looked puzzled. "Classes and libraries?"

Harry groaned and covered his eyes with his hand. "Cartoons and comics."

Hermione looked embarrassed, "Ok, so why would that eliminate Americans as trustworthy?"

"Because they would make the Dursley's medaled heroes in their society. What they do is normal for them, and to be honoured. Being a bully, being abusive, being criminals, that is what a hero is to them."

Hermione stared while Ron looked horrified. "How did you ever get an idea like that?"

Harry sat back down. Still stiff, but starting to relax a bit, "The greatest cartoon and comic heroes they have is a family just like the Dursleys. They are famous stupid bullies who have an almost religious following in the Americas, and are named The Simpsons."


	59. Waste of space

Hermione was not happy.

It had been another frustrating day at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and the two idiots, meaning her husband and brother in law, just let another load of wizards off on performing magic in front of large crowds of non magical users.

"What the Bloody Hell do you two think you were doing?"

Harry was trying not to smirk, "Making a special round to the muggle world in order to ensure that ours is not exposed."

Hermione was tempted to run a hand down her face. "I. Know. That. So. Why. Did. You. Let. Them. Go!"

"Because we weren't exposed?" Ron said around a mouthfull of popcorn, of which he had a large canister of in front of him.

"Without a warning!"

Harry rolled his eyes while Ron just shook his head, "It was a clown car. It's supposed to be bigger on the inside than the outside. You never complain when that Doctor fellow does the same thing, and he's even more well known. Hell, he's on the tebevisual every week, and you don't have us going after him and his super large time turner."

She just had to accept a position as a wizarding lawyer. She had to put up with these two all the time. Why was she friends with the two idiots again?

Oh yeah.

Stupid troll.


End file.
